Thresholds Mourn by LadyDementia at All poetry

Wrapped in brown velvet,
sweet smells of old.
Shafts cut the darkness,
lit gradient gold.

Spanish moss anchored

almost ageing the trees.
Through a tinted veil
the world does tease.

Silent melodies chained
to flower patterned walls.
Dividing the emptiness
with long barren halls.

Forgotten paint peels
on thresholds mourn.
Chokes air from my lungs,
and sings with scorn.

Smothered in solitude
the loneliest embrace.
Silken tears stream
at a life thrown to waste.

Author notes

For the Poetic Challenge round 5.

This is the poem that inspired me..

http://allpoetry.com/poem/4339499

It inspired me in a different way to my normal, not sure why but instead of seeing the dark theme as I normally would, I saw a lot of sadness there. The poem is called 'Prisoner' and brought to mind people who suffer with illnesses like Agoraphobia. Especially the ones who have no-one to visit them. It is their very first post on AP, and I really enjoyed it.
I have tried to capture the loneliness and despair felt by someone who is effectively trapped by their mind.

Please tell me what you think

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

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Adding your comment:
nature mithya
July 31
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Happens everywhere.
Trees that give life live in despair just waiting to die and no one really cares.
HeavensDaughter
July 6

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Wow! I read this more than once. Each time it hit me more powerfully. You have some wonderul imagery here.

I especially like these two stanzas:
"Silent melodies chained
to flower patterned walls.
Dividing the emptiness
with long barren halls."

"Smothered in solitude
the loneliest embrace.
Silken tears stream
at a life thrown to waste."

What a picture you paint with your words!
PastelMoons
July 4

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This is a masterful write
you should be sooo proud--
I am...
Amazing hun
simply amazing!
~Pastel
Pear
June 28

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WOWZER, this is BEAUTIFUL auntie!
Yes, it is a bit different from your norm, but I like it. You really did capture that feeling of loneliness 'n despair...my heart was aching by the time I finished...I'll be this person's friend!
Ithica
June 26

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The pain here is apparent even to those who may not be familiar with such conditions... It is a tragic and often incurable suffering to deal with mental illness... And part of the problem is the stigma attached by those who don't understand, which can seal the fate of those "trapped by their minds" A very emotional write...
wbiro
June 25

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Oh, to be in need of a smile... that will become my life task (as if it were't already!) to give it... and here is where I would wax philosophical on what a smile is composed of if this were not a simple comment/critique... Hey, I know, a response piece, yes, to the both of you (you and your inspirational source here), then I can write a new piece AND explore the philosophy of a smile... inspiration begets inspiration begets inspiration... three stars for your inspiration here! (and giving my life a purpose) OK, done http://allpoetry.com/poem/4366005
luckynsincere
June 24

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Lady D,
I am just in awe.. completely stunned by your poem this week. You have certainly prepared yourself for a step into the winners circle with this. I am really amazed at your talents. This was just what we wanted for this round... from the look of the response that your source of inspiration left for you here, it is apparent that you also inspired by being inspired!!! Nice!

Your score:

you captured 25 of the 25 possible for your comment on the poem that inspired you. I felt you really made the new poet aware of how powerful their words were to you... and this will push them to keep writing here with us!

your poem overall: 25. You nailed this from appearance to technical things... all in all you took the extra time to be sure you were ready to post!

CREATIVITY: 20. I like that you followed the system that the poet had originally used, and made it your own. You really dug deep for this one!

Instructions: 15. You followed them all. No bad things to say here

Wording: 14. Nearly perfect. I felt you could have been a little more unique with your wording. Metaphors would have enriched this... not that it is not rich as it is

total: 99

You ROCKED this week!

Mel
- LadyDementia
  June 25
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  Wow, thanks for the great score! I am stunned by your review as I was with bear but again very pleased Again I was far, far away from my comfort zone and so unsure about this write that I almost binned it twice....quite pleased I didn't! Thanks again for such a fab score, hope your well hunni
Arkbear
June 23

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Standing ovation in southern CA!

Loved your ability to pick right up on your new Poets vibes......you took this muuuuch deeper and hurled some great images at me.....loved it!

Title is superb....Flow is spot-on.....and over-all presentation is very nice ~

Each stanza brought new vision and poer to your write....lasting impression is well-rounded and I will remember this easily ~

Nice job....good luck and God bless you Pink!

Bear ~

comment on other poem = 23 out of 25

over-all write = 25 out of 25

creativity = 20 out of 20

instructions = 15 out of 15

wording = 14 out of 15

Score: 97
- LadyDementia
  June 24
  
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  Wow, have to say I am stunned by your response, and very pleased Thank you for the great score, I am so pleased you liked it.
tawk
June 21

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Beautiful yet sad. I could so relate, I myself am a prisoner in my own home, unless my hubby goes outside with me and then I am always looking over my shoulder and having panic attacks. It makes it hard to enjoy life when one lives within four walls all the time. Wonderful and vivid imagery and emotion. thanks for sharing, Theresa
BabyyyZilla
June 21

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taking my hat off
I take my hat off to you because you captured heavy emotions and swiftly wrote about them with grace, It's a beautiful poem. Thanks for sharing it with us all
Disturbed Prodigy
June 21

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i can only sit back with this poem and try to make sure my jaw doesn't hit the floor too hard, keep it flowing and good luck in the challenge
kiwigirljacks
June 21

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This really is so stunning hunny!! It captures all the sadness and loneliness that someone with this kind of condition must feel.. it is a very haunting write.. done with grace... I really love this!!
CountryCousin
June 20

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Really insightful.
I know of two people who had the disorder of agoraphobia. It was hard on them and their families because they were too afraid of the outside world. You did put a really in depth perspective on this.
vibes of heart
June 20

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brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey lady
this is a great poem!! a great write!!great rhyme, flow, and heart touching emotions!!! the inspiration chosen was awesome too!!!
mi sangre
June 20

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I am honored that my piece inspired yours. This is a fantastic piece and the way you can convey feelings through your writing and words is stunning. It truely does get the mind thinking.
paw-writer
June 20

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Beautifully Written!
This is a beautiful but very sad write. The last stanza speaks so strongly of suffering and loneliness. I am deeply touched by this write. Nicely done! Blessings, Patty
PatheticKt
June 20

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Oh wow, such an excellent piece about how beautifully devastating the persona felt about melancholy!
The flow helped with the subtle imagery for the reader to feel the sadness as well
Great write, all right!
Wayne Leon Learmond
June 20

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Stunning piece really. Very very well-written indeed. Fantastic piece of writing. Great rhyming. Such sadness within this piece. Good luck in the contest Lady D

With
Dark
Love
Wayne Leon
Zenda-Lokki
June 20

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Stunning
Wow Lady Demntia, this is fabulous. The background is gorgeous and the poem itself is perfectly rhymed and a pleasure to read.
Keep penning.

Del