Shadows disappear as the clouds
come rolling in
House becomes dark within
making all lazy
Then the first raindrop
is heard
Beating on the window sills
pounding on the streets
Fresh smell of wet rain
runs through your mind
Life seems to go slower
only for a little while
Thunder then lightening
strike across the sky
Pouring down rain now
wind blowing all away
As the flowers dance with
the tree's waving
The heavens have cleansed
the world once more...
A contest entry
- Monsoon rushes by crimsondew.
2000 points, ended June 23, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This flows just really well..you have managed to describe the moment of rain beginning and continuing excellently..took me away to a rainy day with this....
Thank you for entering my contest
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Chills
Very rarely do I come across a poem which, in so few lines, manages to describe something in such vivid detail, drawing upon the memories and feelings of the reader to create a real picture. Bravo!
The only thing, and I mean the ONLY thing, that needs to be changed in this poem is the spelling on a couple of words: "window SILLS", "A LITTLE while", "LIGHTNING."
The rhythm, in my humble opinion, is fine... after all, it is free-flow... it is as though we are spending a moment in the mind of the author as envisioned through the lens of our own experiences. And, while I'm sure most people would wish that their minds were entirely organized, no one can really boast this about themselves. The mind, by its very nature, is fickle and jumps from thing to thing, and this poem conveyed this very simply and very well.
Great poem! Keep writing!
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Thank you for your comment on my poem, "The Smell Of Rain," I am glad that you enjoyed it.
I went back and did spell check on the words that you suggested to change. Only sills and a little came up..lightening was correct. That is if the spell check here is good! Thanks again
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