My heart is a kingdom, without a head, a face or a crown;
in this void of loneliness, I'm drowning in despair.
Must it be gravity that's pulling me from up to down,
Thinking of you, my soul crumbles with emotions I cannot bear.
I was so lost in the blindness of yesterday,
And un-exchanged confusedness of my past mistakes;
I spent a lifetime searching for the sun--
when all I needed was a ray.
One day, traveling in empty space;
Fate took me half way and sent me your way
I was so amazed, life glittered upon my face.
Right there, I knew you were my soul solace
I was so sure you'd always be here to stay
I stopped praising your worth, and let love escape
So much for the ble-ss--ings I took for granted...
Your share of disappointments have made your heart cold and bitter,
You’re calling me unfair; you won't even try walking in my shoes...
When patience was a virtue and love a pursuit, you were my only care;
When your soul had no lyrics, your heart had no rhythm,
I saw through your hurts, and when you were blue, you had my shoulder.
Then there was music, I was the lyrics, and you were the voice...
When to love was to unite and not a self-sacrifice, we took course.
And now.., reminiscing on old times, sadness burns up my smiles.
How do I bring love back to a heart that no longer has a life-
When I can't even rid myself from the demons that have us torn...?
After everything; I can't ask you to forgive and forget
Nor can I ever dilute your pain and heal your scar,
But with the bitterness of life I must live to accept;
Not all love holds the story of a lifetime...
P.s You're cordially missed.
Author notes
1. Losing you and trying not to
A contest entry
- Anything! by Lady Michaella.
600 points, ended July 13, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Does Love Exist Anymore??? by Lyrical Rain.
600 points, ended July 20, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's All About Love. by Poetryintheblood.
615 points, ended August 4, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Can't Think Straight Without You. by Poetryintheblood.
525 points, ended August 9, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - We're All About The Love... by hey charlie.
700 points, ended August 22, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites [Love Poems] Enter now! by perfectsunset.
475 points, ended August 17, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Break my heart and make me cry by God is my reality.
900 points, ended August 11, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Extravaganza by piccola.
1000 points, ended August 17, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Such a Painful Love by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended September 27, 2008, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Apologies by catalyst..
450 points, ended October 6, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 98 of 98
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just divine and so genuinly divine again
Cannot say anything as everything is so wonderful, emotions, flow, beauty even in the pain.........
simply magnificent
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Thank you for your heartfelt entry, i felt so much I can relate to in reading you, good luck in my contest, Josie
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awh this is lovely
I hope you find her again, for I understand the pain of losing someone you love....
Bravo
and good luck -
I wish the woman in this poem could see for you how incredibly lucky she is to be loved so much,. Love like this doesn't last for a day it lasts for a lifetime. The interworkings of your soul are poured out in this poem.
Whatever happened if it cannot be mended then grasp the memories. I know I should be commenting on the poem and I am not just what I think. Part of your poem is incorrect. Love shouldn't have to be praised all the time. Yes people throw compliments. There are ups and downs. And it shows how strong or weak the love is if you can get through the downs. Because after you travel the downs together as one then your love ever grows stronger you bond ever that much closer together. I do hope that you find the true woman of your dreams because you deserve to you really do.... what is love? Well first and foremost God is love.
Its not a sin to love someone is it?
Very well penned.
I loved the ending "Not all love has a story of a lifetime"
this is incredibly true. Sometimes people or love are in our lives for reasons. Sometimes the reasons are harsh sometimes not but there is always a purpose.
I know this is a long comment but it just needs all to be said.
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Very touching love the imagery you show powerful starting line and last line sums it all up thank you for entering
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i like this poem. well done. good luck.
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I really liked this ending, and overall thought this was a pretty great write.
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My Fave Lines::
"And now.., reminiscing on old times, sadness burns up my smiles.
How do I bring love back to a heart that no longer has a life-"
This is beautiful. You did a wonderful job with this. thanks for entering and good luck.
[[♥]] -
Very well done, I loved the fact that you took a pre-written poem and found something that it related to.
I loved it.
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This poem kept me reading, good job.
Good luck as well! -
I agree that crazymomma is a wonderful lady! Good write
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And now.., reminiscing on old times, sadness burns up my smiles.
How do I bring love back to a heart that no longer has a life-
When I can't even rid myself from the demons that have us torn...?
After everything; I can't ask you to forgive and forget
Nor can I ever dilute your pain and heal your scar,
But with the bitterness of life I must live to accept;
Not all love holds the story of a lifetime...
P.s You're cordially missed.
Wow! What a nice way to conclude such an in depth piece. Great job and good luck!
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Aww this was deeply beautiful.
Loved the style of your writing.
Excellent write filled with emotions!
thanks for sharing -
You Write With Experience.
