On my way, at the brim
been in this wretched abyss
for far too long
Trapped in a self created sarcophagus
breathing the noxious fumes of
their poisons past, static
Hands grasp at the hope that summons
at the ledge
taking my power back
Taking hold of the hand
whose touch is unfamiliar, yet comforting
and it quells the angst so familiar
Grateful for kindness shown,
providing a fresh view of compassion and optimism
I am on my way!
Author notes
This speaks of my struggle to overcome the effects of abuse. I will pay forward the love and compassion shown to me.
A contest entry
- Without Rules by katiethepirate.
900 points, ended September 4, 149 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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"Hands grasp at the hope that summons
at the ledge
taking my power back"
Wow, such powerful words! I love this poem, there's an intensity of emotion a sense of "I'm-going-forward-not-looking-back" that really rips from the page and into my heart, I can relate to this on some levels and I thank you for sharing this, and taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck.
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"Taking hold of the hand
whose touch is unfamiliar, yet comforting"
I really enjoyed those lines, as I think we all somehow dream of finding comfort in strangers, even though it is the exact opposite of the way we actually lead our life. It's quite sad, and I like how you spun this piece, making the hope seem quite beautiful. Good job! -
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Thanks so much! Patty
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Awesome poem. Great job at tieing in that hope that i wanted.
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Poison indeed, and almost daily for me throughout my childhood. Climb all the way out of that abyss, my friend,
Abuse is so selfish and makes me sick at those who administer it. I'm glad you had help from time to time. Thanks for entering and good luck. PL -
Great poem. I've had to let go of some pain in my life as well.
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SORRY
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very beautiful and touching piece you have penned,
there is so much freedom when we let go of the pain.
wonderfully written
and my pleasure to read.
GOD BLESS ALWAYS... -
Learning to trust again is a major step to recovery and then to pay it forward continues the chain of hope.
This is very well written.
Patty
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abuse is a terrible thing that no one should have to endure I am glad you are overcomming it you are strong and this was an amazing write so filled with emotion I thank you for your entry and wish you luck
xox
Tasha -
The analogies used to mirror abuse are very fitting, and the piece wreaks of angst.
One thing I'd like to point out is that if you're going to use punctuation, do so accurately. Clauses should not be punctuated with a period, for example the first line. It is not a complete sentence so there is no need for the period. There are at least a couple other such mistakes, so I suggest rereading this and either correcting the punctuation or removing it altogether.
Thanks for entering.
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Thank you for your thoughful comment and the advice. I will look it over and see what I can change. I always appreciate advice. Thanks again, Patty
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So Familiar!
I remember a time when I was terribly abused. I was laying there thinking I'm an empty sarcophagus! This poem touches me so! Brings back a memory that I'd like to write about too.
Good luck in the contest!
Regards,
DeGraw
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Thanks for all your thoughtful and kind comments and the applause.. They mean a lot to me. Blessings, Patty
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I love this one! I couldn't find any errors or anyhting I'd like to change... But it completely gives me a sense the powering below the force, how it supports you and when you're almost, almost there...
Good luck on your way out of the effects of abuse; by this poem, you're almost there, so don't give up!
Evinde
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Ohhh I can so relate to your amazing write. I to struggle each day to overcome the effects and memories of abuse. I will be praying for you maybe one day we both will be free. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt write.
Theresa
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Very good. It does take a lot of compassion and kindness from very special people in our Universe to get to the other side of pain. As a yogi said the path to enlightment begins with the appeasement of pain.
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I suffered abuse, although mild comapared to many. The worst thing for me was being bullied for years. Thus these words ring true. The past hates to let go, but thank God that there are understanding, patient people out there. Excellent write.
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And then the light shone
Many victims of abuse are still trapped in a dark place even as I write these words, To them this poem speaks. In the dark they wallow, unable to escape their lonely prison. At least until they realize or somebody shows them a way out, and there the lights will shine upon the lost, bringing them out into the open to breath once again fresh air. Yes your poem is inspirational and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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Thanks so much for your kind and thoughtful comment. Yes, it is sad to think of all the pain so many feel. I know for me though, so many have come along at various points in my life to help me see the beauty also. This is what I hope I give back to others. There is always hope. thanks again as your comments are very much appreciated. Blessings, Patty
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This poem is timeless. We all have the ups and downs of mood and life. At the bottom, in the abyss, you do feel like you are being slowly poisoned to death and are on your last breaths. Very good depiction. Believe me, I know all about depression! Good for you for climbing out of what I call "the deep well." ~ Joyce
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Hello. This speaks volumes about the writer. May you continue to be a lighthouse for all who are lost in the dark. My regards.
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This is lovely, Patty. It kind of reminds me of the concept that we're all - ALL - connected in this great web of life. I commend your awareness here.
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Awesome write, I love the ending stanza, full of so much hope! Good luck in the contest, and thank you for your wonderful comment on my piece!
Blessings,
~Michaela~
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Very good
Grateful for kindness shown,
providing a fresh view of compassion and optimism.
I am on my way!
Love the ending
I like a happy story
Rick
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Thank you Rick!
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WELL DONE
WISDOM IS YOURS MY FRIEND
WONDERFUL WRITE
OF STRENGTH AND COURAGE,
AND COMPASIONATE
VERY WISE
GOD BLESS ALWAYS...
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Thank you for your kind words. Patty
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