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[ Nightly Rituals ]

I walk into my room and take off the smile

The dark welcomes me with its horrible embrace

I'm not ready to face the night again

Not ready to submit myself to the torturing pain

Yet still, I walk forward

 

I close the door and leave the day behind me

With the strike of a match the candles are lit

The smoke fills my lungs, but I don't mind

I welcome anything that brings me closer to dying

But I don't want to leave this life

 

I pull out my razor and close my mind to happy thoughts

The feelings of the day are left in the distance

My delima is whether to draw blood or not

The candle-lit darkness urges me on

Its shimmmering and glittering enticing my mind

 

I let the night over rule my good reasoning

Common sense flees from the pulsating fury

I'm mad at everything, everyone, but mainly myself

No one is there, here, wherever, whenever I need them to be

And I'm enraged that I let that upset me

 

I was meant to be alone

My soul bares no room for the pure light of others

I slowly run the razor's sharp edge over my skin

Then faster and faster, until my anger subsides

And it leaves me feeling hollow and guilty down deep

 

I bandage up my wounds, wash away the numbness it gave me

Feel the ache of my tormenting pain return

That fast and it's over, I'm back in the dark

So I lean back on my bed, roll over

Close my eyes, fight away the pain, the guilt, and fall asleep

 

I blink my eyes to confirm I'm awake, alive

Lift my fat body off of my mattress

My cuts on top of scars are all but healed

Blinking away tears, I look up at the sunlight

I pick up my smile and start about my day

 




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Um... Yeah....
This is from a few years ago, so my friends, you need not worry.
I wrote it from memory of those horrible nights when I felt all alone.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • NiennaCalmcacil
    August 17

    Edit | Reply
    I've read over a few of your works...we seem to have a bit in common. I'll favorite you...can't wait to read some more stuff =)
    Great job...I loved the whole concept using the smile as a facade for the outside world...I know how it is when all of one's smiles are really just lies.
    Again, great job.

  • Tide
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    I hate it that you even thought of feeling this way.
    And I feel terrible because I couldnt be there for you.
    You are always loved!
    I LOVE YOU!!
    Great poem btw. Sad,emotional, but true and honest and thats all that matters.


    • GiftedPsychosis gold member
      August 12
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks.
      It seems people always like my sad poems.
      I do have enough of them!
      :->
      You're there, here, for me now and that's what counts!!
      So thank you!! THANK YOU!! ThAnK YoU!!

  • XxYoru-OkamixX
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    wow. that is like... wow that's amazing. yer a great poet.

  • Totenkindernlieder
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is a beautiful poem. Written with such raw and savage honesty, it is heartbreaking in its brilliance. I can only hope to aspire to write as well as this. You captured the emotions perfectly, and the imagery you used painted a picture in my mind. I am so glad that this is a memory, but even still. That you have this memory is truly depressing. I can't claim to know exactly how you felt, but I can say that I have felt similar feelings. I am so glad you are on this site, you are such a gifted poet. Thank you for this wonderful read.


  • purpledragonfly gold member
    July 1
    Edit | Reply
    glad this is written from memory!


  • Innocent Evil
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    *whew* the poem got me worried, but i love the poem sooo dark and sad. Be happy! I like the end


  • robforte
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    raw and ravaging in it's honesty

    i felt the blade and the release.

    excellent work!


  • Akarian silver member
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    freaking wonderful. Seriously, perfectly captured the feelings, the truth of it all. I am quite stunned.


  • TheBrokenJuliet
    June 20

    Edit | Reply
    not like love, your such a great poet cori. I was worring about you the whole time i was reading this, it made me sad...but i use to be that way too. Good so i don't have to worry about my bestest buddy <3 then again I always worry about people. I don't know what to say...i love dark poetry and this definitely is like the best ever!!! I love you cori cori <3


    ~maddie


  • donttellmeyoucare
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem. Deep emotion and just the right amount of darkness. Thanx for entering and good luck in the contest!

  • FuzzyFangs
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    Feeling alone. You should get a bunny. Great job, but now I feel depressed. or

  • ATaintedRosesWrath
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    hmph.

    you are not allowed to be sad anymore.
    end of story.
1 - 30 of 30