A darkness crept across the sky
(and from the dark a blackness came)
The men paused in their work and stared
(and women stopped and did the same)
Both man and wife stood side by side,
their eyes raised to the heavens where
inky shadows filled the sky
(and children trembled in their fear)
The day had gone off someplace else
(Where to knew not a single soul)
The night had followed in its wake
(And turned the clear blue skies to coal)
Both sun and clouds were far from sight,
having vanished without a trace
of light to show where they had been
(and no moon even took their place)
The darkness filled the great expanse
(and filled it with surprising ease)
It moved with pace from East to West
(though there was not a single breeze)
Both trees and plants hung limp and still,
moving not before the night
which filled them all with dreadful awe
(for so appalling was the sight)
Now light appeared in the East
(thin bars of white against the black)
It sped across the darkened sky
(and now the day came running back)
The men gave cheers of heartfelt joy,
For they remembered not how frail
They had been at the great display
(which with time would be just a tale)
Author notes
This is a first draft, and not the sort of thing I'd normally do, but since I've done some 'observational story-writing' I thought I'd give it a go in poetry.
Any reccomendations to improve the flow in 'having vanished without a trace' would be much appreciated!
A contest entry
- I'm not good at much, but I'm great at listening. by Sin Aesthetic.
600 points, ended June 21, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ Word Prompt~ by Frozentearz.
525 points, ended September 16, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ CONTEST ROUND 1: PREWRITES ~ by PoetInEternalBloom.
1000 points, ends February 21, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Still pondering...so much to ponder within this write. I do love the rhyme and flow of it all though and was enthralled right til the end, but not sure where it was supposed to take the reader. I was thinking an ordinary eclipse, but then at the end it took a turn to I'm not sure where...
All in all, it was a great read and I indeed felt the blackness within. Thanks for entering and best wishes.
Frogz~ -
I think for me, I'm still not clear on where you were going with this, I felt the heat of the blackness creeping in, I felt that perhaps it was judgement day,
where the world went black and still, And as I got to the ending."They had been at the great display
(which with time would be just a tale)"
I was still left pondering what it all means.
One thing for sure
you left me wondering.
Thanks for joining in.
Warm thoughts.
Frozentearz
Adding your comment:
