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Don't Bother




I like to get drunk
on nights till morning
and feel the rush of cold heat
for I am rum and Guaro
on blue flames
and shaken
to hit my sore throat
and exercise my tolerance
till I drop dead or
burn for more
that when I wake up
I feel giddy with hangover
and rather than sober up
drown more vintage fantasies
into my tube
for that is all I have
taught my fingers to know
and search for
because everything else is
just too futile to bother about
because I am
just too unimportant.



A contest entry

Critiques appreciated!

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • HeartTangles
    October 18, 2008

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    We all drown ourselves from realities that we cannot accept, even drowing ourself. Some do it with work, which seems to be more acceptable and is not so bad on the body's health. Best to find another acitivity that can aid thinking not hinder it. A well expressed poem. Many teens would understand this even though none of them should be drinking. lol Keep up the good work and I'm hoping this is not a self diagnosis of your life but merely a reflection of others you have encountered. Best wishes to you.


    • between slices
      October 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      oh yes.. now i remember..
      there was a local man who came and drank to forget his sadness and laughed and clapped like nuts to lose himself in that documentary.. it was him that inspired the persona of this..

    • between slices
      October 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      naw! i don't drink at all, and i'm a girl writing this through a guy's mind..
      what made me write this was actually a documentary on Discovery Travel and Living about alcoholic drinks in Costa Rica.. I saw them flaming Guaro, a kind of alcoholic drink made with sugar cane that is pretty concentrated, and dancing to the beat of local music.. those visuals just struck me, and I poured this out in loose voice.. the way a drunkard can rant on..


      it's true.. working oneself is a better distraction than drowning oneself into alcohol..

      thanks loads for your views. I appreciate them! and i'm glad you enjoyed this.
      bless ya!


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    July 3, 2008

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    this is extremely sad. feeling this way is temporary and suicide is a final solution. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered and am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie

    • between slices
      July 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you.. i'm glad this piece brought out the intended feeling in you. it's quite a hopeless situation, yes, and i'm glad this speaks it out.
      your comment is much appreciated! thanks!!


  • Exodus gold member
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think you might have overused "for" a little bit. But other than that, and the lack of line breaks (which is a personal dislike of mine rather than a comment on this poem in specific), it was a well put together poem.

    Thank you

    • between slices
      July 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yes.. i see.. i guess with the way this was a run-on i missed out the excessive use of "for". thanks for pointing that out.
      as for line breaks, i do usually use them, but this one was deliberate.. i thought the run-on style would bring out the effect of alcohol better. just my perspective.
      anyway, thanks a lot! i appreciate your comment!


  • Abscessed
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i enjoyed the poem, the essence of it all. what i think you could improve on is the ending, it doesnt do justice to the content of the rest of the poem...i was hoping for a deeper impact.
    other than that, good effort and good luck in the contest.

    • between slices
      July 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ah.. thank you..
      i appreciate your PoV on this. i was stuck on the ending.. i had a few versions of it and i settled for this one after racking my brains a bit. but i still agree with you. it still seems.. i guess.. abrupt.
      i'll see what i can do.
      thank you!


  • Lady Michaella
    July 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice work


    This poem is gud, very sad. i can see how your feeling about this. im sorry for you. i like how you use technique to put ideas forward. good poem.
    I like to get drunk
    on nights till morning
    and feel the rush of cold heat
    for I am rum and Guaro
    on blue flames
    and shaken
    to hit my sore throat
    and exercise my tolerance
    till I drop dead or
    burn for more
    that when I wake up
    I feel giddy with hangover
    and rather than sober up
    drown more vintage fantasies
    into my tube
    for that is all I have
    taught my fingers to know
    and search for
    because everything else is
    just too futile to bother about
    because I am

    • between slices
      July 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks.. but this is not a personal write.. just a concept brought forth.
      and... you didn't have to paste the whole poem again.. lol..

      thanks anyway.

1 - 11 of 11