One red rose
stands alone,
crying crimson tears
One red rose
cries alone,
love, what it fears
One red rose
so long ago,
broken and betrayed
Same red rose
to this day,
trust remains frayed
One yellow rose
transplanted,
sits among the red
One yellow rose
and one red,
sharing the same bed
One yellow rose
petals wide open,
like welcoming arms
One yellow rose
rescued the red,
with all his charms
Red and yellow
merge together,
tiny blossoms grow
Red, yellow,
orange and pink,
colors overflow
Red and yellow
just don't mix,
so some might say
Red and yellow
share their love,
still, to this day
Author notes
"I'M COOL!"
crazymomma
So, my man is hispanic and some people think we shouldn't be together because I am white. I had been hurt by a con artist ex who stole from me and was leary of love. I am the red rose and he is the yellow one
Uprade from bronze
option: roses
A contest entry
- Charm me Agian by peridotPixi.
450 points, ended June 27, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything to Inspire a Lost Soul by SoftlyScreaming.
1200 points, ended June 29, 2008, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need Favorites ^___^ by edit my world..
555 points, ended September 3, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Comfort Zone (Talk About Your Problems) by Hovels 2.
624 points, ended August 19, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Misfortune's One-Year AP Anniversary Contest! {EXTENDED} by Misfortune.
750 points, ended August 26, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimmie somthing that doesn't suck. by Predaw.
460 points, ended October 27, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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wonderful piece here. thanks for your entry and best of luck
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So, this is my second comment and this comment will be about the poem, itself. I promise that I will make this shorter.
POINTS FOR THE FOLLOWING
- Following the rules.
- I LOVE the idea of the red rose representing you and the yellow rose representing your lover. It’s a beautifully creative symbol.
- You really did a great job at conveying the pain of the red rose.
- You really did a wonderful job at conveying how the yellow rose is different and how the yellow rose saved the red rose.
- I love how in these verses, it gives me the idea that the red and yellow had little baby roses.
“Red and yellow
merge together,
tiny blossoms grow
Red, yellow,
orange and pink,
colors overflow”
- I like this verse.
“Red and yellow
just don't mix,
so some might say”
You just gave those people who stare and always have something to say, three little lines and nothing more. That shows you don’t let those people get to you. It’s the love that counts more.
- This poem is cute, romantic, a little funny(I’m sorry I giggled in some parts), and very deep.
- I love the form and flow of this poem. -
I have to agree with Sweaters here, it should not matter at all, although some people make a terrible fuss over it and it's the same as why people make a fuss over me being partially sighted THEY DONT UNDERSTAND.
I have dated 2 fat blokes (not meaning to be horrible, they would admit it themselves) and they were both bad to me but that's by the by, one athletic, one slim and one part Carribean, so I can relate to the stares you sometimes get.
I hope things become better for you two. Message if ever want to talk
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Thank you for the kind comment. The worst part is my own family being predjudice. We are so in love and he makes my life wonderful every day but that doesn't matter because they only see the color of his skin. I believe we are really all one race- the human race. I wsh you all the best and thank you again.
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For Comfort Zone Contest
I'm Hispanic myself, but I look white and my ex is black, so I was sort of in the same situation as you are now. Actually, I still am. Because my current boyfriend is Native American and I am still the white looking Hispanic.
Haha!
Maybe I'm naive, but I think that the good thing is that in this generation, we don't have too many extremists. Therefore, the odds of you getting psycho bigots pounding at your door are decreased. However, you still will get the little remarks and the little stares. Which suck equally as much. You just want to slap them with their own hand. The best advice I can give you is ignore it. They don't know you. They don't know your man. They don't know the relationship. So, they have NO RIGHT to be staring nor to be talking. And if they do, all their stares and the things they are saying are base on ignorance. And why bother giving any time on ignorance?
Interracial dating is hard, but you can't help who you fall in love with. And just imagine, if you have kids, how beautiful they will be.
