I don't blink
too hard in case
the pressure is
too much trouble
for me to discipline.
sometimes I am
still a child and
"what if" is
the friend my
mother hates.
but we still
play together
in the forest
skipping crass cants
on the lakes.
Author notes
I think I almost always start with "what if-?" and then I go on from there.
A contest entry
- when poetry happens by Dienush.
1250 points, ended July 13, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow, this is a very interesting take on the prompt. I love how creative and thought-provoking the ideas here are. My favorite bit was,
""what if" is
the friend my
mother hates."
I love the way you take this mundane aspect of life that so many can relate to, and turn it into something abstract, a phrase that characterizes you. The last stanza too is very intense, I love the defiant and perseverent feel to it. I also like the beginning of the poem, it flows very well but I feel it's weaker than these parts I just mentioned. Also love your kind of rhyming - how it feels so natural and melodic and helps get your message across. The only thing that somewhat distracted me was the apostrophe in "cants'", it doesn't seem to be where it should. Personally I think in this poem it'd work to just leave that apostrophe out. Thanks for your entry.
~Diana
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I actually meant 'cants' as in hypocritical talk- as in the noun. Looking at it now, I have no idea why there's an apostrophe there at all. lol Thanks.
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Wonderful poetry in this. I loved it from top to bottom and think if this then that. I want a little of 'that'. Well done. ~Pamela
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skipping crass can'ts...lol I like that.
Love, Lane
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