One
How much I love you or not:
Could I place the flowers
in water?
Because I love you could I:
look after myself,
insist on being myself without
compromise or betrayal?
Put food to my mouth,
ask, are you my me,
Do I hold You
to stay true?
Yes, all these things
all of them can be a Way.
Simple keeping in mind, not changing;
needs, practicalities, needs of others.
Spirit of intention
closer or further from your love
for who or however might be.
Be yourself before stolen by paraphernalia's
mixing fingers; fear clinging to guy rope
tents of illusion, indecision too busy
for hand in service of the Real.
Choose your master,
there's no doubt you always have one
this, that, him, her, a thought.
Swapping positions, hungry then
dissatisfied, judgement self punishing,
all of it rubbish!
One, One, One!
One master, one mind, one soul, one body, One.
No other, no conflict.
'No fight no blame.'
no you, no me, no he, no she, no it nor thing nor
lack of thing; she, he, it, things,
Make them all One.
There is only one happening;
Hold with whole-hand holding You
...it IS you!
Author notes
'HE is in your Hands, If you are ready to hold HIM'...Unknown.
A contest entry
- If you are ready ... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended June 30, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Welcome any sincere response and critique
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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A beautiful picture and a shiny gold trophy since last time I visited. Well done. X
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Well I am not surprised. I know this was a winner! Congrats Karim, very well deserved indeed
Ruby
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"There is only one happening; Hold with whole-hand holding You...it IS you!" Boy, I'm glad I'm holding on this week, and hope with always, I'm clinging to that hand! Thanks for this write, Sol, and your voice to hold to in some tough times...it's meant a LOT!
magic
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I feel a very real friendship with you magic...
I believe we support each other, equally and treasured'ly.
Sol
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Yes It is HE..and summing HIM up with your wonderfdul words is the acheivement as well..well done..my thanks for such a wise entry in my contest...
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Thank you for your award...
I feel highly honoured to have received it, as I did with your most generous and encouraging comment.
The best to you always
Sol
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Thank you so much Prabhu, your eyes mean much to me.
Sol
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Karim, I came by to see what other changes you made again in this piece..and of course I notice the lovely flower you put up there...
Could I place the flowers
in water?
Yes you could..
I feel it is life learning process to be the 'self'..
There is only one happening;
Hold with whole-hand holding You
...it IS you!
Your ending say it all..can't say it any better..What a lovely Pen you got Mr
..sigh
Ruby
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Thank you Ruby, for your eyes...
and I'm glad you like the flower.
I much liked the water in it.
Sol
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you keep writing them, i'll keep breathing them in and learning how to be one .. and then one of me will admit which one is which.. right now, i don't know.. but one is one
and one is good - yes
i love this hun, it's bloody marvelous
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Thank you.
Yes... I think safe to say one is good, when it contains all the other 'ones' anyway. The impartial One, in which we can find peace.
Heh'... if you knew how I've been wrestling with this 'one'!
x
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Oh, like the changes! (Or have I just noticed bits I didn't before...
)
I can so hear your voice saying this...okay, okay, I have, but still, reading it - it just sounds like you. (Which is a good thing!) X
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all of it rubbish!
I like this Sol, fits with our last conversation. One beauty.
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I am immediately caught by these words:
"Because I love you could I:
look after myself,
insist on being myself
without compromise or betraying."
In love, it seems, the self is always the first thing to go.
I suspect that's why I'm stopped by that stanza, it's a poem in itself, in the questions.
and then by:
"Choose your master,
there's no doubt you always have one
this, that, him, her, a thought."
The first thing this brings to mind is 'freewill' -- a direct association for me to the word 'master'. I love that this includes 'a thought' as I see that as an expression of 'will' and tend to think, we are all slaves to our own, whether we admit it or not.
And the end, speaks for itself
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Thank you
I felt unsettled about much of it, when I looked again today.
Have made some more changes but it is still much longer than intended and possibly diluted.
I agree, the ones you mention stay but I will look again with fresh eyes later.
Sol
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I will look again, when I am more awake, and less hurried by two small children
and you're welcome
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Nice dedication to your love Sol..I will come back to comment more..
Salsabil
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Yes, it is dedicated...
however the intention was that it be universal more than particular regarding any meaning.
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Thank you for the rope to hold on to.
X
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I have never left critical suggestions on your work, so bear with me. If any of this feels unwarranted, it is not intentional. I think that as a writer we should always get lost in the work we are reading.
The first thing that struck me as I odd was the repetition of the word "love". Now I know that the poem revolves around this, but maybe you might consider leaving more space between the repetition at the beginning? I just noticed that as the poem went on, you start using it less, but at the start, it felt like too much. In the third full stanza from the top you also have the word "being" very close...Maybe you might consider finding another word that means the same thing or simply hacking one. Just a suggestion.
Your poetry is very sound orientated. You use punctuation in a way that is not only restrictive, in a good sense, but you also use flow as a vehicle to put across the imagery...Which creates tension and intensity. I did very much enjoy the repeating of "no" at the end. I thought it helped add to the piece, instead of take away.
I guess I consider you a word-weaver. Someone who is able to skip around seamlessly and without many hand gestures from you.
Really am loving your stuff. I like getting lost in poetry that requires me to read several times. You certainly are one of those individual voices that carries on a breeze. Lovely.
;
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James, Thank you so much...
I agree entirely with your observations and thoughts you have mentioned regarding the repetitions.
I would like to say, I did write this very rapidly and posted more or less as is, before editing. I do this sometimes because I find that by 'giving it over' in this way, it enables me to stand back and process it further with a different perspective on it, which I like. Hope that makes sense.
Anyway, I believe if anything you have sped up the process for me, by pointing straight to the issues which most need addressing. I would have been combing more widely before coming to this.
Much appreciated
Sol -
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No problems. I post sometimes as well and let it sit for awhile before I make any set-in-stone changes. The poetry and work I do off the site will be set aside for however long it takes for me to feel that it is time. I think it is good that you don't rush into things, blindly. You have found a very helpful way though to get out the poetry first and foremost and then, make some edits. The most important thing for me is to let the poem stew, then, the changes will become more noticeable.
So yes. You are very welcome, Sol.
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