Finite and finicky-
A dream across the page.
She plays to pretend,
Every artifice a charming turn.
What would she know or what would she think,
If she didn't end up here?
Oh no!
Banish such unpleasant ruminations from the firelight!
It is unspoken that such scenarios only borrow trouble when there's quite too much to go around.
But I've already said it-
She plays to pretend,
This dream across the page.
Author notes
The Border Gaurdian
A contest entry
- looking for new favorites by lively banter.
845 points, ended August 14, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
This is pretty good. You have a great start. I enjoy the alliteration of finite and finicky. And the dream across the page is pretty. I think the rest of the poem doesn’t say all that much, just repeating the first idea and you directly admit that at the end of the poem. I would love to see more here. Play more with figurative language and expand (not repeat) on the first couple lines. I’d love to see the dream on the page idea expanded especially. Show me what the dream looks like in vibrant detail. I don’t think that the questions help in the poem. To me, people use them in poetry when they have an idea they want to express but just can’t quite figure out how to word it themselves. So think about the questions you have here in your head and answer them in the poetry instead of asking. Thanks for the entry. I also think this poem would look and read so much better if you were to use some line breaks. This poem could use a haircut too, there’s a few filler words that just clutter space, case in point line 9. Thanks for the entry.
Adding your comment:
