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[ Sometimes words can never say ]

Sometimes words can never say
What causes me to feel this way.
Nor can words often express,
The immeasurable bouts of loneliness.
They have no tongue, they can't explain,
In words, the content of my pain.
To put emotion on a page
Is a gift not yet at that stage
And so I tell my tale through sight,
To allow you glimpse eternal night
Within my eyes, there lies disguised,
The turmoil I keep on the inside.

Author notes

Depression happens upon me; whilst I understand that you may be a harsh judge, I would ask that you, if you dislike this, say so, but don't tear it to shreds; it came from the heart, with me struggling to word how I feel. I can't put it much plainer.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    October 10, 2008

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    this was a very great poem here and it had a twist of creation and i am glad it doesn't have a tongue it may run us out our damn mind surely right good luck in the contest


  • DeGraw
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Sigh!!!

    I can Identify.


  • Never Fall in Love
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh, I'm a harsh judge in terms of being picky for what I like. At times I can like a poem so much, but in my comments, I don't mention that and simply point out what I would like to see fixed in my opinion.

    As for your poem - I enjoyed the flow. I do feel that there needs to be more substance. You want to make it more plain - I suggest you go for more complex - showing imagery instead of telling. You're be a much better writer that way - and if at anytime you do not accept criticism, you'll not improve.


    • Symphony
      June 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Appreciated. I do accept criticism, by the way, on my 'regular' poems; but for the ones I write / wrote when in a bad way, I do not - because they're the ones that are me - and I don't change myself for strangers, so I woudln't change my works for strangers either - again, those that are apart of me

      I'll have a ponder on what you said though, thanks.

      • Never Fall in Love
        June 18, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        As you wish. There's always the alternative of keeping two different versions of the same poem. One to improve - one to keep everything personal.

1 - 5 of 5