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scattered



Lost time
sands flown by winds
scattered places unknown
forgotten dreams, youth and green trees
gone gray

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Papillon1
    June 20

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    Our dreams do not fade, but our lives do, we are all going to grow old, it will be up to us whether or not we accept the death of our dreams


  • Malabu
    June 19

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    who could not understand the journey of the life line to all natures turns...and though the leaves gray...its roots remain firmly in the heart of the soil that bore its youth...love the cinquain...
    Mal


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    June 17

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    Well done! This is beautifully done, but so melancholic. Definitely gray. And the title is so apt, for it can apply to so many elements of the piece, the time, the sands, the dreams, youth, the trees-all are different from what they once were. On a bit more philosophic level, scattered is not the same as GONE. Changed form and perspective is not the same as negation. I find some hope in that, at least.

    Quite thought-provoking.


  • Gaze silver member
    June 17

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    The image of dreams gone gray is quite sad.
    Even though this has a not so happy feel, it still reads very well, and can be understood by many, for it is about something we all go through in life.
    Well done with this cinquain!


  • secberm
    June 17

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    Well done... Sorta reminds me of the promise made and kids migrated to distant lands. More of an "empty nest" kinda thing. That's how I's gonna look at it. Yepper. A life lived. Write on poet. One.

    Dez


  • Rowan gold member
    June 17
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    sad, but profound little write. I loved this.


  • Yemassee silver member
    June 17

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    You can't possibly know how this hits home and how it seems almost like a haunting after the dream I awoke from not long ago, but it fits, almost like a voice-over.

    Beyond that, it's also an accurate reflection of my life, many lives probably, aspects anyway. Except for the forgotten dreams, it fits me well, the darned dreams, I can't forget them no matter how hard I try, ILOL (Ironic laugh out loud---I just made that up)

    Title seems about perfect to me.

    I keep a small garden somewhere in the back of this otherwise vacuous brain. A lush green, hope and faith never completely die.


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    June 17

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    Striking comparison--
    "youth and green trees
    gone gray"--
    amazing visuals in this concept.

    Excellent!

    Aesthete

1 - 8 of 8