Twisted into going on a beautiful journey without much faith
I watch you take a step into a captivating world of unknown wraith
Grasping for forgiveness and craving a newly erased soul
Taking my hand, you reveal all your pent up hurt and how you have no control
My undivided attention is yours, I'm here to lend you an ear
You say, "Take a walk in my shoes, and then you'll want to disappear"
I carefully consider your words, but I need you to know that I care
I'll be around until you push me away, until then I'm not going anywhere
You lay down in the moistened grass, closing your dark mysterious eyes
Peacefully you close up your bitter mind of a thousand cries
I lay my head on your heavily beating chest, to let you know you're not alone
Resting my thoughts, a silver dove takes us to a place we've been dying to feel welcome:
Home
Author notes
Something very different. I like prompts. They're very inspiring :]]
The Power of Dreams by donjuki
In a list
A contest entry
- Contest Semi Quick Picture Prompt #12 by Weltt.
475 points, ended July 1, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In Honor of reciving 100 HMs by peridotPixi.
681 points, ended July 8, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into Gold (or silver or bronze) pt 4 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended September 6, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
pleassse tell me what you think :]
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is wonderful. You have one small typo in the fourth line, I believe you meant to put now instead of how. I love the feel of this piece, great write! Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Thank you for the beautiful entry to my contest,
I love the take on this photo prompt, I along with you usually find most photo prompts inspiring, I like what you have done and changed this poem into a silver dove its very beautiful my favorite part of this poem is when you "Take a walk in my shoes, and then you'll want to disappear" as always keep up the wonderful writing, ~Amy
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stunning!
WOW this is so amazing hun, really this poem is just pure gold, well deserved hm(i would of thought gold but oh well) the imagery creates such an amazing atmosphere,
really this is amazing hun,
all my love,
kitty xxx -
Great response to the picture prompt. Good imagery; I could picture the scene unfolding as I read. I agree that prompts can be very inspiring. Congrats on the HM for this, too.
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Loved every word of this! great job!
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I like the resolution the two make... the grasping for forgiveness, the revealing, the listening, the constancy, hand and hand closing off bitterness, peace's dove taking you home.
Marlene -
Awwww
Mandalicious!! This was sooooo freaking beautiful!! <333333 I honest to god teared up reading this!!
*You say, "Take a walk in my shoes, and then you'll want to disappear"*
Wowwwwww. Just fucking woww. That's only how I feel EVERY OTHER SECOND OF MY LIFE.
*I'll be around until you push me away, until then I'm not going anywhere*
I love this linee. It's so sweet and it shows how much you care about said person. Awww
*You lay down in the moistened grass, closing your dark mysterious eyes
Peacefully you close up your bitter mind of a thousand cries*
Captivating imagery right there. I could definitely picture a girl [or vice versa I suppose] laying her head down on the heart of a guy who's in pain.
*I lay my head on your heavily beating chest, to let you know you're not alone
Resting my thoughts, a silver dove takes us to a place we've been dying to feel welcome:
Home*
Oh god hoe, that's my favoritest part. I LOVEEEEE the thought of a boy/girl having a home TOGETHER.
This poem carried so much intensity and emotion and I was riveted...one of my favorites =]
<3333333
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excellent ending
this piece really captivated me. your word choice, the imagery - all of it, well done
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'I lay my head on your heavily beating chest, to let you know you're not alone'
That hit me so hard, it's like I wish I could do that to my boyfriend every single day. Anyways, your words are beautiful. Every.single.one.
♥
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This is such an interesting piece you have here...I don't usually see it aligned this way you've given such a image..lines flows smoothly by..I like the lines
'Peacefully you close up your bitter mind of a thousand cries'
and
'Taking my hand, you reveal all your pent up hurt and how you have no control'
It's beautiful!!keep on writing!!!
Lieu
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Thank you !
I'm glad you liked it ! <3
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no problem
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very beautiful.
My undivided attention is yours, I'm here to lend you an ear
You say, "Take a walk in my shoes, and then you'll want to disappear"
I carefully consider your words, but I need you to know that I care
I'll be around until you push me away, until then I'm not going anywhere
i love these lines, i just wish i had someone who was like this. someone who would stick around even when i said i didn't want them to.
great poem, lovely read.
good luck in the contest.
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Thanks for the nice comment !
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ooohhh, i really like this, its very powerful, and great flow
good luck in the contest and take care
stephanie
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