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Lovers lost in Frozen Souls Paradise



Angie and Billy were high school friends
cruisin' the streets in hot beater cars.
Laughin’ and drinkin’ with the stars
Who sang…
Milky way dreams and electric guitars.
Bold lovers souls who reached for Mars.

How could they have known…..
The bars slam tight
entering

Frozen Souls Paradise.

Feel  heartache, hear tearful moans

toking dreams in peaceful pipes of hope.
Loving life and livin' large to remain,
tender lovers
of
Starlit skies

Who sang....... 

Milky way dreams and electric guitars.
Bold lovers souls who reached for Mars.
How could they have known…
The Bars slam tight
in
Frozen Souls paradise.

It wasn’t long before he choked

to stop the clawing pain of dope.
desperately stealing,

sustaining residency,

in

Frozen Souls Paradise

his soul wept

Milky way dreams and electric guitars
Bold Lovers soul who reached for Mars.
How could they have known…
the bars slam tight

in

Frozen Souls Paradise.

Grieve for their loss in broken hearts,
lovers sold under weeping stars.
Missing the magic of their touch,

hearing veins slowly collapse,

laughter and dreams auctioned off… 

tender lovers lost
in
Frozen Souls Paradise

stings their refrain;

Milky way Dreams and electric guitars.
Bold lovers souls who reached for Mars
How could they have known
the bars slam tight
in
Frozen Souls Paradise.

And the stars whispered,
It is never too late …
escape....

Tender lovers lost

in Frozen Souls Paradise. 

Author notes

Contest prompt: Open prompt.

This is a lyrical song/poem,
I've been hearing in my head,
for some time now,
finally got on paper,
and critique is welcome.

It's based on a true lovers story.
Finally found the courage and peace
to write it ...calmly.

picture is talented artistry of:
Nadja Bernhardt
A full gallery is
available for affordable purchase,
and their framing is exquisite.
available: allposters.com

A contest entry

Please don't be shy to comment...it's how we grow poetically!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Sanguinarius gold member
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    "How could they have known…the bars slam tight in Frozen Souls Paradise." I loved these lines. Another bold piece of writing you have here. Full of emotion, and if a piece does not spill over with emotion, then what good is it ? Excellent! ~Bret~


  • adsaige gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    a very interesting write that i have never seen before. the style and musing of this cause me to stare at the words long after, something of value on the tip of my tongue. very good write

  • Lucy. gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Before seeing your AN's, this is so obviously a song, so you've done a great job with it. A moving story too. You've done it justice. Well done.
    (Great pic, by the way!!)

  • celadia
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    I'm giving myself points for my thoughts as I read this that it was a song, you might want to record it on tape. i like the urban feel of it esp since it mentions stars so much. In reality one can't see the stars too well in the city but this worked really well. The story was well told, I have to admit I didn't quite get the ending, to me it seemed he quit drugs. the line about choked gave me this impression, I don't know if it's the right one. Keep in mind that almost all writing is re-writing. The repition was not boring so that was good, just the ending like I said, I did not understand it but I have to say I have never done any drugs.

  • Lowell Poe
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    ...toking dreams in peaceful pipes of hope...
    just a masterful line.
    A piece that has a feel and a tangible sound as it read.... escape.......a well placed single word that does the piece more justice then one could imagine.
    I would love to give you some great chords to put this to....i have many in mind.
    It had that running through the square feel to it...searching....seeing a chance and running with it.
    Great work lassie.

    LOWELL POE


  • moluv10
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is a great song! I'm a big fan of these song writes because i write them myself. I love the way you took a real story and created the song around it. you're a very talented artist and i feel fortunate to have met you. Best of luck in the contest sis.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Every now and then I have poems arrive as songs and they drive me nuts! I wish I could transcribe the tune or even sing it, but as the instrument I play is the trombone I stick to just writing the words. Good fun here

    . Rewarded 4


  • Kleroo
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    I was wondering why you repeted it so much but if it is a song to then that explains it the only other thing I dont like is what does electric guitars have to do with dreams?

  • Wesley Storer
    June 19
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent Poetry Page

    Wow, your picture of the virgin in the moon is great, and the ballerina in the stars is too.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply

    a very interesting.

    song. it's got a lot sad elements, but also some good times and surly it steeped with great imagery! nicely done. p.s. were you intentionally meaning ..milk way or milkly way? just wondering.


  • Dads.Girl.No.More.
    June 19

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely...

    Nicely done!

    "And the stars whispered,
    It's never too late ...
    escape....
    mightily..they.. reach out."

    Wonderful title...
    Very, calmy written. : ))

    Beautifully penned,
    You'll do great in the contest!

    Love always,
    Nikki

    . Rewarded 4


  • rollingzen
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    fresh..original.....

1 - 13 of 13