As unexpected as snow in the summer
It hits with a turbulent force; damaging
Although there is no one to blame
You blame the inner self; pity and fear
As the vision in your eyes turn gray, empty
No blue water, no red fire, no green grass
Guilt, disbelief and pain have all arisen
No distinct time frame on your life span; a riddle
For how long will I suffer like a slave of old?
A diseased body, wishing to die
The earth's lifestream has delivered its deathblow
I am ticking, similar to an old grandfather clock
Except I am not as wise or aged as that grandfather
I am young, very young; My anatomy might argue
The positivity in life is overshadowed
Things that had once made you joyous have lost definition
All that remains in your soul is jealousy and envy
At this point in my journey, the terrain is rugged; dangerous
With nothing but a steep cliff at the end, and rocks below
Meet me at the bottom; I will be waiting for you
Author notes
Option 2: Cancer
I decided this as a topic because it just came to me, and I had not read a piece with this theme ever. I hope you all enjoy it!
A contest entry
- CONTEST FOR BRILLIANT YOUNG MINDS #3 (20 and under only) by islekine.
750 points, ended July 1, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Will Someone Please Impress Me? by anon053641.
625 points, ended June 27, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - death....PW allowed.....allowed to enter as many times as you want! by XXxXBassMeisterxXxX.
450 points, ended July 22, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Intense. amazing and intense. it was such a beautiful and dark write. It was truly amazing. Best of luck in my contest
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Your words said so many things and had me close to tears.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thank you for entering my contest. I think this is a rare topic for a reason it is a very difficult topic to write about as it evokes such intense emotions. I commend you for choosing such an untraveled road. This was a very good description of emotions and feelings. Great write and good luck
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Aloha!
Scoring now...Best wishes!
Write on!
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Ooh wow, lots of (not so) wonderful emotions, put together beautifully in a very well written poem. the fear is evident in your words, but yet, you get this sense of acceptance. Really nicely done, thanks for entering my contest!
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Wow this is very well written i like it alot. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
i liked this a lot.... now i have to mark it.... i'm so sick of this contest lo
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This is heart-wrenchingly sad. It is written with such a sense of despair, and yet acceptence, within the lines. To me it is even sadder because I have watched two people I love very much die of terminal illnesses. One was my friend who died when we were 7 and the other was my mummy's best friend who had been a big part of my life since I was born. They never gave up hope though. They left the world loving it as much as ever and wishing they didn't have to say goodbye. Life is just not fair sometimes...but it doesn't get better if I sit and cry so I try to love life as much as they did and be grateful for every second I've got. Thank you so much for sharing this poem and making me think. It is very emotive. Good luck in the contest!
Ellie -
Wow this is really really really good i like it alot. Its very well written. My favorite part is when you said "A diseased body, wishing to die The earth's lifestream has delivered its deathblow I am ticking, similar to an old grandfather clock Except I am not as wise or aged as that grandfather I am young, very young; My anatomy might argue" that part was worded so great i liked it alot.thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly
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Wow very interesting i like it alot its very very well written and worded so greatly. And plus you made the point that you were trying to make. Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
Very, very sad And the worst part isn't that they are dying. The worst part is that the disease has taken away their will and desire to live.
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really emotional and deep. wow! it is so sad. good look in the contest and future poetry xxx
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a lot of really good analogies...very descriptive. i like the grandfather clock part...
I am ticking, similar to an old grandfather clock
Except I am not as wise or aged as that grandfather
very good. this one wasnt just pulled out of nowhere...it took some thought. i like it (minus the depressing theme of it)...you'll be ok =) -
keep writing you will be amazed what you make it through
brilliant description and the feelings are clear understood and easy to relate to
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