She always felt she was stopping him,
he always knew she was saving him.
All his maps and schemes
were designed to elude a saviour.
He wanted to tell her
of his weariness.
That he had been everywhere,
that there was no place
left for him to go.
That all the faces
he ever met
lead back to her.
How he had seen the broken hearted,
waving goodbye,
their brave faces
hiding rivers of tears.
Of a man growing smaller,
as his silhouette disappeared
at the end of the horizon.
How each day a stranger
became a friend
and then was forever gone.
The wild eyed wanderers
and their lonesome freedom,
moving further away,
from their broken hearts.
The men would gather
by the fire,
showing photographs
of loved ones.
Telling themselves
they can still go home,
by following the sorrow
that leads to the endless highway.
Now her head rests on him,
she holds him,
and she speaks to him,
even though
he has been gone
for so many years.
A contest entry
- Mosaic by Ms. Black Eyeliner.
700 points, ended September 18, 2008, 29 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel.. by perfectsunset.
625 points, ended May 17, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme,Lyrics, Prose, Dirty Pretty. by Antebellum.
800 points, ended September 24, 298 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 82 of 82
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"Telling themselves
they can still go home,
by following the sorrow
that leads to the endless highway."
I love this part.
wonderful story telling.
thanks for taking the time to enter.
good luck -
What a beautiful poem. The visison of hardship and love coming together, the emotion is raw and real. Amazingly done!
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I've read this before, I know I have. I didnt see a comment from me though, so it must have been.....anyway, what I wanted to say that I probably did but didnt see, is that this is so very beautiful, poignant, personally uplifting, even though there's nothing but sadness at the end. I find myself wanting to console this person. extend a hand and say, you know-life isnt always about those we've lost-but those we get that chance to be with, even if the meeting is brief and impersonal enough to not mean anything at the time. I really love the solemness of it, how it drips with humanity, with a person searching for that ONE person we think will complete us.
I loved it, thank you.
love always,
jin
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i love the story that you told here; very well written. beautiful.
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A very beautiful poem, though, not quite the level of depression that I was hoping for with the happy twist. However, it is a good poem. Thank you for entering.
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This reminds me of a poem I was read as a child. Thank you for entering, this was beautiful.
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Beautiful
I do believe the only thing that could possibly make your poetry more moving is reading it on a mountain. Liam, this made me cry. So amazing; this is truly beyond words, my friend. Wonderful write.
-Kelly
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chilling
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This poem...
Wow.
I cry out of joy.
TrueBlueWriter... -
all i can say is.....
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Wow this was so deeply
emotional and hearfelt.
Such powerful expressions
here..
A most beautiful piece,
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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This actually made my heart hurt and melt at the same time....
Stacy
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you really do have great word choice. it ads flavor, and a personality. Voice!
schemes, weariness... perhaps its also how ytou place the words, what you place them near. the frazes they creat. you really ar a fantastic poet.
ooh silhouette is one of my fav words -
Yes....
'tis quite a mosaic you put together here. This is worthy of that Silver & more. This is identifiable on many levels & all can find themselves in this piece in one way or another, an element that's so needed in a superb write ~ which this is! Woman do have hearts that can welcome lovers back after long journeys & give the comfort & assurance of love. Bravo for this laddie!
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AW this is soooo sweet! I especially liked "She always felt she was stopping him,
he always knew she was saving him." Its such a common thing for people to feel like this!
↨ Lillie ♥ -
A hint of Kerouac there maybe?
Loved the way it had a kind of narrative running through it, a good story that had me hooked from start to finish. A bit different than most of your other stuff, but still a tremendous success.
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I like all the description in this. As I read I couldnt help but describe this piece as somber. It is very well written I see why you got 2nd in that contest.
-deadly
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Wonderful
Wonderfully sad, I love the ending!
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Oh dear this is such a beautiful yet saddening poem. To watch the one you love go off and spend such a long time with out him or her would be a hard thing to do. Great writting. Keep up the great work dear...
