Black fat leather wallet, holding all sorts like a ball,
dollars, lira, gobbledygook but not much sov-er'eign at all.
A couple of addresses, stamps, a poem on folded scrap,
plastic cards and guitar picks ever falling to my lap.
Shirt, trousers, jacket, my coat and between
Number of pockets... about sixteen!
inner outer, front back and side,
to find a thing takes ages, it's a wonder we're still alive.
Shirt; inside left one jaw-harp happy twang for any kids ears,
bird badge freebies just in case they end up in tears.
Trouser back small bunch of keys, car 'n garage pressed on bum.
Trouser front my backdoor key and front door's for my mum's.
Hidden pockets for slender mag-light, toothbrush and a pen,
Zippo silver lighter, papers, enough tobacco to make up ten.
A leather-man with twenty tools, some of which just beat-me!
Ominous looking matchbox, dead beetle for my friend to see.
Oh' there is some money somewhere, to buy a bite to eat,
wrinkled Scottish ten pound notes all squashed up with receipts.
Ever present black scarf most for when, up North it can 'alf bloody blow
more than a wee bit chilly, if you've been there you will know.
Most treasured possession all my life, a prayer around my neck
hung on silver chain in microfiche, inside a silver lozenge locket.
Author notes
'About my person'
A contest entry
- About your Person by NurseChilly.
1400 points, ended July 22, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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This is SO well-deserving of the Gold so well done! I'm so proud of you
Mwah!
X
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this is you all over and i love it.. love it
i will get this damned contest judged soon, but this will always make me smile
lovely lovely lovely
Gilly.xx
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I'm made up!!!
Thank you so much.
I really enjoyed this invitation from you...
x
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Thank you, glad you like it
No rush from this side.
Sol x x
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Now here's a person with a full life, a religious person who practices good dental hygiene. Love what the piece reveals.
jjj
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Thank you
Sol
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lol...i love this. i thought i had chaotic pockets...but you! Really had fun getting to know you like this. Love, Lane
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Thanks a lot Lane.
I like your painting
Sol
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I liked the leatherman line
you got lots of pockets!!
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LOADs of pockets!
Thanks Grunts Girl
Sol
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Almost forgot...the title is perfect too...'let me see', I can almost hear you mumbling this as you rifle through all the pockets of treasures. I get the impression you like to always have your hands free...great write! Rhonda
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I laughed out loud as I read of all the 'important' items you carry with you, scraps of paper, stamps, zippo, guitar picks, and a JAW HARP! WOW, that takes me back a bit...lol. Some so beautifully speak of the person you are...full of life, art, music and treasured relationships...and the locket...well, I stopped laughing and sighed as I felt the love surrounding this item soaring above all the rest. Your name suits you so well...Sol...the sun...you shine brightly here, my friend...Love, love, love this write. Peace, Rhonda
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Your words are so kind and generous, thank you so much for them Rhonda.
I'm really glad you like this.
Sol
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I've always loved boys who have dead bugs and guitar picks in their pockets.
This has so much character, as does the poet! Wonderful work!X
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Thank you,
you so beautiful person.
Sol X
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Oh and I think sov-er-'eign, seems alright the way you have it. It puts the emphasis on the reign part.
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Hey thanks James
Would you mind giving me your opinion on this? :
International friend's numbers, when dreaming of them
I'm back in the sun, though there's no knowing when.
I keep them along with ridiculous coins,
shuffled around as they dig in my groins.
I'm unsure about adding it as last but one stanza or not, wondering if it's going to dilute more than give, if you know what I mean.
No rush and thanks again.
Sol
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Mmmmm...I personally think you have a very strong ending already. But I can see also how that bit might include a little more, info, so to speak. The only real problem I see with that addition is it sort of feels, too explanatory...For your poem I mean. You already have a lot of details about your character and the like. I think it may be a weaker stanza, then what you have. I'm also not sure about "international friend's numbers"...Something about that seems odd to me. Maybe it's the "S" sound, real close together.
I think I'm going to have to say it may dilute the poem, more than strengthen it. I think you did a smart thing, leaving that little bit out. Maybe you could use it in a future poem though? Like one that involves your character in another sense, One that is more telling, instead of like this poem, showing. It's up to you though. I do find it weaker. If that helps.
