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Serious, Delirious


Serious, Delirious
Clowns on my wall 
Clowns are tha boom 
When my clown gets a frown 
Every bodies down 

Clowns are serious 
Delirious 
Everybody listens when a clown gets serious 
Delirious 

Past hypnotic 
On a topic 
Lets rock it 
Clowns on my wall 

Clowns are tha boom 
When my clown gets a frown 
Every bodies down 
Clowns are serious 

Delirious 
Everybody listens when a clown gets serious 
Delirious 

Thats what I had *UP TOP*


When a clown gets a frown
Everybody is down...

Clowns are delirious
Never Serious...

Listen as their tears fall

*What jcat made for me*

Author notes

Wrote for this contest but IDK I knew what I whated to sound like but I dont think it worked honestly IDK you tell me

A contest entry

I don't think it works what bout u?

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Comments


  • jcat gold member
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well you have potential but you formatted this like prose instead of rhyme so try reformatting it into a poem and see if it reads better for you...


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you have a few typos and it sounds like you are forcing the rhyme. as a writer, that tends to happen. where you have an idea and you know what you want to say, but when you put the "pen to paper", it doesn't come out like you'd wish it had.