Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The Otherworld

I want to write a poem,
But I don’t know what to say.
Should I muse on shining stars,
Or living day-to-day?

A million thoughts and fantasies
Jaunt lightly through my head.
They waltz around and will not leave
From crowing cock ‘til bed.

But though I try to grasp them,
They evade my frantic clutch,
And wait until they feel
Magic moonlight’s gentle touch.

To the nightingale’s song,
They weave my crazy dreams.
Sword and flame and journeying
Where nothing’s what it seems.

When the sun arises,
Heat that melts their shadow mist,
Then they disappear and leave me
Rambling like one fairy-kissed.

Night adventures fade away
To leave me grasping air.
But though I try, I cannot shake
The creeping hints of Something There.

I put my pen to paper,
Though I don’t know what will come,
And find a bridge to dreamland,
Over which my thoughts can run.

Now the Something There is lurking
In the corner of my sight,
Whispering of Fairy-lands,
The dreams that come at night.

Ink spills across the paper
From the frenzy in my pen.
A silly-happy poem
Of the world of Other’s ken.

This is the thought that came to me,
Dreams that tease me day and night,
That play across these pages,
Or still lurk just out of sight. . .

Author notes

LilEmoPrincess - "muse"

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 37 of 37

  • Demington
    September 16

    Edit | Reply
    This one finished well after a relatively uninteresting beginning. This sort of poem, writing about writing, is best when written with the phrase "Brevity is the Soul of Wit" stuck firmly in your head. Also, be careful when using cliches in your work. They should only be used when writing satire or when using them to mask a more subtle metaphor hidden in the subtext, never for their own merit, they have none.

    Thinking of it as the cutting a jeweler does, the more you cut away from this poem, the more concise and pleasing to read it will be until you achieve a balance of not saying too much and not saying too little.



    IC C


  • LilEmoPrincess
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    this is really an amazing poem!! and has allready given me ideas ofr a new one my self thanks! and gd luck int he contest


  • Chazz
    December 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is certainly the best prewrite I've read so far! A great ride through the finding of muse! Thanks for the entry and the help!


  • Kiss the girl--x
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    'Ink spills across the paper
    From the frenzy in my pen.'

    those two lines really really stood out to me, this was really lovely to read.

    thanks for entering
    ♥


  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    loved this write, a wonderfully penned rhyming and flowing gem! congrats on the silver.


  • Learning2PaintYou
    November 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this! It's great. I think all of us feel this way at some point or another. I know there are nights I spend restless, tossing and turning because I have a simple phrase jaunting through my mind, insisting to be written on paper, but I want to sleep so desperately that I don't arise. Hmm...I think I'm beginning a poem in my comment, haha. Anyway, thank you for your entry. I enjoyed reading it and I wish you luck in my contest.


  • chilali
    October 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely beautiful. I loved this. Hahaha and it is so true. Congratulations on all the previous trophies. Thank you for sharing this with me and entering my contest. Good luck to you


  • trekkergirl
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh how I have had days just like this one. My muse only works when she wants to. And I can definitely see how it has won so many trophies as it is a wonderful write. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.


  • Sunkissed xo
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A lovely poem with a happy, light tone this perfectly encapsulates and explains the feelings of wonder and amazement that is the world of the written word! Your rhyming is impeccable, the poem has a great flow to it, and the ending is utterly superb. This is a wonderful write! Thanks so much for entering, and best of luck in the contest!

    Love and Light

    Katie


  • xrain dancerx
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh i loved it. lolz. thanx for entering and good luck!
    *hugs* tay/tess.


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite wonderful. Congratulations on all your prior trophies, it is quite deserving. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper


  • Beating gold member
    September 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "I put my pen to paper,
    Though I don’t know what will come,
    And find a bridge to dreamland,
    Over which my thoughts can run."

    I loved that stanza! As you know, you've written a poem that is too easy for the community of allpoetry to relate to, and I applaud you for that. It wasn't the usual writer's block poem, but one that was filled with magic. I loved that!


  • LadyDementia gold member
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great piece, love the theme. Good luck


  • Hetha gold member
    August 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like the direction you took this write. I can relate easily with this. I can see also why it is well decorated. Nicely written. Thank you for gracing my contest with this write.


  • poetrandy
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Re: The Otherworld

    Quite a good poem with a fantasy flair and poet's problems with his / her muse. Nice choice of words, good flow, good rhythm, good subject, interesting, but slightly over-used metaphors. I think your word "ken" should be spelled "kin," but otherwise spelling and word spacing is very good. You did a very good job characterizing a poet's problem of getting stuck without any ideas of what to write about! It happens to all of us, one time or another! I like this poem a lot! It grabs me, right here! Good luck in your contest!


