Faded footsteps echo me
My heart beats imperfectly
With the sudden beads of sweat
Copper handle, my hand is set
My hand on the door
I’m aware of nothing more
Power to control the worlds
Lurked beyond, remained unfurled
Its shadow contained its wonders
Mesmerizing me like thunder
The mirror across the hall from me
Will tell the future carefully
A tale told not long ago
Of doors and knobs to undergo
Things that are and shouldn’t be
But sit in reality truthfully
Hesitantly I touch the knob
And mimic the mirror’s history throb
I open the door, releasing time
At the sound of the harmless wind chime
For time no longer truly exists
When knobs replace the clocks on wrists
Rooms where thousands of doors are mistaken
Transforming butterflies now awaken
Author notes
this is kind of unexpected. i like it. itd be cool if you did too but hey. i cant please everybody. comment
A contest entry
- I want poems about doorknobs. by SmartBrick.
540 points, ended July 4, 2008, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
hi. i like you if you comment.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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a good piece of poetry that flows gracefully with a light rhyme and rhythm and an anticipation lurking throught.
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thanks
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This is a wonderful poem, I love that last line. Unfortunately this contest is for honorable mention winning pieces only. Since you have won a bronze I cannot consider it in this contest. Sorry, but congratulations on your prior bronze win.
♥
whisper
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oh woops. lol sorry!
thanks!
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well penned, very nice indeed.
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stanza 2 and 3 are just ok. i would write something about doorknobs and doors like a maze. you know. doors behind doors hiden secrects. kinda thing.
its too good of a poem to have those 2 stanzas weighing it down.
this is my favorite poem by you=] -
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hmmm good idea. remind me to do that tomorrow. =] thanks grace. you helped a LOT!
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Faded footsteps echo me[good phrasing i like]
My heart beats imperfectly[fine]
With the sudden beads of sweat[is that spelled right?]
Falling from my coronet[wth is a coronet and it sounds liek you are trying to rhyme. not cool. mmm copper handle, my hand is set. or something with forget. or somthing my fate i met. or something else.]
My hand on the door [fine]
I’m aware of nothing more[good]
Power to control the worlds[just ok]
Lurked beyond, remained unfurled [good word choice]
Its shadow contained its wonders [good]
Mesmerizing me like thunder [love it]
The mirror across the hall from me[ very good]
Will tell the future carefully [perfect describtion of the mirror.]
A tale told not long ago [good]
Of doors and knobs to undergo [good]
Things that are, aren’t and shouldn’t be [i would get rid of aren't and make it just Things that are and shouldn't be. like mistakes you know]
But sit in reality truthfully [is sit the best word. maybe but slipped into reality *******ly. not sure what the ** should be you firgue it out.}
Hesitantly I touch the knob[best stanza]
And mimic the mirror’s history throb [i like it]
I open the door, releasing all time[i would remove the all. it thows off the beat]
At the sound of the harmless wind chime[good picture]
For time no longer truly exists[good]
When knobs replace the clocks on wrists[I LOVE THIS TO DEATH. THIS MAKES ME HAPPY.]
Rooms where thousands of doors are mistaken[ good]
Transforming butterflies now awaken[perfect]
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thank you so much grace! hey i really didnt think "When knobs replace the clocks on wrists" was a good line. i thought it was stupid and i was just trying to rhynme lol. thanks. oh and a coronet is kind of like a tiara. well thanks again!
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this totally reminds me of my old stuff.
i love it.
ahhh do you want me to comment on every little part cuz i could.
i really love it. -
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yes every part! i want critisizm!! (how do you spell that??)
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heyyyy, this is reallly goodddd.! i like the mirror you just threw in thereee! its cool.
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HEY!I really like this!It is good.So many powerful sentences!Really made me think.
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I LOVE IT!! when I was reading it I was singing it... it would make a good song you just need to sharped in alittle for the song!! OME Kali I love it alot!! Good job. The Transforming butterflies now awaken was alttlwe wierd for me but hey it is your peom. But i truely love it!! Is there a event that is behind it or is it just random for the contest. To me it is kind of like this year like it is just all of it in a poem. But I have no clue so.. LOVE IT KALI!! truly!!!
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haha i liked the way "Transforming butterflies now awaken" sounded but i guess it didnt fit the poem. let me know if you have something better! thanks.
yeah i guess it does have something to do with this year. its like im sitting here right now reflecting all those memory from a mirror. yeahh. thanks
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