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Gray

I stand outside in the pouring rain,
The cool droplets splatter my pallid face.
I spread out my arms and let it fall,
Twirling,twirling,
My black, soaked hair flying in every direction.
The thunder rumbles the ground I stand on,
But I welcome natures shake.
I then stop twirling,
And I rub my eyes free of the water.
I don’t care that black now stains my face,
I only care of that feeling.
I then raise my umbrella above my head,
Enjoying the soft pattering.
I walk on through my life,
Glad that I took the time to feel the rain.

Author notes

hmmm... not sure if this what you were looking for... and it's not one of my better ones, but i tried!

cerbie20
theme: life seems better in gray areas-the rain being the gray area

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • islekine silver member
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha!

    This is the best entry I've read so far...poetic..emotion...feeling...
    Couple suggestions that may make it outstanding...
    first person in poetry is something to avoid using "I"
    in...also don't use "and" and "the" so much...
    Check this out...your poem tightened up:
    Standing in the pouring rain,
    cool droplets splatter my pallid face.
    Spreading my arms, I let it fall.
    Twirling, twirling
    soaked, black hair flying in every direction.
    Thunder rumbles ground beneath....

    Get my drift? Your poem...tightened up...
    Scoring now! Best wishes....
    outside in the rain...where else would you be?
    watch for little things like that...
    Write on!


  • DarkFairy1
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Yes!

    I really enjoyed this. I love the rain and as I read it I could just feel that free spirited kind of feeling you feel when you dance in the rain. This has excellent flow. Very well done.


  • Cerbie20
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    <

    i believe i forgot the part... sorry....

    • islekine silver member
      June 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      So....put it in..and I will add you to finalist list..

      lol...thanks!

  • checkmate
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. I love this. the imagery is breathtaking- simply beautiful. the ending is awesome. great work and I love the theme. rain has to be the most beautiful thing ever awesome work once again!

    -checkmate-

1 - 6 of 6