Sweet Sixteen

Sweet sixteen, never been kissed
Only had fantasies to satisfy me.
I take a course, set eyes on him; he made me laugh
I was attracted to both personality and physique,
Called him the “Rock”

Who knew one week together would result in this?
We kept in touch, online friends
Talked so much, it was unhealthy.
Feelings grew and grew, on his part and mine
We talked of a relationship
Sixteen years old, still scared and naïve
I couldn’t date him; parents wouldn’t approve
But I dreamed of him being my first kiss.

He suddenly has a girlfriend one day
That girlfriend isn’t me.
How did that happen so fast? 
What changed?
I’m still here…
How did he forget about me?
Hurt, frustrated; dreams disintegrate
He was the cause of my first heartbreak.
We didn’t talk much after that; maybe every few months
I remained sweet sixteen, never been kissed;
I moved on
Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty

He came back, four years later,
When I was upset over losing you
He noticed; offered his support
I can forgive; it’s been four years; feelings are gone.
We talked, got close again; I remembered what I loved about him
My friend was back; I lived in the past, sixteen again
It made the pain of losing you lessen
I smiled, I laughed; but he was no replacement for you

I finally saw him; it had been ages
We sat around for hours, just hanging out
Memories of that sweet sixteen flooded back; was there a spark?
I had dreamed of kissing him for so long
Would it happen now?
Would I pass up the once-in-a-lifetime chance?

Well, it happened; he kissed me
I was sixteen again
Go figure, after four years,
My dream finally came true.
I blocked out all other thoughts; didn’t want the moment ruined

Selfish greed took over,
We didn’t want to stop
Things went further than I thought they would;
Kissing turned to touching; touching turned to sucking
I let myself go,
Immersed in my sixteen-year-old mind.
When pleasure had been satisfied,
We lay down on a couch
He fell asleep quickly; I stared at the ceiling

Was that ok?
Was I a slut?
What about you…you’d kill me if you found out
It’s ok, you wouldn’t.
How could you?
Impossible.
It’ll all be ok…
This just won’t happen again.
A one-time thing,
No one will know.
I was sixteen for a day, living my dream.
That was it ... it was harmless.
I lay there, just staring;
My sixteen-year-old fantasy asleep on my chest.

He wakes up, gives me a kiss;
Time for us to go
I was distant, stuck in my thoughts
He asked if I was alright.
I was fine, just didn’t want to leave ...
That’s what I told him.
When he left I thought
I had an amazing time; I should forget the negative thoughts
I convinced myself you’d never find out,
Yet I told him that night, it couldn’t happen again
No relationship, no benefits;
Strictly back to friends.

Then you found out
I shouldn’t feel like I cheated; we’re only friends
Yet the guilt ate me alive
Always caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
You and me, we had our fun
I was just having fun with him now ...

But it only happened once, I swear
I told him never again.
I promise!
Why don’t you believe me?
I’m sorry, I really am
Why do I feel the need to apologize?
I was selfish
I was immature
I was sixteen for a day ...
I just want to cry
How did it go so wrong?

Now I can’t remember that day as being good;
I can’t remember the fun I had, the pleasure I felt
Instead I think of that day as a mistake.
Something I wanted so badly ... now, an error.

I was mad at you for ruining that memory
I’m mad at me for ruining the future.
I never satisfied a dream from the past,
I destroyed a friendship of the present.

I did what I wanted for once;
Threw caution to the wind.
One decision ... just one

Turned that sixteen-year-old fantasy
Into a twenty-year-old nightmare.