Your share of disappointments have made your heart cold and bitter,
You’re calling me unfair; you won't even try walking in my shoes...
When patience was a virtue and love a pursuit, you were my only care;
When your soul had no lyrics, your heart had no rhythm,
I saw through your hurts, and when you were blue, you had my shoulder.
Then there was music, I was the lyrics, and you were the voice...
When to love was to unite and not a self-sacrifice, we took course.
You really are a talented man. You write beyond your years, kind of like me. And that does take alot of talent! Great job and good luck!
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This is really good. U are super talented. Great job and good luck in my contest. It was a pleasure to read this.
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This really drew me in. You either put a lot of thought into each line or are just crazy talented. Or both.
I'm sure you get a lot of hate-messages for being so awesome. Thanks for entering and rocking my contest
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and once again...
I've read all the entries in this contest...
you've won in my eyes.
lol and I even entered this one...
=] -
"in this void of loneliness, I'm drowning in despair.
Must it be gravity that's pulling me from up to down,
Thinking of you, my soul crumbles with emotions I cannot bear."
aw, hunny... I feel the pain here..
Remembering it all too well...this is thick stuff..
it's raw and real..
and appreciated -
Love is strange... How do you know when it's real...
when your at your weakest...
It's what love does...dulls you down and makes you vulnerable and swishy... This poem reminds me of the loves I've loved..but never really loved... and the love I have now...and if it's right or not...
Love blinds us all and really...how do you know when your blindly walking into heart break?
I tend to go off on rants during comments...
But it's what this poem did to me.
It forced questions I'd been asking myself to surface. Im still puzzled...
how do you know...when love is real -
Thank you for your beautiful submittal, good luck in my contest, Josie
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Thank you for your beautifully spoken entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
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Beautiful
Beautiful. I felt every word. Thank you for entering.
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this is very sad but so sweet to thanks for entering
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I really enjoyed the music metaphore you used in this poem. It was sad and sweet at the same time. Nice imagery as well. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Lovely, so very pensive and rich, I loved the whole thing and especially these lines for some reason,
"One day, traveling in empty space;
Fate took me and sent me your way
I was so amazed, life glittered upon my face."
All the best,
mj.
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So many can relate to this. To have loved and lost. It is very touching. Thank you for the entry
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I really loved this poem. I liked how you put in a few comparisons. Some spelling errors, but not too bad. Line 11 "choice" and line 20 "confusedness in not a word. Maybe just use confusion or don't change it. I don't know. Anyways thank you for entering my contest
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Awe, A very lovely poem indeed.
I think you may have touched alot people
with this one.
great job.
-Mandi
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I think anyone who's ever loved and lost can relate to your words here... I know I did. There's nothing like every breath reminding you of someone whose hand you'll never hold; It's a horrid feeling, but a place we've all been to. Well done, and good luck.
Laura x
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Thank you for your entry in our contest with this interesting poem, but we feel the rhyme scheme is too erratic and doesn't have a smooth flow to it.
Please join us in future contests...Sue and Jeff -
i do feel where you are going with this and i understand fully what it is like but i want to be uplifted best of luck to you in the contest
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Oh this was beautiful. I dont think i ever took him for granted though. But this poem has touched me more than some of the others because of its true poetic form and the beauty of. "When all I needed was a ray," this is so me. I loved it not only because of its beauty but because it almost tells my life story. I have been looking for love all of my life and finally there it was in front of my face. And yet i was too hurt by other people to even accept it
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I absolutely love this. It is very sweet, and the ending is so poignant. The last main stanza is really fantastic; I love the lines "I spent a lifetime searching for the sun-- / when all I needed was a ray." You have penned a truly amazing poem and I very much enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering my contest!
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nice write but very long
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WOW! Great poem!!
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:)
thats the sweetest thing..
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I agree with your poems theme, love is nothing if you are not interested,it takes 2 to be a true couple, love is what really makes a couple, be who their hearts beat as one, thank you for this entry..
Lin
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WOW!
I love the P.s at the end. That was an amazing ending. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
Beautiful!
I really liked this. It was well done, and showed a lot! Thanks for entering -good luck! -
This definately tugs at the heart... I can feel you care for this pderson greatly but sad as it is, things don't always work...
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wow, this is really full of emotion,
"when your soul had no lyrics, your heart had no rhythm"
that was my favorite line!!
thank you for your entry -
there is a lot of emotion spilt here...
...this is a very revealing poem as you open your heart to a great love and disappointment at the same time. It seems a common paradox, which you speak of well.
I like the line: 'I was the lyrics and you were the voice.'
Very poignant and expressive.
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How incredibly true is the last line, unfortunatly!
when your soul had no lyrics, your heart had no rhythm,
I saw through your hurts
god i totaly understand that part, it amkes me really get the point of the poem.
Life just sucks some times...lo -
This was long...But I liked it
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wow!