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this starts off beautifully and ends that way too.
so much of this poem is so universally and indisputably true.
well done.
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Excellent and profound work here, and I think worthy of gold. Very smooth read that seems to deepen in depths as you read. I was immersed in the flow, and found it beautiful. Very well done.
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this is truly beautiful. i could visualize and feel the loneliness and longing in this write, although i must say, i envy the wondering man. i loved this line
Of a man growing smaller,
as his silhouette disappeared
at the end of the horizon.
but as a whole.... bravo
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Now you wanna turn me into a crybaby?
this was beautiful.you put me right there ,inside your head then onto your paper.i loved that. this is poetry at its best!!1 -
oh my
oh my god this is a really great poem interesting story behind it all of it was my fave sounds almost likea war poem depending how ya read it lovely keep writeing!
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this poem is so deep and so moving,
"each day a stranger became a friend
and then was forever gone"
this reminds me of the many people that have come and gone throughout my life moving around, some being special people who enter your life for a short time and leave an imprint, very touching x
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Wonderful work ,filled with such emotion.
Nice work, great write!
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How each day a stranger
became a friend
and then was forever gone.
(this stanza brought up some mixed feeling in me as I have moved and been dragged all over the country in my short life and all the faces just run together tell one becomes another and another...)
This is very poetic and you description of lonliness is breathtaking. I am in awe of your use of words and the overall format of this poem. A very powerful peice. Thank you for entering my contest. -
What an emotionally deep poem that I could really feel it, I loved the way you wrote this you put a lot of you into it loneliness was something I hated. I suffered a lot of broken hearts. Good luck in the contest.
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oh geez
that jsut reminded me ofsomething :S
i love the form you used in this, freestyle that actaully worked!
haha
what would you like to be in my family?
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damn, that one hit too close to home. a very moving write, thank you for resharing that one here. best of luck to ya.
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Yes, there is loneliness there and quite a full description of loneliness on both sides.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
I understand why you won silver on this.Your artistic beauty of writing about your feelings and imagry are great.when you are feeling pain your reader too feels your pain.A true poet shows all emotion and what they feel and live with every day in a way that others can understand and relate to.You are a great writer and I applaud the way that you can express yourself in a way as to be able to get your true emotions out.Thank you for the chance to get to read this.
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ok seriously, that first stanza...its going on my page. thats pure beauty in the form of words right there.
Mylee -
a powerful write full of emotion with great imagery.
I think this may be a typo however...The men would gather
by the the fire,
Nicely done!!
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How each day a stranger becomes a friend and then is forever gone, I really like that, iit is a very provocative line. You have a rare ability to be emotive without being emotional, this is a lovely poem, it has many layers like tissue paper on an expensive box of chocolates, and had me holding my breath as I peel each one away, thanks for sharing peace be with you littlefishone
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I think that ...
you shared some wonderful thoughts that echoed off a mirror of my imagination. I also thought that you didn't need any more comments as you had wayyyyyy to many already! Nicely done! j y
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Travels through emotions! Lovely sentiments. Wonderful!
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Congrats on a wonderful work...
Powerful emotions expressed with sadness and sweetness. A very nice piece....
Bravo.....
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Beautifully Penned
It brought tears to my lonesome eyes. Best of wishes in this contest. *lov* mandie -
congrats on the trophy...i felt pain dripping from those words...
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"How he had seen the broken hearted,
waving goodbye,
their brave faces
hiding rivers of tears." i love this line very well written
great job good luck in the contest
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My kind of poetry
Kerouack put me on the road long time ago, not his fault, I just knew what he was talking about that's all, kindred spirits y'know...I like your poem and I like your style how come there's so many peeps on this site I never heard of; the kind I been looking for? I was thinking of moving on, you just made me think twice... thanks for sharing mate
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Ooohhh...the romance in this one is not your usual fare...but it pleases me. I liked the clear storytelling in this piece, Lowell. It held emotional sway over me as i read along. The opening lines were very strong...a summary of many relationships I think...if only we could understand one another as effortlessly as we can love!
