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unsettled smudges shared

 

 

 

 

 

sketched
in cold crayon-
 
hard and sharply
poised;
 
balanced on pages
edgewise,
 
each frame of us
thaws
by the fire of otherness.
 
 
 
each touch melts hands,
reaching
blurs fingers round.
 
 
 
we release.

 

 

 
colours
fall apart

 

           [ shapes merge between offerings ]

 
and an image shared
congeals.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • polly filla
    June 23, 2008
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    love the crayon analogy---messy & neat, separated, and all together

  • unraveled
    June 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i enjoyed this, it felt very personal and i got a deep sense of understanding from it. the line "each frame of us thaws by the fire of otherness" struck me in particular (that's a good thing). the line "shapes merge between offerings" seemed out of place, and the spacing was a bit wide, but on the whole i liked this piece a lot. the simplicity speaks more than muddled imagery ever could.

    thank you for the entry,
    -cassidy


  • transcendental baby gold member
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I especially liked it for all the reason James doesn't! That line "each frame ... fire of otherness" made me sit up and holler in my recognition "YES ... HELL YES!!! And from there the hardness of crayons melted into the black waxy mixture of everything!!!


  • apples fell
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I have to be honest here. I found this to feel kind of broken. And this is awkward:
    "balanced on pages
    edgewise,

    "each frame of us
    thaws
    by the fire of otherness."
    - The transition of images is odd. Especially from "edgewise" into "each"...Just doesn't seem to read right. And then the "thaws" into "by the fire"...Weird.

    This same feeling also went along with the entire poem for me. Each bit feels off. Kate I usually can say I fell in love with your poem, even with a strange part, but this, I didn't like as a whole.

    ;

  • Suzanne Dia
    June 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

1 - 5 of 5