I.
The cuts on my wrists can't compare to
the gashes in my heart when we're
together. The water and the blood in
the sink wouldn't mix [like you and I]
II.
I'm starving for the truth you can't
give me and filling the empty spaces
in my mouth with the infidelities
that drip off your lips. Then I realized:
I wasn't hungry for what you could
give me, but what you couldn't.
III.
Your coffee stained teeth and sand-
paper-like fingers, that always found
a way between mine, wasn't the reason
why I stayed. I purposely put myself
in the way so I could become collateral
damage. But darling; I'm so lost
in the ether, you couldn't have
damaged a thing.
Author notes
Ohfuck.
I suck at titles.
I hope you like this;
surprisingly, I kinda do :]
Tell me what you really think.
A contest entry
- Inspired By Intensity by Janetheplain.
330 points, ended June 25, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From June 2008 by Amaranthine Lover.
1100 points, ended July 30, 30 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Find me. Fuck Me. Forget me.
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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I really like that third part. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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wow im still in awe abotu the way you write
its sooo beautiful
i lovelovelove your poetry its friggen amazing!
The water and the blood in
the sink wouldn't mix [like you and I]
---
i like it. espeically the brackets, theyre like a whole new section in poetry & i love using them haha -
Am learning to be able to get to the level where you are.. the level good
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You did go over the 15 line limit, but you really impressed me and that is wayyyy hard to do.
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Wow, I'm an idiot.
Sorry! D:
Thank you for the honorable mention :]
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I love the truth in your innermost of feelings.... and for that.... you are a contest finalist! take care always and good luck in the contest!
~pithyAplomB. -
your emotion in this poem is painful and yet, so easy to relate to.
-
"I'm starving for the truth you can't
give me and filling the empty spaces
in my mouth with the infidelities
that drip off your lips. Then I realized:
I wasn't hungry for what you could
give me, but what you couldn't." i loved that part it was ahmazing.Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
Shelly -
It's 'gashes' not 'gashses'
I don’t like that someone put you threw this. I want you to be better; I want to help you get better :] You’re not suppose to cut yourself when things get ‘bad’ and feel impossible. Nor is your heart suppose to be gashed, especially at your young age. Wonderful symbolism though. You shouldn’t have to starve for truth; it should be feed start to you. Baby, you shouldn’t have been collateral damage!
Oh and your last line should read like this “But darling; I'm so lost
in the ether; you couldn't have damaged a thing.”
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Nah, I'm not cutting myself, you silly goose.
I'm fine.
I'm just writing haha.
I love you Ozzie Wozze <3 -
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Phew!
That's a HUGE relief =]
I love you too, Mary moo <3
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I purposely put myself
in the way so I could become collateral
damage. But darling; I'm so lost
in the ether, you couldn't have
damaged a thing.
these lines spoke to me so much it hurt.
i love the way you write.
good luck. -
Congrats on silver, bitch.
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What's that suppose to mean?
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I'm just kidding with youuuuu. (:
It means,
Congrats on silver.
I suppose sarcasm gets lost through the internet. o.O -
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haha fo sho.
I figured you were anyway haha -
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Haha, good. (:
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II.
I'm starving for the truth you can't
give me and filling the empty spaces
in my mouth with the infidelities
that drip off your lips. Then I realized:
I wasn't hungry for what you could
give me, but what you couldn't.
I purposely put myself
in the way so I could become collateral
damage. But darling; I'm so lost
in the ether, you couldn't have
damaged a thing.
I liked those. I can tell by the way you write that you have more potential then this, like you didn't give it your everything. You're almost there. This is deffinately a step-up from the other dirty pretty I've read lately though. Thank you.
Kat
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baby, you're constantly improving and you really have no idea how proud i am of you. i love you so much and i hope you feel better. this makes me sad =(
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i love it. and i can relate. amazingly done.
"The water and the blood in
the sink wouldn't mix [like you and I]"
"I wasn't hungry for what you could
give me, but what you couldn't."
my favorite parts. ♥♥
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wow!
This was an amazing poem! the imagery here is simply stunning and the words you used complimented your feelings and emotions perfectly! I love this poem! it was so deep and painful and beautifully-written! an awesome work of art! keep penning kays! brilliant!
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This is gooddddd.
I love your metaphors, Darling.
Why are you so depressed though?! It makes me sad. D:
You seem so energetic and excited when you talk to me,
And silly and such, and then I read your poems
and they're all so depressing. D:
Stop being silly, and be happy. (:
Don't be sad and emo and disordered and stufff.
ily. <3 -
"The water and the blood in
the sick wouldn't mix [like you and I]"
I think it's suppose to be 'sink' honey-buns :]
Love love love this:
"II.
I'm starving for the truth you can't
give me and filling the empty spaces
in my mouth with the infidelities
that drip off your lips. Then I realized:
I wasn't hungry for what you could
give me, but what you couldn't."
Babe, I am sorry you have this in your life but it makes for a truly wonderful poem. Best of luck in the contest, doll!
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"I wasn't hungry for what you could
give me, but what you couldn't."
I like that! =D
It a really good poem.
I wish i could write like that but I can only find myself writing sad and painful poems....=/
But yours Are great. -
Wow
You put your heart into this and you fit the line in there easily. Very flowing. Good luck in the contest. Jane
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