in the night
i would come in through your window
because you invited me
red wine
and clothing draped
around your mirror
then i ask you
"would you like to live forever?"
"you dont have to anwser right away"
to this you say
"why cant i see your reflection?"
i know you wont take this right
but i belong to the night
i crave the blood of passer-bys
you ask me
"if theres any other way?"
you cant help me
i cant be saved
i can see your spirit leave your eyes
life has no more meaning or suprise
a new song ive been working on
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Bravo.
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i agree with what bloved said, this smacks of dark and seductive atmosphere, like a dangerous lover on the banks of a river plotting a family in the hills of italy... sorry i digress.
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This makes me think of vampires...dark but seductive.
So far I like what I reading, but I'm wondering what genre of music you are writing for?
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i have a link to my myspace on my page if you wish to get a feel for my music
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sure I'll check it out
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"you can't help me
i can't be saved"
~ i like that part.
Have you ever watched the movie, "The Lost Boys" (i think that's what its called) This is what that reminds me of. Cool.
These lyrics are very well written and I love the idea behind the words. Very brilliant.
There are some grammatical errors, but I won't focus on those...they're not important, anyway.
But spellcheck and correct punctuation never hurt anyone (wow, does that make me sick to say) lol
You started it out strong and it had a great ending.
"i can see your spirit leave your eyes
life as no more meaning or surprise"
I love the ending!
I like the idea on which this poem is based on.
I absolutely suck at writing dark stuff or anything to do with monsters/vampires and such.
I'm better at writing love stuff (but not cliche,by any means)
You're great with this stuff, though!
Kudos on this one.
I loved it.
Sincerely,
dovey ~
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