Mack this is absolutley an amazing poem! It comes from deep within your heart you express your feelings so well. Great write don't ever stop writing.
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Awesome
powerful poem. full of emotion and wisdom. this write really drew me in and held on, drawing an image for every stanza. i love it.
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Thank you very much for your entry. I really agree that it suits well to the lyrics you chose. Thanks again,
Sammie xx -
This is really good!
The last 2 lines are really weak, but overall this is a really good poem.
I read it a second time, leaving out the last 2 lines, and it's absolutely beautiful.
I'd end it after "...dilute your pain and heal your scar..."
Very good write!
Thanks for entering my contest!
Good luck!
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nice write, good luck
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your heart for this woman is amazing. in almost three years or so i have never ceased to be astounded by the emotion you put into your writes. everyone would be so blessed if only this type of love was bestowed upon them and returned once in a lifetime. that would be divine perfection. thank you for sharing this with me today and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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"After everything; I can't ask you to forgive and forget
nor can I ever dilute your pain and heal your scar," these lines are my favourite out of the whole piece i can really feel the emotion it. Its an excellent written piece keep up the great work and thanks for entering
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this was very very sweet! I'd melt lol! * rose*
Peace and Love
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This is a very well written poem. I really enjoyed reading it. It is full of imagery and emotions. I think you should at least place in the contest. Good luck
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A lesson learned, a plea, a cry from the heart, so very honest and strong. Well written, lovely rhyme and meter.
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Thanks for entering my contest, i really like this poem. Keep up the good work, and thanks for entering my contest.
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well said
been there. life teaches a tough lesson. you pick up the pieces and move on. very emotional and heartfelt. some wisdom intertwined in these lines. thanks for sharing.
~marcus
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very good writing great job
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Yeah nothing can be changed once it is done.......Your poem in very loud and expressions are impressive.
Thanks for sharing the thought .
Love - Susan -
A very sad and touching poem and if this is personal, it sounds like you could do with a hug
All the best in the future...Sue
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Interesting choice of rhyming scheme. Tender poem which shows considerable potential in the poet. Thanks for sharing this.
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your poem made me cry. this is what i seem to be going thru with my recently ex-boyfriend. good write
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Pleasant flow, but ends rough
I'm with solaris regarding the somewhat awkward rhyming. But I like the metaphors used here; they never trip on awkward detail and flow nicely. I'm a bit put-off by the repeating lines, although they are in a different order. I think a different line could have been a better finish, as it was a touch distracting to see those lines in a new order. Although I may be missing it, I can't see any significance to reorganizing the lines. Overall it's a pleasant read to take in, but not the awkward-feeling final stanza.
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This is quite a classic work...I like your use of analogy and all the ways you explore your feelings with the phrase "My heart is a kingodom without a head, a face or a crown" . You draw us into the theme and keep one captivated throughout...Bravo!
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I like your poems, they are really great, keep up the good work and i think you could get even better :], i look forward to reasing more of your poems.
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Such an amazing piece. You describe your feelings beautifully. I think that it a true work of art, and the plain but interesting background really sets of the piece's sophistication.
Well Done !
Beautifully captured !
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wow this is most likely one of the greatest writes that i have ever read... keep up the good work!
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Very good job conveying your emotion, and I like the repetition of lines in the last stanza. However, and this is just me being picky I think, I feel like the rhyme restricts the potential of this piece. In some places (like the third stanza), it seems forced. Either that, or the rhythm is off. Although in my mind, consistent rhyme should always be accompanied by consistent rhythm, but again that is my own opinion. Either way, this is a skillfully crafted poem you've written. It is certainly hard to accept that "things may never be alright", and I've been in that situation far too many times. Good write. Keep it up. : )
- Solaris -
The title drew me to read this work..
this is filled with strong emotionsss.. a very powerful poem..
and i REALLY love the last line, "Thinking of you, my soul crumbles with emotions I cannot bear."
I'm sure everyone can relate to that at some point or another.
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this is very lovely words. It's been a while since Ive read your work, and I must say that truly your passion has been missed and I am more than happy to have had the opportunity in visiting today.
Wonderful words.
-ephiphany
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Fricking awesome.
Ohmigod.
"my heart is a kingdom, without a head, a face or a crown."
Most beautiful thing I've ever heardread.
You get an A+ for conveying your emotion, too,
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Its very emotional. Yet it shows how loosing love effects, great poem...
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Powerful sadness
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a good poem though i can not help notice, and forgive me for being picky please that you half and half use punctuation. some lines have a period-full stop and then others have semi-colons and commas yet other lines you ignore the commas etc. my point being, why half and half use them? it would look good either not using them or using them fully, but in between just looks odd to me. maybe too, while i am in a critical mood, for i am not always, normally i just leave light comments, perhaps think on line length with presentation, keep to a beat. it is good being full with words, i like that, though many think the less is more is better, i prefer what you have here with words pushing the boat.
