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In me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woken up

to a broken day,
a faded sun in my mouth
and you -
     swallowing those little
              glowing lights
left in me;
 
I put a cloth on my lips
as fingers filter through words
once cocooned
  in cords of care.

 

 

 

A distant dove

fills 'outside' with its coo,

reciting instants
   when poetry simply was
   without having to happen -


until you claimed your private branch

    and unraveled
  the darkest pit
in me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

leander

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant work here and I really enjoyed
    reading this thought from you. Good luck
    to you here my friend!




    Jeremy0826


  • Walk-Free
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    brilliant job, this one!

    i absolutely love all the metaphors here.

    "a faded sun in my mouth
    and you -
    swallowing those little
    glowing lights
    left in me;"

    the first stanza itself blew me away!

    thanks for entering and have a blessed new year

  • carole21
    December 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a very nice write . . congrats on the trophies and best of luck in the pending contest . . !!


  • ArmyBrat17
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this is so amazing nicely done


  • Oleander
    December 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Perplexing! This speaks to me. Well done!

  • ElectricBloom
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing.
    I love it, i've read it over and over.
    Such beautiful imagery! inspires me want to draw - if only i could.
    I love the lines :

    swallowing those little
    glowing lights
    left in me;

    beautiful.
    i also like the way you've set this poem out. it's nice and interesting.

    well done, an excellent poem, and one i truly enjoyed reading.

    ElectricBloom

  • LoveNLyrics
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very good piece. good imagery. love the background and format. thanks for your entry.


  • FallingSideways silver member
    October 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love your style. I am envious


  • vieve gold member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great closing lines - I read your author page & I have the same problem when I'm heartbroken. The writing helps even if you don't like what the emotions are doing to you.

    Either way, love those lines - powerful & resonant.


  • Age of Rain
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    w00t! *Celebrates the discovery of an amazing poet* This was just incredible. It is good to know there is someone with your talent on this site.


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My friend, you went over the 15 line limit! No fear, you always impress me, so who cares when that happens? It's a simply stunning piece and it was a pleasure to read!


    • leander Moderators member
      July 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      oops sorry, must have missed that since I got so much around my head right now...
      Thank you for the honorable mention though


  • Ravensdark
    July 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the imagery you have used. Though it's never good to shoot yourself in the foot with your author note. Never helps to put your work down. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • whiterabbit.
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this and I don't find it cliche at all. I love the way it starts off, but the whole poem is brilliant. I just adore the way this was written.


  • BellaD
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful poem. Not cliche at all! Great use of imagery and alliteration such as in,
    once cocooned
    in cords of care.

    Thank you for entering.




  • Rose Angel gold member
    June 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep poem filled with such emotion and imagery...How I find these darker poems sad, but writing it can get the sadness off our chest...Wonderful write!


  • Play-A-War
    June 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written...

    It had a good flow to it. Emotions expressed really well.

    Thanks for entering.

    Good luck in the contest


  • sins and sorrow silver member
    June 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so beautiful!
    Filled with so much dark emotion!
    The imagery is absolutely amazing!!
    Best of luck in the contest!
    -Ash


  • ladylyric
    June 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Im going to agree with everyone else...the imagery was out of this world. I really dug the opening stanza the most, it really set the pace for the rest of this beautifully sad piece.
    I'm so sorry, Leander...I know you really loved him. Hang in there old friend.


  • Papillon1
    June 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is brilliant, it captures the misery of a relationship gone bad when we refuse to let go of the of it until it slowly steals each little piece of happiness away from our soul and we are left with a cotton mouth of lonliness.


  • crazymomma
    June 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    True emotion is never cliche great poem!


  • Sharon Lynn
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great Write

    I feel your words come from the heart so there is nothing cliche about it. We all suffer the same emotions but take them as our own when we put it into a poem. You did some nice imagery here and it read well. Good luck in the contest.


  • enitsirhC
    June 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very deep, and dark.
    I love it!


    Thanks for your entry in my contest!

    Good luck!






  • blueyedmoonpie
    June 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very original

    Really very obscure, but lovable just the same. Nice.

  • limechic
    June 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very beautiful imagery!


  • gaze
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply


  • LadyUnique silver member
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i ditto what Nicolette said

    the first six lines get me right in the gut...

    i'm on your team

    this is not 'cliche'. sure it's the much written about heartbreak but it's spoken in your language, which makes it fresh


  • Metaphorist
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Cliche?? What? Are you crazy? This is amazing. One of my favorites by you. What wonderful imagery! I love everything about it.

    Hope you are doing well


    • leander Moderators member
      June 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm doing very well, taking the emotional side not in account...
      thank you for reading


  • Nicolette gold member
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm glad you're writing your darkness, writing towards the light. This is beautiful poetry and there is nothing cliche about it.

    I especially loved the last stanza...perhaps that dove is cooing about a new branch...until then, write the winter away, my friend.



    ~ Nicolette


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, such dark emotion. I loved the whole piece, but especially the third stanza. I can't wait to read the follow up piece when they have made it through this stage and move on to the next.

    ♥
    whisper

1 - 33 of 33