I am black and you are white
I love you with all my mind
I have dream to be with you
I have feelings that can only grow
We are black and white
A dream in stormy night
In my dream i cant feel everything
I oonly effort black and white dreaming
But i feel your satin very smooth
I only can see its color red all around
I touch you soft with passion
About you its only been my obsession
With red color of your satin making my life living in dream
I am the black chocolate always thinking of you the white cream
A contest entry
- Whatever you want to write by xXFreedom-of-LoveXx.
415 points, ended June 19, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please help me to turn to be a better writer
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This was a lovely piece written with exceptional emotion that flowed through every word. I love the picture you used to display your poem. My favourite line i think would have to be....
I am the black chocolate always thinking of you the white cream
You did a great job here. Congrats on the silver trophy.
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Very goood, I could feel the the flow of emotions, great. :3
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Wow this is great and not to mintion very sexy!
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wow,,,wow .. this one is ssoooooooooo.... good daa... grrrrrrreeat)) work.
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holy...
You made me want to c...
Umm I really really really, LOVED THIS HOT NUMBER♥
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This line needs something:"I have dream of be with you" Maybe 'I dream of being with you". and "I oonly effort black and white dreaming" should be ONLY. Other than this this is a really sweet and nicely written poem. I hope you will be together forever. Nice job
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aaww this was great i loved it!! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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I love the meaning of your last line which brings the messge in the forefront that you are verycreartive poet...
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this is a small but very strong meaningful poem
i like the meaning of the poem
though i am not sure whether i caught your meaning or got my own meaning
anyway you have done a great job
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Truly expressive and immensely detailed though you have well exceeded the word limit here, but thanks for sharing your thoughts... x
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Oh my mistake i didnt see the word limit..sorry
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Very nice poem...it sings of a yearning..and need. Very nice sharing of your feelings and emotions...I love the last line...divine!!!!
Blessed Be~
Az
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i feel more comments will make me feeling more better -
Aaaaaahhhhhh you mentioned chocolate, I loooooove chocolate
K, now I got that out of the system... is this the poem you were speaking of? The imagery in this is very vivid and easy to imagine, it does sound like a fantasy. I like some bits of this (well right now I'm obsessed with the chocolate, but seriously). I think you really have potential. One think that somewhat disrupts the flow here are a few language mistakes, which if you need and want, I could help you correct. Otherwise, this poem does have a certain feel to it... it's sweet, but not really, there's more. It shows passion, I think that's it. Oh, I also think the second half is more powerful than the first. Thank you for sharing, and if this is the one you were saying about, thanks for that too
~Diana
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Aww this was so deeply touching and beautiful. Lovely imagery expressed and emotions pouring from within.
Truly a masterpiece!
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