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Pain

Day 1

 

 

She waits in agony all day

She waits for the moment her phone rings

She waits for him to tell her its ok

 

 

Her comfort dosn't come

She gets scared and pushes harder

She can't tell him how she feels

 

 

Day 2

 

 

She holds her breath waiting

Dose everything she can to distract herself

She wont push if he comes back

 

 

She holds her tears in

She puts on a happy face

She relizes her mistakes

 

 

Day 3

 

 

She hides her pain behind anger

She pulls her heart close and locks it tight

She wont be hurt again

 

 

She gets pissed and dosn't understand

She replays it over and over

The conversation that ruined her life

 

 

Day 4

 

 

Scream, Cry, Throw things

 

You started it not me

You broke your promise

You hurt me first

 

 

Cry, Lose of appitite, No sleep

 

Please i'm begging you

Forgive me for your mistakes

Take me back

 

 

Day 5

 

 

Still can't eat

Cant cry anymore

Has finily given up

 

 

Wants to apologize

Wants to take it all back

Wants to be your babe again

 

 

Day 6

 

 

Walks around like a zombie

Stares blankly at walls

Has no emotion left

 

 

Keeps her mouth shut

Can't keep her vision stright

Feels like falling on the floor

 

 

Day 7

 

 

Loses all color

Loses all happyness

Loses all feeling

 

 

Prays for death

Prays for forgivness

Prays to god she never hurt him like this

Author notes

Try feeling a weeks worth of pain in one day

what do u think, how can i improve ooo and my spelling sucks so if u see somthing to change let me know

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • peregrin
    August 2
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, I like it!
    It is very good!
  • Written very well

    I have had the world crumble beneath me in this very way and yes the mind goes numb and no matter what you say works for their is no longer an aufience there to hear .Sad it is and it does leave a scar deep to last a lifetime yet we find life holds love enough to carry us through to find for our minds a new muse.


  • Subnetzero
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this was intense, great write though. you show so much emotion. I'm sorry I don't have too much to say i'm really tired though i'll re-read it after i get my mimis.

  • DevilHimself silver member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply

    a weeks pain in one day? if only...

    if only i could know a weeks pain in one day; simply relishing in the thought is already a gift you just passed to me. i really wish i could compound a week of pain into a single day; i think i might be able to better deal with it.... i am nobody ya know but my perspective is a bit deeper. i can't say that my pain is greater than yours or less than yours i just view the time lapse a little differently...my view is just different, nothing more and nothing less.
    i tend to feel things not as weeks or months or years or even decades but somehow just beyond that time frame and it is always condensed down to the single little point of light that is me.... it might sound selfish but i dont mean for it to sound selfish i just want to pass along my perspective and how dearly i wish to know just a weeks pain in one day.
    sorry hun if that is depressing, i really dont mean to be soooo negative- it's not your fault...
    i am just me dealing with me.
    not your problem but still your friend
    -dev
    (btw- i love the poem it is forlorn and haunting in many respects. kinda makes me wonder who it is written for...)


  • Kwalk
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    loses is supposed to be looses, finily is finally. it's a very good poem. i've felt like that before only i was just his play thing and i thought i hurt him, but it was really me who was hurting. i can relate. it really sucks too feel like that. good poem.


  • Loki gold member
    June 17

    Edit | Reply
    I like the originality in this piece. "dosnt" should be doesn't, and theres a few others here and there. I take it you don't have Microsoft Word on your computer. It will actually underline the mispellings and offer alternate spellings when you right click on the words. Theres a program call Open Office that is the free version of Word that you can download from openoffice.org. The thought process was good and great job on the originality.

  • this made me feel so sad and it reminds me of what my girlfriend did to me im sorry and yeah you misspelled does once but thats ok ^-^ your an amazing poet hehe

  • i love this i love how it slowly shows how things have gotten worse and worse well i hope things are good with you

1 - 8 of 8