"She always felt she was stopping him,
he always knew she was saving him."
Your use of the word "felt" contrasted with "knew" was genius.
I am also a great fan of happy endings...so kudos there...it left me hopeful, believing that no matter how far I stray from those I love, their arms will open for me again one day...whether in this life or the next.
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very good. imagery was really good as well. this is really a good poem. and i really like the last stanza very well. keep up the good work
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wonderful story-lin my friend, always in forward motion this keeps the reader full of aweing imagery and sates his thirst upon the tale.
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Oh!!! I really like this one too! Very well done! I am rather partial to poems about lost loves, having lost one myself! Very lovely! Kudos! faith
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Very good
Telling themselves
they can still go home,
by following the sorrow
that leads to the endless highway.
This verse realu stuck out
like a summary of the words
I wish you well
Rick
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i like the write and it makes me happy to see that he comes back at the end
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I keep stumbling across your stuff in the shameless.
it shouldn't be there, it should be in the featured
Telling themselves
they can still go home,
by following the sorrow
that leads to the endless highway.
this was brilliantttt. -
Okay, you made me cry with this one. It reminded me of my widowed mom. I really enjoyed the way the story unfolded here. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Certainly creates a relationship between the characters from the off and this is so sad and a minor tragedy in itself. A searingly honest and even moving write, it's very poignant and almost elegaic. I did like this, very well crafted, great flow and structure throughout. Thanks for sharing and I hope you do well in your contests.
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i like wild eyed..have used that in a poem of mine before...makes me think of a soldier whos gone to war...don't know why just does
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How each day a stranger
became a friend
and then was forever gone.
such great emotions. thank you for entering my contest
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I enjoyed reading your poem... Occasionally folks will meet someone, even in passing and a sparks grows. The chemistry can be almost electrifying. There are many reason people move along, sometimes it's forced such as death, other times it's not -- family or a job. We are left with a the memory of that 'chemistry'. Your poem makes me think of those moments when people enter our lives and then move on.
The last lines I found was especially strong & profound:
" Now her head rests on him,
she holds him,
and she speaks to him,
even though
he has been gone
for so many years."
Thanks for entering the '5 options' contest--it was my pleasure reading your work. However, Option three isn't a title option but a word bank. I've read your piece several times looking for 6 of the words, but only found 1 highway. If you would be so kind as to put the words you used please do in your authors notes. If you like to choose a different option your welcome to do so as well. I will look back on this before the close of the contest.
Thanks, Best of luck to you,
Florida Sunshine
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This is really beautiful too... I loved it. I wanted to monstrously thank you for your wonderful comments on my poems *I'm beaming*. Thank you so very much, and I'm glad you like my work. I LOVE yours
JADE RAYNE* -
Indeed and heartfelt piece of the perspective of the wanderer and how he left everything even his broken heart behind..searching for a meaning for the treasure but then he realize that it;s there with him the whole time..his love...wonderfully written..thank you for entering my contest..and good luck
Keep penning!!!
Lieu
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Another great write. You have amazing word usage and your message is always clear. Thank you for sharing wit us. Pen on...
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this poem has such emotions intertwined in it and created such great emotion kept me hooked till the very end great job and good luck :]
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well well well
another one in the bag baby. this is just stellar poe. the way you crafted this is very professional. What can I say, your a pro.
High fives and clapy hands and a free ride in my spaceship. This time you wont have to shovel the dark matter. !
Creatress
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I'm quite overwhelmed, really. This has touched me in a way that I don't think I've ever been touched before. I was close to tears, but gripped until the end. And such an emotional end You painted pictures that were vivid and true-to-life, yet heartbreaking at the same time. It was the end that did it for me. Symbolic and enough to choke up anyone with half a heart.
