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I Closed My Eyes

I closed my eyes to feel you
Inside my soul I feel you
You're not just human my love
You're more than human my love
I opened my heart to feel you
Inside my mind I feel you
You're not just flesh and bones
You're more than flesh and bones
I dance in heaven with you
I love in the universe with you
You're more than hands and touching
So much more than hands and touching
Our souls entwine and you are mine
Our hearts beat together in time
Our kisses are the stars above
Our dreams and thoughts depend on love
We are one in lovers embrace
Hold me now in sweet embrace

I closes my eyes to feel you
Inside my life I'm with you
The universe unfolding
You're more than I'm beholding
We twist and turn in twilight
And sleep together in moonlight
I want to be part of you
So much to be part of you
I dream in heaven with you
With so much love to give you
You're more than dreams and making
So much more than dreams and making
Our hearts and souls entwine in love
I know that you are mine in love
We are one in heavens eternity
Hold me now in heavens eternity

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    July 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry in our contest with this interesting poem, but you actually have no rhyme in it at all, just repetition.
    All the best Jeff and Sue


  • CelticQueen
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This...was...fabulous!

    I absolutely love this. The prompt below the message box says to tell you which areas sound awkward. There was only one that I stumbled on - amazing in a poem of this length. It's

    I dream in heaven with you
    With so much love to give you

    I felt like there should be another 'to' before the last 'you', but...then...maybe not.

    This rhymes so beautifully and the flow was like a deep river - so smooth you didn't even know there was a current.

    I just loved it. So very nicely done.

    celtic queen


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very romantic

    This person must be happy with this poem because you have expressed tender and loving emotion.

    I like the repeats you use to emphasise parts of your poem. I like the rhythm, the way the poem flows.

1 - 5 of 5