On that dreadful rainy day
as her friend was lowered to the ground,
Her heart could feel the pain
while unable to retain her frown
Walking down the beaten path
as silent tears threaten to fall,
Remembering memories of the past
for they always had a ball
She stands there on a cliff
deciding what to do.
As the winds lashes around her,
there is a whisper in the air.
A lone tear falls down her face
not wanting to go on.
She readies to fall
so she can join her friend.
A fierce wind pushes her back
as cries of no whisper through the air.
Shoulders slunk, she sobs out her despair,
not wanting to be left alone.
Author notes
user name: missjilleen
theme: emptiness
* star
My poem is about a girl losing her best friend. Instead of trying to go through the pain, she wants to end it, but she can't because the wind (which is her friend's presence) pushes her back, not wanting her to give up.
One of my friends was down lately, and we were talking about death, and that in a way inspired this poem about losing one of my close friends.
A contest entry
- CONTEST FOR BRILLIANT YOUNG MINDS #3 (20 and under only) by islekine.
750 points, ended July 1, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To Start Things Off... by Simply Simple.
300 points, ended July 2, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Lemme start by saying - awesome. ^.^
This one really hits the reader with emotion. It's so sad...and heartfelt. I love the concept - of how a girl pushed to the edge of life itself is rebounded away from danger, both literally and mentally in a sense, by her friend's presence. It all added up to a powerful ending.
Great job here - keep writing!
--Flare
o}--{=======>
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I love the story here. And I love the overall concept. Thanks for entering. This was great. Very inspiring.
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Aloha!
This is a great story...theme...but it is less poetic than I like...also "no" when the wind whispers to her... I am scoring now! Best wishes in the contest!
Write on!
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a sad write of death stealing a friend and the part of being alone. I know how that feels. it can be terrible.
I am sorry if this is real, as too many close ones I have lost to death, my enemy.Thank you my "lil" princess, could feel your anguish.
Your Knight.
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So sad
Very sad story, Jill. Well done.
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