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In me

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woken up

to a broken day,
a faded sun in my mouth
and you -
     swallowing those little
              glowing lights
left in me;
 
I put a cloth on my lips
as fingers filter through words
once cocooned
  in cords of care.

 

 

 

A distant dove

fills 'outside' with its coo,

reciting instants
   when poetry simply was
   without having to happen -


until you claimed your private branch

    and unraveled
  the darkest pit
in me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • vieve silver member
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    Great closing lines - I read your author page & I have the same problem when I'm heartbroken. The writing helps even if you don't like what the emotions are doing to you.

    Either way, love those lines - powerful & resonant.


  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    w00t! *Celebrates the discovery of an amazing poet* This was just incredible. It is good to know there is someone with your talent on this site.


  • Amaranthine Lover silver member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    My friend, you went over the 15 line limit! No fear, you always impress me, so who cares when that happens? It's a simply stunning piece and it was a pleasure to read!


    • leander gold member
      July 31
      Edit | Reply
      oops sorry, must have missed that since I got so much around my head right now...
      Thank you for the honorable mention though

  • Ravensdark
    July 22

    Edit | Reply
    I like the imagery you have used. Though it's never good to shoot yourself in the foot with your author note. Never helps to put your work down. Thanks for entering and good luck.

  • whiterabbit--x
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    I love this and I don't find it cliche at all. I love the way it starts off, but the whole poem is brilliant. I just adore the way this was written.

  • BellaD
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful poem. Not cliche at all! Great use of imagery and alliteration such as in,
    once cocooned
    in cords of care.

    Thank you for entering.




  • Rose Angel gold member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Very deep poem filled with such emotion and imagery...How I find these darker poems sad, but writing it can get the sadness off our chest...Wonderful write!


  • dying-emotions
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written...

    It had a good flow to it. Emotions expressed really well.

    Thanks for entering.

    Good luck in the contest

  • silent-fear silver member
    June 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so beautiful!
    Filled with so much dark emotion!
    The imagery is absolutely amazing!!
    Best of luck in the contest!
    -Ash


  • ladylyric
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    Im going to agree with everyone else...the imagery was out of this world. I really dug the opening stanza the most, it really set the pace for the rest of this beautifully sad piece.
    I'm so sorry, Leander...I know you really loved him. Hang in there old friend.


  • Papillon1
    June 23

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is brilliant, it captures the misery of a relationship gone bad when we refuse to let go of the of it until it slowly steals each little piece of happiness away from our soul and we are left with a cotton mouth of lonliness.


  • crazymomma
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    True emotion is never cliche great poem!


  • NurseyPoo
    June 22

    Edit | Reply

    Great Write

    I feel your words come from the heart so there is nothing cliche about it. We all suffer the same emotions but take them as our own when we put it into a poem. You did some nice imagery here and it read well. Good luck in the contest.

    . Rewarded 4


  • enitsirhC
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is very deep, and dark.
    I love it!


    Thanks for your entry in my contest!

    Good luck!






  • blueyedmoonpie
    June 22
    Edit | Reply

    Very original

    Really very obscure, but lovable just the same. Nice.

  • limechic
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    very beautiful imagery!

  • Gaze silver member
    June 21

    Edit | Reply


  • LadyUnique silver member
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    i ditto what Nicolette said

    the first six lines get me right in the gut...

    i'm on your team

    this is not 'cliche'. sure it's the much written about heartbreak but it's spoken in your language, which makes it fresh


  • Metaphorist
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    Cliche?? What? Are you crazy? This is amazing. One of my favorites by you. What wonderful imagery! I love everything about it.

    Hope you are doing well


    • leander gold member
      June 21
      Edit | Reply
      I'm doing very well, taking the emotional side not in account...
      thank you for reading

  • Nicolette gold member
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    I'm glad you're writing your darkness, writing towards the light. This is beautiful poetry and there is nothing cliche about it.

    I especially loved the last stanza...perhaps that dove is cooing about a new branch...until then, write the winter away, my friend.



    ~ Nicolette


  • whispernthedark silver member
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, such dark emotion. I loved the whole piece, but especially the third stanza. I can't wait to read the follow up piece when they have made it through this stage and move on to the next.

    ♥
    whisper

1 - 25 of 25