These are tears I cry as I see everything that you have gone through.
I want to be the one who you decide you tell everything to.
I want to be the only one that you want to hold you.
I don't want to feel the pain I feel because you don't know I love you.
I want to feel your arms wrapped around mine as you swear your undying love.
I want to know our bodies fit together better than a hand in a glove.
I want to see in your eyes that spirit of yours, forever in eternal fire.
I want you to know that we can fly on a cloud of pure desire.
I want to be with you when we see the sun rise at 4 o'clock in the morning,
I want to be the one that you call when you get your final warning.
I need to know that you will be there harmonizing when I sing my song.
And when life comes to an end I want our love to still be going strong.
I feel too much. I am aware. And I hope that you are too.
I just want you to know that my life is complete when I am next to you.
I need you to be you in everything you do, and for me to be the same.
And when our bodies are done and life has gone, I want our legacies to remain.
But first I need you to love me, and for you to know who I am,
Because without that, I have nothing. And that is not part of the plan.
Author notes
I wrote this after reading poems from BOb and FlicsBabyGirl. You guys are my inspiration! I just wanted to see if I could make people feel as in love as they seem to be.
In a list
A contest entry
- Best Poems Ever by Scion.
900 points, ended October 27, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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holy cow. ignore the dude who commented first- sooooooooo much emotion!!! you expanded on ideas and emotions that i've never really been able to put into words... i love what you're done here!!! basically every line i felt like i could relate to it, that you were practically orating my very thoughts lol. the one line that hit me the hardest and really, really grabbed my attention was
I don't want to feel the pain I feel because you don't know I love you.
super, super-de-dooperly well conceived. the thing that gets me the most is that the ideas are all so simple, but when penned like this they seem extravagant and awesome!! i love it. period lol.
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This is very fluidic and very emotional. What purpose is there besides longing and love? it's a very straight forward poem, leaving no room for misinterpretation, but it is also kind of a flat poem. It's very simple what you have to say, yet you rather repeat yourself a lot. Though there is a lot of great imagery, I feel it lacks a certain zing. The feeling is there, don't get me wrong-I can feel everything you pour out of this heartfelt work-or think I am being callous. I really wished there was more intensity. But on the flip side... what is more intense than passion and love?? hmm.
kudos for the theme and the structure of the poem. I loved the rhyme, no forcing, simply breathing out what you wanted to say. I didn't understand the title until the author notes, but eh? Who's to say. Cheers.
My score:
Rules-8.8
Title-8.5
Theme-8.3
Structure-8.7
Uniqueness-8.3
Grammar-8.7
Total-51.3 -
gow sweet
maximum bunnies
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awww me 2 me 2 i love it it describes us perfectly and i think it just made my sadness go away so thankyou for letting us be ur inspiration
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this is awesome mate....I am happy to be ur inspiration....This is so awesome
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