inside your eyes
i see a smile.
behind your ears,
some dirt.
take a quill; spell it out on your face
and if the ink don't drip,
smudge it.
it will turn to sweat,
then dr. pepper,
and hit your tongue with a
jangling sound.
like the keys to your honda,
tossed carelessly on a shelf
late one saturday night
(only because you weren't alone).
but smiles bring tears,
and dirt brings flowers,
and every tongue grows parched with time.
keys will rust,
and lust will fade,
and all that stays is verse and rhyme.
Author notes
AiM I Am
im not really sure what the inspiration for this was... i havent written anything in a while and this came to me from somewhere. i think it's been building up, waiting to come out over time.
A contest entry
- Almost Anything Goes by righteousme.
900 points, ended June 29, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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"take a quill; spell it out on your face
and if the ink don't drip,
smudge it." - amazing lines, love it!
This is a truly fantastic write! I just keep reading it over and over again, it really holds your attention and its tone is great! Terrific job!
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once again thank you for your time and talent... this piece hit home... your words were shared...
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and what remains is something that you've managed to let us all be awed with. Fab write... excellent images crafted within every line.
blessed be
-Blanche
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This was really cool! I love the description and everything! Great write with lovely imagery.
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Wow this was so cool! it had such a fresh and unexpected perspective! i absolutely loved it you should write more often!
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I really don't know what to say in response to this poem except that it's great. It makes me mixed with so many emotions. Amazing.
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so glad you divulged it in my contest... great piece... thank you so much for your time and talent...
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Nicely penned! I like the descriptive words enumerating their purpose and all
My favorite ones would be the quill and Dr. Pepper since they pretty much struck me in a way to think; good write, all in all ^^
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hmmm... thought provoking... i happen to own a honda, lol... i liked it. original, creative...
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This was a very good write I really enjoyed it. *smiles* The imagery was a delight to see. I really love the part about it
"stays in verse and rhyme" -
Awesome! Original! Great flow!
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wow!!!!!! good luck in the contest!!!!!! woo!! that is great!!!! its like it is written write out of a book!!! litterly!!! lol. very good historic veiw about the impact of words. and i love the title. this is very tru tho!! words do have a big impact!! great flow and geat poem!! good luck in the contest!! and there is no need to rephrase or anything! its great!
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I must say, my mental image of sweat turning literally into a delicious but sticky beverage as it rolled down someone's face was amusing, though certainly not the ideal one.
In any case, the words you used are bit less than common, and I always appreciate the usage of good language as long as it is not too construed. This is not.
Similarly, I also liked your usage of "rebringing" the points back up in the end, helping to both reiterate the point and bring the poem to a good close.
And should there be a deeper feeling beyong this poem, an inspiration slightly tainted, then I wish it takes the rightful path.
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