Owls hooting in the darkness,
reflecting my own heartbeat in the silence.
Withered trees pulling, ripping my clothing,
to remind me of my past.
A single, bright, white moon,
to remind me of my solitude--that I am one of a kind.
The steady wind,
to keep me stumbling backwards.
Sudden noises,
keeping me skittish.
Imaginary apparitions,
causing me to run, breathless, deeper into the night.
My instincts, telling me to get away,
but giving me no directions.
The mysterious shadows,
to keep my senses keen, alert.
The hidden man,
to pounce upon me--to murder me--without reason.
Author notes
Free Verse.
A contest entry
- People under 14--Be Deep! by myusikah.
450 points, ended June 30, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For New and Trophy Lacking by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended July 16, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 2008 Allpoetry Halloween Bash by Little Eagle.
12350 points, ended November 21, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Some random thing that spurted forth from my deranged head.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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hmm, interesting. The night is full of things that can kill you lol.
Thank you for entering. Good luck in the contest and thank you for following the rules.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment
Happy Halloween and God Bless
Tammy
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wow. That has great imagery. I'd like to know the meaning behind it. Good luck!
-->pia♫♪
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Thank you all!
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this poem really gave me an exact picture of the night as it is described, and the emotions were strongly conveyed.
i only have one small technical suggestion for you: in the beginning your verbs were all in the "to ____" form. and then you started using them in the "--ing" form. and then you switched back to the first form near the end. i think the poem would be better if that was consistent, or if it changed at a significant spot in the poem.
however, it would be perfectly correct to leave it this way if you choose.
the only thing that is not correct is the "but give me no directions". verbs referring to the same noun in the same sentence have to be in the same tense. so it would either be "telling" and "giving" or "tell" and "give".
otherwise. well done i liked reading this a lot.
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Interesting
I like this poem. I think the strongest line is " My instincts, telling me to get away,
but give me no directions"
I think this is great imagery.
I wonder how this poem would sound if you took out the references to you. For instance:
Instincts, telling me to get away,
but give no directions.
The mysterious shadows,
to keep senses keen, alert.
The hidden man,
to pounce --to murder --without reason.
I think that would open it up to others seeing themselves in the picture you have painted.
Just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore it.
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Yes, I tried it out. But when I read it afterwards it was a little harder to understand. So, I think I'll keep it like this--at least for now. Thank you for your comment!
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wow the imagery in this is amazing! it is really effective in dragging the reader in and holding thier attention. kinda like i could feel your words and your descriptions as i read. very well written, great work and thanks for sharing!
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What an ending! I loved your imagery. It was beautiful but haunting and frightening all at the same time. We all feel like this from time to time (which is a bit of an understatement) and so, therefore, it's not random. Not sure about your mind though.
Sincerely,
Modernxtimes
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