So many people don’t quite
see the relations of love and death.
I have.
I’ve whispered my discoveries to few;
they don’t think it’s right.
Not in morals nor in facts.
They say I’m looking at life through a black veil,
I’m a typical “Negative Nelly”,
I lack compassion and tact.
As if.
I’m a realist.
Sometimes you just have to accept
the cold, hard truth.
It’s right there before your very eyes,
don’t ignore it.
Perhaps I’ll have to cut the world some slack.
I was blinded as many are now,
back in my earlier youth.
They say that some lessons are better learned lived,
but I could’ve dealt with fast forwarding through the pain....
Anyway.
Some people seem to think they’re
living in some sort of fairy tale,
go on and believe it if you want.
It’s completely moronic of course;
there are no fairy godmothers to grant your heart’s desire.
And let me tell you, when reality pours down on you,
it won’t just rain, it’ll freakin hail.
So here’s the deal:
When you fall in love,
you lose yourself.
You might as well decompose
right into the Earth because
you don’t exactly exist anymore.
You basically gift wrap yourself
in vulnerability.
It’s a nice gift at first, I suppose.
But don’t say I didn’t warn you when
your heart is chucked into the give away pile.
That’s life.
Love is pain,as is death.
That’s how it is.
There’s no way to escape it
in either case.
You can’t possibly die peacefully;
the pain of missing all you had is suffering enough.
And you can’t undo that agony.
It leeches onto you like a parasite
and won’t give up until you’re nothing but dust in the wind.
Some things you can’t erase.
You live with your wounds all your life,
only they’re called scars then.
I really hate to break it to you,
but there’s no use pretending,
not every story has a happy ending....
Author notes
Honestly, this just sort of leaked out on me.
The rhyme is somewhat subtle; that's how I like it.
Prompt used: "Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't." - Mark Twain from Diana.
Hence, the fairy-tale reference.
It's not very poetic, but it's what I wrote.
Judge it as you want.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 9: Best of the Best - Round 3 by Tangled Angle.
475 points, ended June 20, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments and critiques are encouraged.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Good
I really enjoyed reading this piece. This is one side of life defnitely. This is the side of life that things aren't as you wished they'd be. But I am quite religious (Christian/Catholic) so I see the silver lining in the clouds when I sit back and let God into the situation. I can relate well to the love section. The love that has been in my life has be slashed down so many times to the point where you want to give up (which I learned it is stupid to give it up, otherwise I would have no material to write with). But you are quite vulnerable and let everything hang on the line for the one you cherish and sometimes things work out, but then there are the times where you fade into the mud as it pours acidic rain on a soul that loved so much but got lost. And no you can't erase the past, but you can take those scars and turn them into lessons learned and advance your life into something greater then it once was. This actually sounds like it could be the beginning of a book, that then tells the story of a life that went wrong leading to the point where this person didn't have a happy ending, but that's just my thoughts.
Great job, keep on writing!!
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Thank you for the lovely comment!!!
Haha I agree with the book part, I write a bunch of stories and could totally see this as like a prologue or something.
Yeah, I, too, am a Christian/Catholic and try to see hope and such. But especially with love, sometimes it gets hard and things seem hopeless. Everyone feels this way at times but instead of holding everything inside, I release my emotions into poetry. It's very rewarding haha
Thanks again for the comment!!!
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Wow, you definitely put that quote into a context of your own, that's creative and I like that. this is blunt indeed and it kind of fits your message. This sounds like a slam poem to me. I think I prefer the rhyme to be subtle like this. this is honest and well written, though it seems cliche in parts, like the ending. It really fits the genre, though, so I can't complain. this really is the kind of thing I'd like to hear recited...
Just two things:
"you’re heart" should be "your heart"
"you life with your wounds" - "you live with your wounds"
Hope that helps
~Diana
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Thanks so much for the nice comment!!!
I really enjoyed that quote. I love quotes so much they inspire me like you can't even imagine. The funny thing was I had no idea exactly what I was going to write until my fingers hit the keys and the words just sort of formed on their own hahaha. But thanks for the great inspiration.
Haha I knew I'd mess up somewhere -I was working against the clock because I wasn't supposed to be on the computer and I had to quickly type everything in final draft and submit it, then shut down the computer before my mom got home.
Love Always,
Caroline
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7.4
"And let me tell you, when reality pours down on you,
it won’t just rain, it’ll freakin hail."
-i love that part.
the rhyme was subtle, indeed, but i think you didn't rhyme enough. still, this was interesting and it made sense, and it did hold my attention. And i did have a positive reaction to the poem itself. this is one of those poems that would be most effective if read aloud.
the thing is - the rhyme is too subtle for me, like, i was expecting more i guess. still, you do have rhyme there so...it wont hurt all that much.
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To each their own, I suppose.
I hate rhyme haha. And I hate entire poems of rhyme, they're just not me. This worked and I'm proud of it. I'm glad you at least mostly liked it.
Again, Tyler, you push me in the best possible way. I've grown so much every round in every series and that means the world to me. I know this sounds like something I'd say if I were eliminated, but frankly, I couldn't have pulled this off not even a few weeks ago.
Thank you.
Love Always,
Caroline
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