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This is very powerful and full of emotion and it touches the readers heartstrings and it has a good flow but I like how it comes from within,truely a masterpiece indeed,Hazel
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I could feel the pain and loss in this, easy to relate
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interesting.
The way in which you have described the ending of your relationship is very interesting. For someone to take the blame and not blame thier partner is very telling of the character the person who has written this. It is well written very emotional and heart-rending. I think that this comes from the heart and hope that things go better for you in the future.
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The fifth stanza seems to slip out of the pattern of the rest of the write. It's the only thing I would want to change.
I like some of your metaphors-"My heart is a kingdom, without a head, a face or a crown"
I'm sure this is something many can unfortunately relate to. I know I do.
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" After everything; I can't ask you to forgive and forget
nor can I ever dilute your pain and heal your scar;
but with the bitterness of life I must live to accept,
that things may never be alright even if I give you my star
words coming strait from the heart, this peice is absolutly beautiful. It had such a wonderful flow to it. A bit leanghthy but good, very good. So much talent and passion went into this work of art I can tell. I realy enjoyed reading this if you couldn't already tell. Nice write, keep the pen flowing
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Very good write here
I wish people would look about them and see the love they so cherrish and in doing so imagine a day or a lifetime without it . Is that argument so important that you would chance losing the one you love .Is that other person outside of the home if their were only her would she in time lift you up I have found in life all people are the same in their actions only a few thinks before they act and weighes what they are about to do
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This one is so filled with real anguish and emptiness. I can relate. You make a strong plea. I hope whoever she is, she reads it and remembers, perhaps rethinks and returns.
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Sometimes you rhyme hen sometimes you didn't
but I love these lines
If you're looking for a sweet revenge, honey, no need to,
I'm a prisoner without a verdict--who's lost his right of virtues.
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It kept me completely hooked the whole wthrough and I'm tempted to read it again. There was great imagary in it and it was very flowing.
lovely.
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There are so few poems of forgiveness that I come across and this one is absolutely beautiful and heartfelt. Whoever you wrote this for must really feel your pain and even if they can't forgive you, the sincerity and emotion definitely came across. You did your hardest. Great job! I love it!
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes -
Oh this was so deeply powerful and emotionally engaging. Heartfelt & beautifully expressed.
Lovely write & treasure to read.
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
heartfelt and well spoken. A sadness that many can relate to, no doubt. Nice job.
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W O W
i have absolutely no idea to whom this is written but i can certainly say that i believe someone is astounded with the sincerity in this write and that you have touched their heart, even if they are unable to offer the forgiveness you are asking, i am certain that the one this is intended for has felt the emotion in your words and is wondering if you could really be sincere. thank you for sharing this with me, now i must go find the kleenex after bookmarking this to read again when my eyes are drier and my heart is not in such awe. great write. viyanna rosemarie
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wow that was really really good ......im speechless!
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brill
kool write... keep up the good work
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Auwww...how do you bring back the love that walked out of your home?
One of my AP friend says that where there is love there is hope..
I think you can make this as a music lyric also
Thanks for sharing
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a sadness that shows a tear in the work.. i really like this it seemed to me like real emotion came pouring out.. good job
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touching
I felt your sadness throughout this write. Very well done.
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I think this is a sad, but still interesting poem. I don't know that much about analysing poetry, to please keep in mind that all I say is just my opinion and not necessarily right. I think the rhymes were a bit forced. Some worked, others not, especially the second line of the first stanza. But finding something to rhyme with down is pretty hard. I liked the emotional content, but not the words you used...I think that some of the metaphors were a bit stereotypical and pulled away from the emotional content that you've so clearly put into this poem. But apart from that, I rather enjoyed this poem and I am looking forward to see more from you, Mackie (Mentally notes the name down so she can find your page...mohahahah!)
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this is nice, and a little sad, i enjoyed this you write well, keep it up
John
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I thought that the first few lines were good but made the reader expect something different than what you went on to give which was a nice, surprising twist!
Well done.
x
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Bravo! I must say that this was very unique
and surprisingly wonderful!!
You expressed so much here in your words
and the imagery was just so vivid and heartfelt..
You really brought the reader into this write and
we experienced your emotions.. The flow was really smooth and again the imagery was wonderfully vivid..
Thank you very much for sharing this..
I greatly enjoyed reading this..
Angel
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wow this is so so beautiful, this bought tear to my eye,
the emotions you expressed are just WOW, never stop writing, for you are amazing,
all my love,
kitty xxx -
This could be a song, with the first and last stanzas being the refrain. Nice work!
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Well Done
A rather unique write to which I can relate. Very good imagery, indeed. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
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