Atop a battlement of rock and stone, she sits.
Her vestment shimmering in the early morning sun.
Eyes that pierce the morning mist to land below.
In ignorant bliss a family plays amid the summer greenery,
Her moment comes, she leaps and pushes forward.
As she moves down on silent wisps of wind, hidden
The sun is hugged by a dallying cloud, her shadow melds.
Within feet her talons retract, her wings at full span so large,
She slows yet, the strike is swift in its taking.
No warning, no sound, the rabbit is gripped within her claws
Soaring back to her battlement only the dying screams
The yelling painful screams of her victim carry on the wind.
As she sits on her perch, one talon holding tight, she looks below
The family, as if nothing happened, plays again. She feeds.
A contest entry
- Name that Bird 31 (Bald Eagle) by MagicLady.
300 points, ended June 20, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Congratulations
Merry meet,
Congratulations on winning the Gold. This is a wonderful poem with some really great imagery, I almost feel sorry for the poor rabbit, but hey, a gal's gotta eat.*chuckle*
The only suggestion I would make is here:
Soaring back to her battlement only the dying screams
The yelling painful screams of her victim carry on the wind
You might place a comma after dying screams or even switch dying screams with yelling, painful screams
The reason I suggest this is that you would have painful before dying. If your screams are dying then painful seems redundant. Just my thoughts and does nothing to retract from the achievement of winning the Gold.
Congratulations again on your win.
Amythest
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Thank you for your comments, i will add a comma. Thank you for my smilies too, i just love gettng them.
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What a wonderful job you did writing about this incredible bird. I especially like the image of:
The yelling painful screams of her victim carry on the wind.
As she sits on her perch, one talon holding tight, she looks below
The family, as if nothing happened, plays again. She feeds.
Thank you for this great poem.
Cheryl
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Thank YOu so m uch for YOur comments and for my gorgeous gold cup. Looking forward to more, smiles cheekily.
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A very vivid image of the hunt and the singular focus of survival.
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