Breaking your heart
Like splintering the mirror
As the crimson blood flows
I’m reminded of you
Every step that I take
Breaks apart the ocean
And every tear that falls
Shatters the world
It must be for nothing
That the moon sets every morning
Otherweise every night would last
But my fingers touch air
As your footsteps fade
into darkness...
Author notes
new version of my old poem. i changed the last two stanzas people.
A contest entry
- Paper Mache && Shattered Glass by CatastrophicSmile.
300 points, ended July 22, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
hi. i like you if you comment.
Comments
-
whoa this was such a good poem! The first two stanzas were probably my favorite, but the others were great too. You did a wonderful job with the metaphors, good luck in the contest
-
wow, this is like super amazingg!? i don't remember it andd i understand itt. first stanza confusing, but second two good. last onee good?
-
-
i kinda didnt know what to do with the last one. i had to make it metaphoryish so i just came up with a random metaphor. if you have something better tell me. pleaes. thanks!
oh and you understand it? -
-
hmm i don't think i could write anything better and the only thing i didn't get was the first stanza the the rest of the poem seems like a story and the first stanza doesn't seem to fit. likee what is splintering the mirror? never mind i guess i get the whole poem except for like the first two lines.
-
-
Adding your comment:
