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Sin

 

As she dives right in,
she's consumed by it
What her thoughts and flesh may bring
Pleasures of touch - all her fantasies
She experiments with her sin
like before, she dives right in
As if to sink or swim

Oh, come right in

She's never questioned why
But now, as sin has gripped her tight
into a sleeper hold
And it won't let go
Can anyone hear her cries for help?

Get off of me!

She sleeps with her sin
in silence and a black bag

 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • movedon
    July 24, 2008

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    Satan is always there, ready to pick off the straggling one of the pact. Or, He can target your weakness. Sin is such an easy thing to fall in to, but with the help of God, we can say no. Well done. Strong images.

    Warmest,
    Mylee


  • ArtFullyMe silver member
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This seems to suggest that women of that nature ask to be raped, or worse killed.

    A common theme of many religions.

    Thanks for your entry.


  • BlackSwan
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    How so sinful
    Well done!
    -GL in contest


  • peregrin
    June 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Extremely well written! Good job!


  • sassykitty
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the final couplet is extremely effective and indeed chilling in its very simplicity of language use. the sibilance definitley enhances this tone and the whole poem is very well written and disturbing. Having said that, I do actually like it! Great write overall.


  • Lotus-Mama
    June 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh my god.

    "She sleeps with her sin
    in silence and a black bag"

    wow.


  • breakdown-beatdown
    June 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is great! I love the way it ends. not because she is dead just what it shows


  • HopelessDreams
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery is very well portrayed here and I enjoyed this furthermore because it leaves you wondering why she changed her mind. I'm more apt to remember poems that keep me thinking after. Good job.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    June 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    indeed. thanks for noticing


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    uterrly fantastic

    loved this
    thanks for sharing and best wishes to you

    love
    Passions


  • Number 13
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *clap*

    Love the imagery; brillant.

    By the way, you may want to fix
    "as sin as gripped her tight"
    I'm guessing the second "as" should be has?

    And
    "She sleep with her sin"
    should sleep be sleeps?

    Just trying to help!! xD


    Good luck in the contest!

1 - 11 of 11