and i weave
in and out
like the horse-hair hanging,
like the snail on razor-blades
I weave
in and out,
pulpy palpations
and butterfly wings
i hate the wind beneath my wings
because it turned my cocoon to dust
and i hate the water that i slurp;
it dissolves my clay memories
i've been across continents
without leaving my home
dancing with the puffy white dandelion seeds
like the last breath of a forgotten pharaoh
that permeates a tree's veins
but i am not life
i am not death
i am not reincarnate
i even wonder---
am i?
socialite amoeba
purple amnesia
Author notes
Sword of Damocles (Damocles, Dionysus II of Syracuse,) Nick Cave: Oh My Lord, premonitions, "stranger", stranger, stranger still, heartbeats, life, "the melody", Heart of Darkness (Conrad), Apocalypse Now (Ford-Coppola), PBS special documentaries (can i call them that?), Tutankhamun, Yggdrasil, The Fountain (Darren Aronofsky), existentialism, supernatural heaven. stuff.
i think i need to work on the ending a little bit more... that "am i" stanza there seems to be more telling instead of showing, which is what i need.
A contest entry
- plight of the individual by unraveled.
2000 points, ended July 19, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i agree the ending could have been stronger- but there are some parts that i like a lot. i like the whole stanza that starts with "i've been across continents without leaving my home"-- that is an excellent line...
i had to look of the sword of damocles, and that helped me to understand the meaning of the poem a lot more. however the beginning was a little weak in relating to that, the butterfly wings didn't help much toward the pensive and slightly depressing feeling of the poem.
still cool, thanks for entering
-cassidy
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thank you, this does help me. now it's just a matter of trying to find out the right way to fix it...
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