And you are always welcome. I'm always up for some helpful poetic excursions.
;
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Hey Sol. I read this a few times...Off the site in word pad, and before logging in, and I must say, this is finely written. I specifically loved the play on words in stanza three, in that first line. You also have some very slight rhymes in here, for effect and movement, and I think those work. Though I would usually like to see rhymes more noticeable throughout and not so ear-friendly interspersed. You seem to do a good job of keeping them interesting, on a whole.
I use to carry a bunch of useless shit around in my truck, when I had it. Coffee cups, change of clothes, some excess keys, a few stickers not yet on the bumper, a key chain without keys, a few empty bags of chips, some hair gel, a couple of spark plugs beneath the front seat, an extra headset for the hands free telephone...You name it, it was there...LOL. There is some very simple and yet thoughtful poetry here. That ending is heavenly. There is just something catching about how you explain the locket, the use of the word silver, in repetition, to heighten it. I don't think I can critique this much though. As I think it also borders on being prose. Which I am not so good at leaving meaningful critiques on. If I do think of something, you know me, I will return.
Always a pleasure to stop into your poem wall.
You do this poesy thing like it is in your blood.
Like me. And this is admirable and ever-existing.
- James
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'Most treasured possession all my life, a prayer around my neck'
I like that..
Your poem made me smile for sure..you took us to little journey to your pockets..big fat wallet...
I thought only women tend to carry so much stuff with them I guess men do too ..
I picked so many things from this poem plus from your comments below about you..such as you play guitare and violin..I just love violin..I wish I can learn to play that one day..and I don't have no idea what jaw harp is..maybe never seen one..
I found this poem to be clever, humorous and give the reader little bit about the 'other' you ..
Great job Sol
Ruby -
a jaw-harp!
I haven't seen one of those in ages, nor anyone who knows how to use one in roughly the same amount of time.
I couldn't help but start to grin, when I read the mag-light, silver zippo, and leather-man ..
as those would be in my pockets too.. since 99% of the time I don't carry my life in a bag on my shoulder.
Wonderfully personal, and light somehow with the rhyme.
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I love jaw harps... and blues harps, always try to take one skiing in case of getting stuck on a chair lift as has happened before... easy to make a good friend when your suspended and swinging way above a frozen lake and you produce a blues harp, even if you aren't great at playing it, what better time to practise bending notes.
Where I don't have pockets, I have my mum sew some inside, in customised shapes for things. Ever heard of 'Secret Squirrel'?
Thanks... I know it's dodgy to take rhyme to Gilly, so your encouragement well received.
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Secret Squirrel - yes
I love them too, though don't have one, and harmonicas. I have the latter but wound ears if I play it...lol
I love instruments, music, and always wanted to learn to play one.
You're welcome. Ah...... I don't think Gilly is adverse to rhyme, just ...badly done rhyme, which this isn't
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My house is a little like a music shop in places.
Guitars mainly, violins and various wind instruments.
I'm not so bad with guitar, the others I just love playing around with and I very much want, and NEED, to improve with the fiddles.
Mind you when I'm playing violin in the middle of a field or when there's no-one else about... then I'm brilliant!!!
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I play a mean air guitar
I've tried playing guitar, piano as well .. years ago, but and this may sound odd, my ambidexterity gets in the way, I lose track of what I'm doing from one hand to the other... lol so I think I probably should have tried drums which might have been more my speed
I'd like to try a lute someday, or a mandolin.
oh and of course. lol I bet you are! I'm incredibly brilliant when I know no one can hear me
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This is very different again..but I love it..I will comment more later..
little suggestion about sov 'er 'reign ..How about an accent in letter I?..like in french Î, Ï, ï, î...
Ruby
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Yes could be a good idea... only big problem is that the sovereign it meant to particularise it as being English money, so it would defeat the purpose I think.
Thanks anyway... clever thought.
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sov'reign?
I donno.
Love this though. It's got that goofy thing I like about you, and the complicated piles of everything that you seem perfectly capable of organizing into neat piles around you.
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Well that more than makes me happy!
Thank you Suzanne
I'm thinking sover'eign Think it needs to read sov, ver, ain.
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