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I Should Of.

There was once a moment sometime ago,
where you were sleeping
and I curled up next to your side,
in that special spot
where your shoulder meets your arm.
How I wanted to wake you by kissing your lips.
Brazen silent sexual pleas,
my eyes burning what I was yearning
into your temple.
Wrought with pins and needles
nerve endings flooded with Niacin flashes. 
Touch to taste.
My fingers making motions of tracing
the sides of your face.
I didn't dare to wake you from your peacful slumber.
A chanced rejection would of been
too much to bare.
So I stayed curled up next to your side,
in that special spot,
where your shoulder meets your arm.
How silly was I.
I should of taken that chance
and awaken you.

Audrey Evans
6/18/2008

Author notes

Rainbows and stuff. Other.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Forgotten Anomaly
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I nearly DQ'd this for being listed under the catagory of Sexual, catagory I banned but upon reading it I don't think its all that bad. Love is an emotion I don't understand, human contact is something that I tend to avoid so I was not able to connect with this poem but it is stll wonderfully writen none the less. Thank you for entering my contest.


    • AudreyEvans
      November 10, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comments and not DQ'ing my poem. A person like me, who wallows in emotions and human contact' can get a person whos completely opposite of the spectrum of wallowness, to somewhat like my work is a great feat. So I thank you again.

      Audrey
      aka Rubyvaroom


  • Hebz
    August 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "My fingers making motions of tracing
    the sides of your face."

    I like these line, coz they are the link between ur wish, desires & what you really did.

    Thnx for entering & Best of Luck

    GloriousGift
    Heba

  • luvdrkchocolate
    August 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh. This is a cute little poem that you have going on in here. I could just tell that you feel all warm and squishing inside for this special person of yours. It's so wonderful to feel like that for someone, isn't it? I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.

  • piccola silver member
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautifully sad. Romantic, filled with yearning and yet sad. The regret at the end is palpable...the reader can feel it. I'm not sure but I think at the last the word should be 'awakened' though. you might look it up to see. Just a thought and thank you for the entry


  • satan-
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aww this is so cute at first, but then you start to think about the depth of your words, and I can feel the regret in that last couple of lines. Love is a silly thing, and it's strange to think how such a simple concept can bring so many different emotions to the plate. Love the poem, thanks for entering!

    • AudreyEvans
      July 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your comment and support. The bitter-sweet truth of a beautiful moment that could of been a memorie to hold on to with gulity pleasure, is now a regret. This truth, is more than I can bare... Thank you again.

      Audrey Palmer
      aka rubyvaroom


  • Maldronah
    July 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A lovely thought, beautifully expressed.
    You have reminded me of things I thought
    I had forgotten.

    • AudreyEvans
      July 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hello and thank you for your comment on my poem, "I Should Of.". As short as your comment was I'm still am deeply touched by it.

      Thank you
      Audrey Palmer
      aka rubyvaroom


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aw.. i like this alot. Very cute and very well written thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    I think this is a wonderful sensual piece the end was great...totaly caught me by surprise. I loved it. ~mandie~


  • Neet
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Kinda sexy

    I liked this. I enjoyed lines 3, 4 and 5 and liked the fact that you repeated these lines to tell a story. Very clever. Line 7 is kinda sexy. Good for you!


  • ml12
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the descriptiveness of the language. More than that I like the your choice of words (E.g. 'where the shoulder meets the arm'. What I also like is how you have left the audience with a feeling that the might have been something more if the situation had resolved itself differently. Good luck in the contest

    • AudreyEvans
      June 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hello, I wish to thank you for your comment and support of my poem, I Should Of.. Please feel free to submit this poem to the Featured poems list, since I can't do it myself.

      Thanks again.
      Audrey Evans
      aka rubyvaroom


  • imagineart
    June 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    VERY nice

    The should've, would've, and could've exposed. I like this piece very much...I could totally feel the frustration of not taking action. The remembering back and wondering what could have been...


  • unheardwisdom
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this. I enjoyed the slight bit of repition and the overall flow of the poem. Great job.


    • AudreyEvans
      June 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment. I felt that the repition gave off the feeling of fustration. Yes, no?
      Audrey Evans


  • ModernXTimes
    June 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The only thing you would need to fix is the last line "I should of waken you," which should really be "I should have awakened you" or "I should have woken you." it's just a technical thing. Otherwise, it's still a fantastic write. Very real and personal. Maybe after you wrote this you went right over to your man and woke him up, and then you attacked each other like two hungry dogs (did I just say that? geez it must be late. sorry!) besides my completely out of line comments, great write!

    Sincerely,
    Modernxtimes

    • AudreyEvans
      June 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your wonderful comment and support. I'm glad to see that my poem is being so well recived. Thanks again.
      Audrey Evans


  • brightXdarkness
    June 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oooo I love the ending of this poem the best!! I love the repetition of the "special spot" and then you sum up all the emotion when you finally say, "How silly was I. I should have waken you." It really made the poem whole with those last lines!! YAY! lol I really like this poem! - made me feel all happy inside

    Alex

    • AudreyEvans
      June 22, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment and support. I changed the last line of my poem. I tried your suggestions and better spelling, but the correct spelling and different choice of words didn't seem to work. If not a problem please check out what I did instead and tell me what you think. Thanks again.
      Audrey Evans


      • brightXdarkness
        June 25, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        YESSS this is it! I'm loving it! and now the ending fits in perfectly!

      • brightXdarkness
        June 22, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        hm... I have read this poem again. And now, the poem sounds amazing! Like... the whole thing! Seriously, I really like it so much better than before now

        Okay... so here's what I came up with: I am pretty sure that you took away something from the end. Now it seems as if the "how silly was I" seems sort of out of place because the whole mood of the poem has been altered. Now you can spice it up if you want though. For example: "How silly was I to not have waken you? - I should have."

        What do you think?

        Alex

1 - 23 of 23