Little lost sister with a forgotten identity.
Always striding with purpose,
Pressing her name-brand confidence into my face,
Rachel goes loudly, with too much personality, wherever the media directs.
Fear is the only thing I smell in her wake of trendy perfume.
Killed by expectations that I survived,
Justice escapes her difficult life and she suffers,
Even when I do my best to help her.
Beautiful, angry, and distant, she refuses to help herself,
Collapsing as her strength buckles under the pressure of her own perfection.
Author notes
L A P R F K J E B C
Those were my letters.
A contest entry
- I start it for you :) by peridotPixi.
440 points, ended June 19, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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i was drawn to this poem by the title... "little rachel" also means something to me, though something rather different then what you describe here.
which you do wonderfully, by the way. the description here is very strong and vivid. lines 3-5 and the last two lines were especially striking to me.
your care, concern, and love for her so evident, in the affection of the title and throughout the piece.
the order of "Little lost sister" was interesting to me because it wasn't what I would have expected.
i didn't understand what you meant by
"Justice escapes her difficult life"
and starting the sentence off with "Always" (line 2) sounded a bit abrupt and awkward in my ear
but otherwise excellent writing here, and that last line really lingers, a lot to reflect on... true of a lot of us sometimes, even those of us who don't fit this mold of "perfection," often have our own set of expectations and standards for ourselves we struggle under the weight of sometimes. i know i do.
great job. -
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Thank you for yet again another thorough and wonderful comment. : )
Just wanted to explain the "justice..." line.
My sister and I grew up in a bad way, certainly affected by my mother (whose personality I can imagine you gleaned from reading Mother of Mine). When I was in my junior year of high school, my mom kicked me out and my grandparents took me in, which relieved me of my responsibilities to my mother, as well as having to take care of my baby brother. Those responsibilities were then shifted to Rachel, who was unable to handle them. Moving in with my grandparents was my "justice", and she has had no respite from my mother's demands.
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Wow this poem is really deep i love the wonderful feelings you have put into this poem and i love how you have realated it so persoanlly its great, good luck and as always keep up the wonderful writing, ~Amy
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L A P R F K J E B C
Have fun
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