As for what happened with your ex, I'm sorry that happened. I have this theory that all the BS you go through regarding intimate relationships, is just something that gets you ready for the real thing. Gets you ready for that one person, that really loves you and that everlasting love that you will finally get. Everyone comes with baggage because of all those bad experiences with past relationships, but when you find someone willing to carry it with you, that is something special.
He sounds like a wonderful man.
Best of luck to you both.
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I like it. The flow is smooth throughout the poem and I like the rhyme structure which is well done. The poem is easy to read and simple but at the same time descriptive. The picture and background set the tone for the poem and seem to help it along. I also know where your coming from although it really wasnt as much from race as it was from social class. I was a highschool dropout and a soldier engaged to a woman from a very rich and powerful political family that was 2 years away fromobtaining a degree in psycology. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Beautiful write, with beautiful message. A bouquet with many colors is much more beautiful!! Thank you ffor entering my contest!
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I do think the first and second stanzas together read redundantly - just a personal opinion. While I am a big fan of personification, I do think that it was taken a bit too far in a few places. Still, not bad, and I think you have a great message included, though I wish you'd read the rules more carefully: 50 words or less. Thanks for sharing!
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I love the story here. Great imagery, rhyme, and rhythm. Definitely trophy material.
Well done!
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beautiful!
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I really liked the stanza "red and yellow merge together, tiny blossoms grow" and the beginning of your poem. It was such a touching piece. Thank you for entering my contest. I hope it all worked out for you and your boyfriend in the end
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I love your poem and I would love to have you in my family.
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oooooh my!!! what a simple, heart touching write, your love shines through so bright and pure, I love it! I have to say, I especially love the 1st stanza "crying crimson tears" and this:
"Red and yellow
merge together,
tiny blossoms grow
Red, yellow,
orange and pink,
colors overflow"
Absolutely divine!!!!
Thanks so much for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck.
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Nice pen!
Congrats on the wins and good luck in the other contests.
Regards
Jennifer
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Very pretty. I'm not much of a rhyme lover because if not used properly, it really messes up the flow of the poem. I noticed a few spots where the flow and beat was way off.
Of course, I do have to comment on how unique the whole idea of your write is. You combined roses (which are pretty much in every love poem)with a unique concept of blending and whatnot.
Thanks for entering!
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great imagery and use of metaphors.
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Great i loved it and the flow it was just ahmazing.
good luck in my contest.
..<3..
Shelly -
I really enjoyed this, and as I was reading, I knew where this poem was coming from before even reading your author notes. Nice job!
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Very nice I like the repeated lines it kind of gave a chant like effect.
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I am white, and married to a koren..he is the oldest son.. marrying a white chick is a huge no no, lol.. so i totally get it. I thought it was great, and loved the way the roses intermingled..
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very cute and catchy. i agree to adsaige to some extent, it struck me sort of as a child's poem, just the sound and style, the rhyme scheme and repetition, the "happily ever after" ending. caught the part about "racial mixing" right away, the image of "One yellow rose / and one red, /sharing the same bed" and later how "Red and yellow / merge together, / tiny blossoms grow" in beautiful color combinations, even though they "just don't mix, / so some might say."
the part about healing from your past was a little less clear the first time i read it, though clearly expressed the second time through after reading the explanation in the author notes.
overall though, nice little poem with a distance and a lightness to it even though its talking about your personal healing from what must have been a very painful betrayal.
a few small suggestions:
"trust remains frayed"- phrasing seems a bit awkward as part of the sentence, perhaps something along the lines of "For the same little red rose/ to this day / trust remains frayed" might help sort it out a little.
"rescued the red,
with all his charms"- "rescued" seemed a little heavy on the personification, straining the metaphor a little here, hard to see how a rose could rescue another. i know this is based on your life and relationship, but perhaps could find a way of describing this while staying more within the metaphor? also "all his charms" seems a bit vague and not exactly what i usually would think of as a means of rescue (though that also makes it somewhat intiguing).
also "crimson tears" strikes me as having been a bit overused, and while the overlap between "stands alone / crying" in the first stanza and "crying alone" in the second helped reinforce the pairing of stanzas, felt it was maybe a bit redundant.
you also might want to give the commas in this a second look... for the most part look good, but might add a few and might not need a few others. i can give more specific recommendations if you'd like, but i suspect i've talked your ear off enough already.
continued: as far as punctuation
maybe a colon (":") or dash ("--") instead of a comma before "love, what it fears," an additional comma after the first lines of stanzas 3,4,5,6, and 7, and no comma after "rescued the red." not sure about the comma before "so some might say," think its right, would be aneasier call if it were "or so some might say" when a comma would definetly precede it, but i think it's correct the way it is.
hope that helps! -
This is beautiful
Color is only for the eyes of the beholder love is without color for love is found within the heart .Let no one take away from that love and enjoy life as one
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Unbiased, I think I can handle that...
this piece is very lovely and
written well, however i cannot
exactly take it serious. i don't
know why, i love it, but it doesn't
strike me as a serious piece. it
strikes me as playful and childish
(not entirely in a bad way). i'm
unsure of whether you meant it in
a very serious way as the metaphor
was lovely, and creative.
otherwise, it was a lovely write.
congradulations on the bronze. -
i [loved] this; it was fantastic - hate societys view that colours shouldnt mix in relationships but have never managed to quite portray this view well in my poetry.
However with yours, as soon as the yellow rose entered, I had a funny feeling what the poem was about, and [loved] the metaphoric decriptions. Kudos, I really enjoyed reading this!
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"Red, yellow,
orange and pink,
colors overflow
Red and yellow
just don't mix,
so some might say" i liked that part alot. this is very well written. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
aww hun this is cute and perfect... love has no measure no color no definition... greta job and congrats on bronze.. my favorite part was;
Red and yellow
merge together,
tiny blossoms grow
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beautifully penned poem...this piece is truly lovely!..the visuals were just wonderful too!..these colours represent the cottage rose...red and yellow...one of my most favoutire of roses...tk u for sharing...xoxo...PS
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A very touching story and write. Congratulations on the Bronze.
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i really love this poem you have wrote about the one rose and how that the yellow rose of friendship is opening his arms, and i love how the merge together and the just start bloosoming everywhere this is really cool, keep up the wonderful writing, ~Amy
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its a realy good metaphor and very beautiful. i loved it!
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I love the analogy here, about how compatible roses can be with each other, and in love it is the same...I really like this write!
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this was unique.. roses sharing the same bed.. you have an imagination that shows brightly.. good luck and thank you for entering my contest.
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THIS IS GREAT!!! My first love happened to be mexican, so i understand. I didnt know people still thought like this!!! Even then i was shocked and it was 10+ yrs ago!!!! beautiful write!!!
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Hurtfully True
Don't be swayed by others. They don't live your life so their opinion does not have a chance to change the way you feel. All roses blend together if given the chance.
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woah. ur babe is hispanic??!! weird..... lol. u ex was a con artist? me n my (step)dad was at a truck stop once (hes a trucker n i went with him) and there were some cons at the time we didn't kno they were but ya my dad lost a cupple hundred dollars... (we tight on money and losing a few hundred buckets is realllly hard for us)
great poem! i see you added more to this good luck in the contest momma. hope you win! hope u will! lol n i bet you will!
love ya!!
love
muah
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I was thinking
You should put in the AN why those are your charms.
Very intesting mix. -
Did you write this in Texas?? And I like the cat they are awesome i love bald eagles too!! and lol can't forget you little leah!
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LOL - I'm playing too. Love the seahorse... reminds me of my mispent youth (which I NEVER think of as mispent
)
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thank you for the entry to my contest, i like the thought of the eagle, have fun
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