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Screams of Silence

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I smile on the outside, happy and carefree

but inside I scream for the me I use to be.

Terror that you will find out my pain

my tears inside fall like rain.

Simple screams of silence deep inside,

why do I have to take this ride?

You hear not a word from deep within

on the outside all  you see is a silly grin.

Smile through the pain they say,

if only they could see that I am the way.

Deep within this broken heart you see

is what is left of me.

I wish you could hear these silent screams

they haunt me, they haunt my dreams.

Please help me to break from this mold

before I die, as I was once told.

Alone, bitter and so afraid, this is the tale

that he made of me in this place that is so stale.

Help me from this prison within the silence so cold

deep within the screams that once more told.

Take me to that home in the sky, take me 

to the place where there are no lies for to see.

I want this silence to be broken at last,

why can't it go away so fast.

This world sees the happy girl without

an they wonder if she has a doubt.

Series of events would wander through

what in the world am I to do.

With the silence that I carry with in

should I give up or just begin.

Tell me now, tell me true, 

would this effect you?

Tell them now that I wish for 

the final good bye a place within is tore.

I do not go to that final rest

I will stay and do my best.

To still these silent screams,

to take the laughter and make it beam.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Screams of silence  it is the Title Prompt that I chose

 

 

 

I don't like it but maybe you will.  I don't think it is my best work or even close.  Thank you for reading it in advance 

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • jasminerose
    July 6, 2008

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    The struggle we have of people not really seeing or hearing the real truth of essence is something we all can relate to on some level in our lives. Silently we try to smile through the darkness seeking only to feel the light and hoping that the light will sooner or later find us!
    Wonderful imagery and a very well expressed poem of feelings that linger within.
    Thank you so very much for entering my contest!!


  • pine-needles
    June 21, 2008

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    i almost stopped reading after the first line, because i can't count the times i've come across a poem beginning pretty much word for word
    "I smile on the outside, happy and carefree"

    thankfully, i made it to the second line. "scream for the me i use to be." here's another layer, digs a little deeper, this sense of having lost something central of who you are, used to be, some aspect of you that you was so important to how you viewed yourself... i can definetly relate to this nagging sense of worry and loss, as i think a lot of people can. feeling like a shadow of the former self, "what is left of me" threadbare.

    i also found intriguing and insightful the ambiguity between the "Terror that you will find out my pain" and yet at the same time "I want this silence to be broken at last," wanting to be able to let down the cheerful facade and not have to hide the pain.

    i think sometimes we really cause ourselves to suffer unneccessarily by forcing ourselves to "smile through the pain," through gritted teeth. leaving ourselves feeling isolated and trapped in our pain, as you describe clearly in this poem, and denying those who love us the ability to share our hurt and help us carry it. i think this is something we've all find ourselves stuck in to some extent, and i like how this poem grapples back and forth with this.

    the ending was also interesting, and a fresh and refreshing, way to close.
    "I will stay and do my best.
    To still these silent screams..."

    i would love to see you delve more into these aspects touched upon in the poem, particularly the first. to move away some from the general statements sweeping across a range of internal struggles and sources of pain and focus more on just one or a few. what has been lost of the "me i used to be," what has changed, what is left?

    i'd also look carefully at the words and phrasing used in order to avoid overused phrases like the first line and
    "Please help me to break from this mold"
    "prison within the silence"
    "tears inside fall like rain"
    for instance.

    also be wary of awkward phrasing and rhythm and lines that don't seem to say a whole lot or even make a whole lot of sense, particularly in order to rhyme, such as
    "why do I have to take this ride?"
    "if only they could see that I am the way."
    "that he made of me in this place that is so stale"
    "why can't it go away so fast."
    "to the place where there are no lies for to see."
    "deep within the screams that once more told."
    "to take the laughter and make it beam."

    a few spelling/grammar nitpicks:
    "would this effect you" - did you mean "affect?"
    "an they wonder if she has a doubt." - "and they wonder..."
    "With the silence that I carry with in" - "carry within"
    "a place within is tore" - "is torn"
    you might want to give the punctuation another look as well. please ask me if you would like more specific suggestions on this, but i figure this comment has rattled on for long enough as it is.

    really though, i think this poem as some great insight and some fresh ways to approach familiar struggles... nicely done.


  • Lucian Valcor
    June 18, 2008

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    besides a few gramer errors the poem seemed to dragged on if you would have came to a closing a little sooner it would have made the poen you can explane a situation or just over exaggerate a situation


  • Christina-is-crazy
    June 18, 2008

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    Thsi is a really great poem, keep up the good woek, and thank you so much for entering my contest, ♥ Christina


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    June 18, 2008

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    wow hun this is a beautifully written poem,
    i can relate to this alot,
    i love this poem by you i really do,
    all my love,
    kitty xxx


  • Florida Sunshine
    June 17, 2008

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    This brought a tear to my eye. There are so many people who are out there who don't show what they feel inside.

    I've seen those who crumple inside, but on the outside you wouldn't have a clue. Sometimes even I do that. My first poem "Lost" is about that. How the world has blinders on... often I think they could see.

    Funny, I've never lied to anyone -- except when I was a kid of course. If they would ask...and mean it... I'd probably tell them the truth. Luckily... or maybe unluckily no one ever asks. They just see what they want to see.

    I liked your poem. I'm sorry you scream inside. I hope you find a way through that pain and exchange it for 'love.'

    Always live life for today... and worry about tomorrow.. tomorrow.

    Nice job! Good luck in the contest ~ this rocks...


  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    June 17, 2008

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    Even in the eternal night of the soul, having the strength to continue and seek out the light shining within shows true power.
    Very well done.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    June 17, 2008

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    It is the Screaming agony of

    bold Innervoice piercing to come through!
    YOu heard and revealed it well!
    That vital piece of us....that keeps us REACHING!
    Powerful write, you attacked it well in each line
    and verse.
    It is important our keyboard know...who is master!
    ears/Seattle well done! well done!


  • LivinitupCutie
    June 17, 2008

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    I'm usually not a big fan on rhyming but some makes me think otherwise and this is one of them Such a sad poem that screaming out for help..Being happy just to cover up the pain that's underneath..that hides from the world to see..Many others and I myself can really relate to such..each one of us always have a past that we don't want to talk about..all we can do is just smile while everything comes crashing down inside

    Amazing write!keep on writing!
    Lieu

1 - 9 of 9