I spewed remorse’s hues
across saw-teeth promises,
-the ones that cut both ways-
Listened to death’s breath
spout final lies,
from severed tongue
as it lay upon your breast.
Rode the stallion of your pain
until spines spirit broke,
then
calmly blew your mind.
A contest entry
- Not For The Weak II by Immortal Obscurity.
875 points, ended July 3, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique Requested
Comments
-
I recognize the "saw-teeth", as I remember commenting on it in your other entry in the last contest, but this is good too. It's raw and dark, and the eerie tranquility in it, really does blow the mind. You have a very distinct style... Good luck, and thanks for entering!
Laura
-
-
Can't believe I used the same phrase as my entry into NFTW 1 .. doh!!
-
-
wow
dark and yet with such strong imagery that was powerful and effective for the purpose of the contest.well done uncle
Adding your comment:
