Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

A Burdened Mind

 

My darkest colours consume

in the absence of luminosity

from comfort's hand

 

And malignant murmurs

eat away at any serenity

when trepidation

holds sway

 

Shroud falls over vision

Stumbling stupid amongst

silent threats within

a perplexed psyche

 

Battle bravely beyond

what wisdom will subdue

Tear down the terror

that withering within resides

 

Yet...

 

I cannot lift

this burdened veil

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

I wrote this based on a prompt from a contest I missed, and have since fleshed it out a bit.. prompt was:
"Your fear lets the darkness reign"

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • crimsondew silver member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is superb....wonderful imagery as always....the reader can feel the journey of the mind here...


  • maa gold member
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    amazing ...
    you are a great observer ...
    if only we were able to have such clearsighted vision and the necessary dimension of detachment DURING those periods of fear and darkness ... I'm sure those monsters would fade away right before (or behind) our eyes ...

    very elegantly and sensitively written,
    thank you,
    maa


    • kiwigirljacks gold member
      July 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you.. that is so true.. if only we had that then, but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it!

  • Valley Girl gold member
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    Such a sad and deep write that I am sure many can relate to. You have really went beyond with the prompt. ♥

  • chiefmac
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely image here of one seeking comfort, to find their voices eat away serenity. Hope staggers forward to battle terror that resides within and finds the burden holds the narrator down. What a walk through this imagary to battle those forces to keep the narrator down. What a great work for the prompt.


  • SilverStrandedEcho
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    A very powerful write my friend. Your words are pained, and so well expressed - leading the darkess within, to beat with-out. Great detail here. Wonderful write!


  • PerfectImperfection
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    Intense!!! This is such a wonderful spoken piece in sullen stride. Powerfully perplexed in thought and depth of imagery. Smooth, and so well woven dear!!! Great write!


  • Ravensdark
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    You certainly made the prompt yours....bent it over and ummm.......Shouts darkness that is echoed by my black dog....poigant and very well articulated....excellent write...


  • LadyDementia gold member
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    Sometimes life weighs us down to the point we are crushed, yet we always seem to bounce back for more. A superbly penned piece hunni. Stunning visuals


  • Weltt gold member
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    I think you know how much i liked this in my answer to it Your use of subtle alliteration is always enviable. Such a rhythmic feel to all your write. Totally entrancing every time. Great job on this sis. I give you GOLD!! *hands over trophy*


  • mysticstorm gold member
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    Burdens of life weight heavy upon a heart and soul...such depth and meaning in your words...lovely work, dear sis...glad you posted it even without it's contest...I love the opening but the whole piece is excellent...
    Love,
    :


  • phantasyintrigue-x silver member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Hah, that's my contest! LMAO you should totally have let me make another entry for you...oh well. Not exactly 30 words, but I would have let it slide for this entry.

    "My darkest colours consume
    in the absence of luminosity
    from comfort's hand"
    Love the contrast between 'darkest' and 'luminosity'..."comfort's hand" is nice as well.

    The ending kicks a lot of ass--it's so "I know I have a problem but I can't do anything about it"...which sounds a lot like life.


  • solo wisp gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, burdens have that effect on us ... although we usually cling to the burdens for dear life ... never understood that, but it happens a lot in my life. Trying to let go seems to be hard, then accepting that you've let go is even tougher.


  • Lucy. gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Tear down the terror
    that withering within resides

    Love these lines! Pity it had to end on such a helpless note, but still, a beautiful write.


  • aboomer silver member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Great take on that prompt!! I especially like,
    'Shroud falls over vision
    Stumbling stupid amongst
    silent threats within
    a perplexed psyche'
    and
    'Yet...
    I cannot lift
    this burdened veil'
    Nice job!!


  • Cerulean gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    A great take on that prompt. It's too bad you missed the contest.


1 - 17 of 17