A graceful traveler;
sent from Heaven's Gates.
Glistening teardrop from
the archangel of God.
Players of the melody,
dancing on our rooftop.
Mirrors in the sky,
and reflectors of our souls.
Tender touches from
the powers up above.
Blanked canvas
for starting anew.
Mesmerizing, like shooting stars;
or a comets dust on the wind.
Puzzle pieces part of
a quiet oceanic wave.
Seemingly celestial beings,
visiting for a moment in time.
Author notes
Title-> Subject Matter.
Subject Matter-> Title.
DUH!
Anywayz... I really like this one. I hope you do too.
Enjoy. Critques are always helpful.
A contest entry
- Have you ever... by Age of Rain.
1300 points, ended July 31, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comment honestly please. But don't be rude. CONSTRUCTIVE CRISTISM is welcome. But don't bash me; I work hard.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Bandits United!
Better late than never. This is an imaginative and sweet take on the life of a raindrop. I especially like the lines, "Players of the melody,/dancing on our rooftop." Beautiful stuff.
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Bandits United! ~
Apologises on the late comment
~
This is astounding and oh so beautiful; the soft flow of imagery comes out so elegantly and it just enchants me as I read
Beautifully penned!
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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Bandits United
What a beautiful piece! The imagery that you have in this piece is outstanding and the metaphors you have also add to the imagery. I love your take on the raindrops. i have read somewhere that as poets we need to describe what others cannot and I think you have caught an aspect of the rain most people do not. Great job fellow bandit. Keep it up.
Always write from the heart
Never give up
Kate
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Bandits United!
What impressed me most about this poem was the imagery. You describe rain in a way that engages the reader and makes it seem really beautiful. It is the job of the poet to make us see things in a new perspective with fresh ideas and you achieve this in this poem. Thank you for posting.
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Bandits United!
This is a really enjoyable poem. You have used beautiful imagery in this, and the poem flows well, which makes it easy to read and understand. Great job here!
Keep on writing!
Annie
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Bandits United !
Ah yes, Raindrops, the tears of Heaven, a beautiful subject to ponder. You have used some wonderful imagery in this thoughtful write, well done my Bandit Sister.
Write On!
You have been Spotlighted by your Bandit Family today because WE CARE!
Brother Dennis
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Bandits United!
Lovely piece with lovely alliteration threaded throughout, and lovely celestial imagery.
Will ponder for a while on this to help me unwind after a hectic day at work! I can feel the realxation slowly filtering through with every line.
Thank you for sharing, and enjoy your day to shine in our Bandit spotlight!
Lou x
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Bandits United!
this is so beautiful, and has amazing imagery. I was very touched by this lovely poem.
Love & light
Debbera
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Bandits United!
Great metaphors for rain-many creative and unusual, not a cliche in the bunch. Well done!
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Bandits United!
I really love this one too! Such beautiful imagery and emotion throughout. I always feel when it is raining that God is cleansing the world and after everything feels renewed and clean. Thanks for sharing I hope you enjoy your day in the spotlight, hugs Theresa
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Bandits United!
This is incredibly beautiful as written, "I love you always" Amanda. I can see nothing to change that possibly could make it one bit better. I love the metaphors bringing the message that, in forgiving us, He gives us that blank slate with which we started life in the cradle and our parents wrote upon. Now, we must take great care that what we write upon them is pleasing in His sight.
Well done!
Luv & hugs, BonnieQ
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BANDITS UNITED
Excellent write with vivid imagery and thoughts.
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BANDITS UNITED!
What a beautiful poem, full of dreams and sounds. Lovely use of metaphor throughout, and is a gem of a poem.
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BANDITS UNITED !!
SURPRISE!
Coming by to admire your poem and tell you truly that it is beautiful and you can be very proud of it. I especially like the second stanza with wonderful metaphors.
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Bandits United!
I really liked this. The imagery and contrast was excellent, you managed to clearly show the way a teardrop forms and compare it to our own lives.
Shari
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mmk. This had some really wonderful stuff in it. This hid between the fluff of your piece as well.
For example, you first stanza could read
'Graceful traveler
from Heaven's Gates.
Glistening teardrops
from G-d
playing melodies
they danced on our
rooftop'
Or something to that effect. When you have lots of words like 'the, of, etc.' it takes a bit of power away from the more meaningful ones. (just my opinion)
I think this poem is good, and would love to see you max out its potential.
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