  • misshugglebugglez
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I loved it! I like how its mainly about writing a poem, which is exactly what you did. plus, it has a side of fantasy, which fits cuz its fantastic! I like the thought of the something there. this is great!


  • Salt Therapy
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    what a wonderfully captivating title.


    Now the Something There is lurking
    In the corner of my sight,
    Whispering of Fairy-lands,
    The dreams that come at night.

    Ink spills across the paper
    From the frenzy in my pen.
    A silly-happy poem
    Of the world of Other’s ken.


    Absolutely brilliant. ~ Kerri


  • l33t-n1nj4
    August 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was sooooo good. I love dream poetry. It has such imagery and beauty. Great work. The rhyme is perfection, and the flow is out of this world.

    "I put my pen to paper,
    Though I don’t know what will come,
    And find a bridge to dreamland,
    Over which my thoughts can run."

    Without a doubt the BEST line!!

    Great job. Awsome peice.


  • letters to no one
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "I put my pen to paper,
    Though I don’t know what will come,
    And find a bridge to dreamland,
    Over which my thoughts can run."

    This is how I feel a lot of the times I write, that's what's great about poetry, you never know what will flow from your pen.

    This is a really good write,
    Well done on the wins, it is deserving of them

    Shelly =]


  • Riamh
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this poem and can certainly relate but you did a great job....I think your muse is working well.
    Well done.

  • Poemdancer
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very sweet poem, full of great imagery, and interworven words. YOur rhyming scheme was great, not forced at all, and the poem made sence and had a story to it. My favorite line was 'Heat that melts their shadow mist',Overall great job, thank you for entering my contest.


  • lostangel07
    August 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely rhyming and interesting tone. I liked it..whilst it was simple it also kept my interest. A nice idea and well written. Thankyou.


  • Doll Faise
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely stunning. I loved this one. The rhyme scheme was powerful while I could completely relate to what it was talking about. Thank you for entering, goodluck.

  • piccola silver member
    August 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lovely imagery taking the reader on a flight of fancy. thank you so much for the entry


  • Darkwell
    August 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love this an the idea of the poem hiding from the pen an eluding the muse

    I put my pen to paper,
    Though I don’t know what will come,
    And find a bridge to dreamland,
    Over which my thoughts can run.

    i just love that part. WTG!


  • CrystalFlower
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very lovely! I almost didn't want it to end as I read through it. It has a beautiful flow to it, and wonderful imgagery. Good luck.


  • SaviDropKick.Oi.
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good job and good luck,
    Love,
    Mouse


  • Never Fall in Love
    July 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    remove "just" from the last line - it'll aid with better flow


  • Melissa Burns
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *I made it!!!!!* This was long but well flowing!

    Thank you for the entry into my ever so humble little contest. I wish you all the best of luck in the contest!!!!!!


  • CassidyEngle
    July 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ......

  • Still Gonna Shine
    July 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i adore this

  • EncounteredEpiphany
    July 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    BRAVO

    This flowed do naturally LO_AMO SALUTE!!!!!!!!


  • DARKsmith
    July 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    GREAT****

    Loved this one.
    Favorite part was the first stanza,

    'I want to write a poem,
    But I don’t know what to say.
    Should I muse on shining stars,
    Or living day-to-day?'

    It was just so simple and eloquently put. I would have liked to see this quality of stanza in the last stanza. Great work. Great read.


  • pulsating
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well if these words came to you in your dreams at night i'd say that it came out right


  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an awesome poem. I like the way you describe the things you like to write about. I enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.

  • Topnotchsy
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful piece. One of the better ones I've read in a while.

    The rhyme and rhythm were really strong, but I did have a tiny critique which I will try to illustrate:

    In the first 2 stanza's the second line's were almost identical. (caps indicate stressed syllables, lowercase unstressed.)
    "but I DON'T know what to WRITE"
    "jaunt LIGHTly through my HEAD"

    Reading those two, the rhythm worked wonderfully as they flowed naturally. It also set up the a rhythm that was to be anticipated.

    The third stanza though (and others following it) had 3 stressed syllables in the second line:

    "evADE my FRANtic CLUTCH"
    "they WEAVE my CRAzy DREAMS"

    Other lines in other stanzas were also a tad off, but I felt the second line affected my reading the most.

    That said, the poem reads well as it is and deserves the Honorable Mention it received. I feel though, that you obviously have real talent for this (based on this piece) I figured I'd point this out, as I'm sure you have the ability to play with it if you so choose, which in my opinion could still be just a hair better.


  • PhoenixFaith
    June 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very wonderful write. I like the rhyme scheme it goes so well with this piece and it flows just like a river. Beautifully written and a wonderful job. I really like the 7th stanza just something is there that caught my eye. good luck in my contest and keep it up.

    Always write from the heart
    Never give up
    Kate

1 - 37 of 37