First you push the "On" button,
do you know where that is?
Watch as all the pretty lights, light up,
the flickers on your screen.
Finally, your mouse pointer will move,
the white arrow that is seen.
Point your pointer to the start button,
on the very bottom left, left click on it once.
I'm trying to tell you this very slow,
because I figure you are a dunce.
Left click on the "All programs" button,
a big window pops-up for you to read.
Look for the one called "Accessories",
this is where it gets exciting indeed.
You're getting close to finding out the secret,
of how to get rid of all this trouble and pain.
Just a few more simple steps, follow closely,
before the plague in your PC, starts driving you insane.
In the "Accessories" pop-up,
point your pointer to "System Tools".
Microsoft wont tell you this,
because they figure, we are all fools.
Now in the "Systems Tools" Pop-up,
scroll and left click on "System Restore".
Relax, we will get there,
I know by now you must be getting bored.
You have to do this right the first time,
you don't get a second chance.
But once that we have done this thing,
you will sing and dance.
Ok, listen very carefully,
I'll only tell you this one time.
Now in the "System Restore" tab,
you'd better be on the dime.
Hold down the "Ctrl" button, click "Self Destruct"
three times fast, never fear.
Wait for the son of a bitch to quit burning,
then go get another beer.
Author notes
My topic is:
"Any of the Directions on said computer, "
WARNING/ DISCLAIMER:
YOU MUST BE A COMPLETE IDIOT TO FOLLOW THESE AFOREMENTIONED INSTRUCTIONS. ANY USE BY ANY OTHER THAN A COMPLETE IDIOT IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DETERMINED THAT BREATHING COMPUTER MELTDOWN IS HABIT FORMING AND ADDICTIVE. PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT THERE IS ADEQUATE VENTILATION PROVIDED WHEN FOLLOWING AFORESAID INSTRUCTIONS. LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT.
AND PLEASE,
Por favor, lávese las manos
Love you Tory
A contest entry
- Computer Technology, Frustrations by toomysterious.
475 points, ended July 2, 7 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
Very nice humorous piece, and doesn't technology make us all feel like idiots at least some of the time? You are making my job hard. And right now I would very much like to make the computer self-destruct. Thank you for entering.
-
haha well said and good luck
-
I loved this poem!!!!! Except for the beer. But that's OK, I still loved it, absolutely genius
-
It's very funny. The frustration of the student (can't do it) and the teacher (tired of explaining) is seen immediately.
Well done!
. Rewarded 4
-
HAHAHAHA i loved it man, i wasnt expecting the ending and it was halarious, the tital caught my attention as well and im glad it did.
. Rewarded 4
-
L O L
this sounds just like me on most days. you made me smile about it and that is much more than i can say for how things usually go. my sessions end with me threatening to throw the computer out the window, not good when the computer is not even mine. i wish you well in this contest you have entered. thank you for sharing with me today and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
. Rewarded 8
-
Your title captured my attention too!! I love your carefully worded directions and agree with everyhing except the beer part. For me it's coffee.
This is a great entry and I wish you all the best in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
-
Very amusing! I like this. It seems to be saying more than what is on the surface. Nice job.
-
interesting work, i just want to point out that your meter changes in a rather frustrating manor from a ballad to octametre, and a rhyming couplet would start things off a lot stronger than the non rhyming lines that you have.
good luck with it. -
i thought it was really funny. it reminded me of my parents who have no idea how to use a computer. and nothing better than a good beer when your computer blows up..wait that's never happened to me, ahh but the long system restore wait might need a few haha. thanks for the laugh!
. Rewarded 6
-
hah this is great i loved this so so much,
it made me laugh and smile! hehe hope your ok
all my love,
kitty xxxx -
I had to read this because the title so took my eye
Too funny!I can just see ME sitting here following those instructions lol.
A great read and all the best with this
gaylene
-
Very funny little "instruction manual", the only one's I fear would follow the self destruct procedure are the same ones who fix their typos by placing white-out on the monitor. well done and best of luck in the contest.
. Rewarded 4
-
Superb
A great humorous write, indeed. I cuss my computer out almost daily. We all know that every mistake is the fault of the computer, becaue we users never make any. (LOL) Imagery, rythmn and rhyme are just fine. Of course it would help if instructional manuals were written in ordinary language instead of 'geek speak', maybe then we would all understand the instructions. (lol) If you haven't already read it, you might enjoy my "Whimsical Adventures on the Internet". A link in a moment. Here's the link: http://allpoetry.com/poem/4042415 -
Excellent
Oh my this is so very clever. Course you forgot the very first required instruction, open them and read first line of instructions. Great job! Best of luck in the contest.
-
I was okay with it until you mentioned going to get another beer.
Ah well this was well penned for the average dunce.
Love you
Passions
-
-
Well honey, You aren't a complete idiot either, didnt you read the disclaimer in the AN's?
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