Am I right in thinking it's inspired by the theme of war? Though it is written in such a way, it doesn't matter... the prospect is heart-wrenching enough. To some extent, we can all relate to it, and if not, it's a life lesson for us, and it's all down to your masterful words.
A spectacular piece, brother.
Jess
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beauty from pain
i love the images you've created in my mind
for some reason, the ending makes me think of a woman leaning on a gravestone, talking to air, as if it was her lost lover whispering words of comfort.
i love it.
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wonderful stuff, a masterpiece, thats all im saying !!!!1
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Oh My God!
This was the best I've ever read from you Lowell.
It is so beautiful in it's own depressing way, and I LOVE it.
Guilt is such a powerful emotion, or thought. It is almost a master, and the person holding the guilt a slave. That is what I got from the ending, and it is something that I'm thinking hard on.
Thank you for leaving me thinking Lowell
Brandon
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Profoundly sad
I think of bikers when I read this, and see them so often I think it's true. It's all about facing the past...not always an easy thing to do. Often it's because of something they cannot reconcile with, or something they've done and can't forgive themselves for and therefore think nobody can forgive them.
Truly profound relfection.
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It seems sad in a way, however the ending could be interpreted as being a happy one. I'd like to think of it as such anyway. You bring us full circle from start to finish. You have some very good lines throughout but for me the last verse is intriguing. Is he there physically, or is he only there in her mind? Either way it is a brilliant write.
Thanks for sharing your talent.
Bless you my poetic friend,
Ron
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Amazing
This really tugged at my heart, I was close to tears near the end. You have such a wonderful way with words, they almost seem to dance in my mind. I absolutely loved your poem! -
Such a sad story. Entertaining in the worst possible way. Why do I find such enjoyment out of other people's pain? Maybe it's because the writer is amazing? Who knows. All I know is that the poem was very touching, sad, beautiful, and absolutely astounding! Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes -
This piece was heart touching. It reminds me that we have many lifetimes and sometimes those souls eventually connect once again. I am sure you meant this in teh other way of someone going off but then coming back. but it could be taken the other way as well. thank you for sharing
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A dark and melancholy piece, to be sure. Fine images, and I find myself relating to this work very much, though for reasons all my own. "...designed to elude a saviour"--especially touching to me, as my dark existential night continues, and I find little meaning and no light. Is there a bright end somewhere ahead for all of us? I just don't know.
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Touching
Lowell my Irish love, you have astounded me again with such deep emotion and underlying meaning. thanks for sharing ~mandie~
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Very good..
I think this is a beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more.
Great poem...
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I really got into this poem!
I have a daughter who followed a fella like this,
thinking she was saving him....this really inspired
a lot of thought as to the plight she was facing!
well done, the imagery really speaks,
i didn't understand why the second the though..
otherwise, this is a really smartly written poem!
ears/Seattle
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deep
I especially liked the 7th stanza.
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Hi Lowell! Great work again on this! I thought you did an exceptional job on the way this poem was presented. THANKS for the work my friend!!
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oh my god. This is exceptional....i am sitting in kinkos, printing out my poems and tears filled my eyes. This is absolutely, beyond words....amazing. It touches me someplace naked...leaves me shaken...i'm filled with heartbreak and joy simultaneously.
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this is beautiful. truly beautiful. the flow is good. the imagry is good. the ending is so beautiful, I wanted to cry...
Now her head rests on him,
she holds him,
and speaks to him,
even though
he has been gone
for so many years.
Genius, sheer poetic genius.
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Poetic Master, this is a truely wonderful poem!! The wonders of your wording is so divine
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this is a ever so very wonderful poem, really cute to ... i lived the paragraph that said
The men would gather
by the the fire,
showing photographs
of loved ones.
it paints a great picture
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i love this. its sooo cute
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This is a really beautiful poem. Everything about it takes my breath away.
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What a touching poem, the imagery revealing the heartache, the uncertainties of life and relationships. And most of all, for me anyway, the awful feelings that keep us from sharing our hopes and dreams with the ones who care the most.
A poignant write.
Dee
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