She always felt she was stopping him,
he always knew she was saving him.
All his maps and schemes
were designed to elude a saviour.
He wanted to tell her
of his weariness.
That he had been everywhere,
that there was no place
left for him to go.
That all the faces
he ever met
lead back to her.
How he had seen the broken hearted,
waving goodbye,
their brave faces
hiding rivers of tears.
Of a man growing smaller,
as his silhouette disappeared
at the end of the horizon.
How each day a stranger
became a friend
and then was forever gone.
The wild eyed wanderers
and their lonesome freedom,
moving further away,
from their broken hearts.
The men would gather
by the fire,
showing photographs
of loved ones.
Telling themselves
they can still go home,
by following the sorrow
that leads to the endless highway.
Now her head rests on him,
she holds him,
and she speaks to him,
even though
he has been gone
for so many years.
A contest entry
- Mosaic by Ms. Black Eyeliner.
700 points, ended September 18, 2008, 29 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel.. by perfectsunset.
625 points, ended May 17, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1094 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow..this poem really moved me. I've read many poems on travelers but this is the one that rings true. I remember and miss people that I haven't seen in years, but as this expresses the sorrow of being on the move, it also, perhaps quite by accident, expresses the joy. As I miss those I have left behind, those who have left me behind, and those who I will never see again, I think of those who I have yet to meet, and places that I can still go.
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I see the emptiness of a broken mind here. Maybe that didn't hit me until the last two lines but I was leaning toward that throughout the read. Your words are, as always, very thoughtful and thought provoking. We all need someone to save us in some way. Lonliness, love, money, etc. I enjoyed this and may write a sort of reply to it later. I have bookmarked it.
ShaShay -
"Telling themselves
they can still go home,
by following the sorrow
that leads to the endless highway."
I love this part.
wonderful story telling.
thanks for taking the time to enter.
good luck -
What a beautiful poem. The visison of hardship and love coming together, the emotion is raw and real. Amazingly done!
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I've read this before, I know I have. I didnt see a comment from me though, so it must have been.....anyway, what I wanted to say that I probably did but didnt see, is that this is so very beautiful, poignant, personally uplifting, even though there's nothing but sadness at the end. I find myself wanting to console this person. extend a hand and say, you know-life isnt always about those we've lost-but those we get that chance to be with, even if the meeting is brief and impersonal enough to not mean anything at the time. I really love the solemness of it, how it drips with humanity, with a person searching for that ONE person we think will complete us.
I loved it, thank you.
love always,
jin
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i love the story that you told here; very well written. beautiful.
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A very beautiful poem, though, not quite the level of depression that I was hoping for with the happy twist. However, it is a good poem. Thank you for entering.
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This reminds me of a poem I was read as a child. Thank you for entering, this was beautiful.
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Beautiful
I do believe the only thing that could possibly make your poetry more moving is reading it on a mountain. Liam, this made me cry. So amazing; this is truly beyond words, my friend. Wonderful write.
-Kelly
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chilling
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This poem...
Wow.
I cry out of joy.
TrueBlueWriter... -
all i can say is.....
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Wow this was so deeply
emotional and hearfelt.
Such powerful expressions
here..
A most beautiful piece,
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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This actually made my heart hurt and melt at the same time....
Stacy
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you really do have great word choice. it ads flavor, and a personality. Voice!
schemes, weariness... perhaps its also how ytou place the words, what you place them near. the frazes they creat. you really ar a fantastic poet.
ooh silhouette is one of my fav words -
Yes....
'tis quite a mosaic you put together here. This is worthy of that Silver & more. This is identifiable on many levels & all can find themselves in this piece in one way or another, an element that's so needed in a superb write ~ which this is! Woman do have hearts that can welcome lovers back after long journeys & give the comfort & assurance of love. Bravo for this laddie!
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AW this is soooo sweet! I especially liked "She always felt she was stopping him,
he always knew she was saving him." Its such a common thing for people to feel like this!
↨ Lillie ♥ -
A hint of Kerouac there maybe?
Loved the way it had a kind of narrative running through it, a good story that had me hooked from start to finish. A bit different than most of your other stuff, but still a tremendous success.
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I like all the description in this. As I read I couldnt help but describe this piece as somber. It is very well written I see why you got 2nd in that contest.
-deadly
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Wonderful
Wonderfully sad, I love the ending!
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Oh dear this is such a beautiful yet saddening poem. To watch the one you love go off and spend such a long time with out him or her would be a hard thing to do. Great writting. Keep up the great work dear...
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this starts off beautifully and ends that way too.
so much of this poem is so universally and indisputably true.
well done.
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Excellent and profound work here, and I think worthy of gold. Very smooth read that seems to deepen in depths as you read. I was immersed in the flow, and found it beautiful. Very well done.
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this is truly beautiful. i could visualize and feel the loneliness and longing in this write, although i must say, i envy the wondering man. i loved this line
Of a man growing smaller,
as his silhouette disappeared
at the end of the horizon.
but as a whole.... bravo
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Now you wanna turn me into a crybaby?
this was beautiful.you put me right there ,inside your head then onto your paper.i loved that. this is poetry at its best!!1 -
oh my
oh my god this is a really great poem interesting story behind it all of it was my fave sounds almost likea war poem depending how ya read it lovely keep writeing!
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this poem is so deep and so moving,
"each day a stranger became a friend
and then was forever gone"
this reminds me of the many people that have come and gone throughout my life moving around, some being special people who enter your life for a short time and leave an imprint, very touching x
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Wonderful work ,filled with such emotion.
Nice work, great write!
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How each day a stranger
became a friend
and then was forever gone.
(this stanza brought up some mixed feeling in me as I have moved and been dragged all over the country in my short life and all the faces just run together tell one becomes another and another...)
This is very poetic and you description of lonliness is breathtaking. I am in awe of your use of words and the overall format of this poem. A very powerful peice. Thank you for entering my contest.
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