Love’s impact
leaving smoking wreckage,
emotions high jacked by her kisses,
premeditated
propaganda in her eyes,
lies
buried in my chest.
like Masonic venom poisoning my fears,
seduction are subliminal
behind her feminine noir
catalyzing on my lonely anxieties
psychological attacks behind
fabricated passions
scatters emotional debris.
Her love invades foreign
mindscapes under murky thoughts and
Tantric regimes.
As we inhale, incent smoke from
eastern territories
allied in primeval lust.
Secret documents
are sealed in ecstasy’s ink,
my ways fall under her new world order.
Author notes
prompt:
1. I fell in love with a terrorist
"I WANT TO WIN" {Silver trophy}
A contest entry
- PIF forward contest of Rifkins I won gold! by Topaze.
1000 points, ended July 1, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES THAT HAVE WON BRONZE OR SILVER ONLY by liquidmindforever.
400 points, ended May 31, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything that is something [READ INFORMATION BEFORE SUBMITTING] by Ebbing.X.Discreetly.
400 points, ended June 29, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This was a terrific write and an excellent read. I loved it from start to finish and I really enjoyed reading it! Thank you so much for entering the contest and sharing this with me. Good luck!
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seductions is subliminal
behind her feminine noir
catalyzing on my lonely anxieties
psychological attacks behind
fabricated passions
scatters emotional debris.
seductions is subliminal
Either this needs the singular "seduction" or you need the verb "are"
allied in primeval lust. CHECK SPELLING!
Dear Poet
Thank you for entering my contest: PREWRITES
FOR BRONZE & SILVER TROPHY WINNERS
Please correct the above. When you do, im
with the TITLE and This couldbe a finalist
Best wished
till then
stay
liquid -
Having lived in close proximity to the the kind of environment you describe in your poem I found it a stark and frightening reminder of what I've seen in the real world and the impossibility of bridging the gap between your beloved terrorist and the rest of those whose only motivation is to live in peace with all unfettered by prejudice and malice.
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AWESOMENESS
well to be honest this, initially peice didn't really capture my attention... it is an excellent write. I thought it lacks excitement. your volcabulary skills are excellent. Some might shy away due to the wording.... but... bottom line once i reread your poem... I was proven wrong
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Hmmm i liked the wide range of vocabulary you used throughout the poem.. it is really one of your greatest tools!
Just some comments, i dunno if it was intentional but i found the use of some words rather awkward..
"Love’s impact
leaving smoking wreckage," Sounded rather weird.. is 'leaves smoking wreckage' more correct?
"seductions is subliminal"... Should it be "seductions are subliminal/ seduction is subliminal"?
"catalyzing on"? Doesn't sound like a very common/correct use of the word catalyze...
Yup just my opinion and a few thoughts, and I am in definitely not an expert so what i think could very well be wrong but hope you find it helpful!
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very interesting piece. not a subject matter explored often. however, you penned it nicely, giving the reader something to picture. well done.
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It's a very strong write. Full of great imagery and descriptions that make it very easy for the reader to see where you are coming from. I really liked it. However, I thought it was something completely different, I must confess and then I saw the AN and I burst out laughing. Whatever. Great write! I'm sure you'll do well in the contest
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes
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I like it alot
I'm not one to say a whole lot about your work, I don't know what to say, really. I think it's really good. In reading it, I see a really strong, almost angry love getting put across. I dig that.
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i myself didnt particulary like this piece, it was a good write and had a wonderful technique, but it wasnt really my piece of cake, but hey u arent here to please us!
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Nice way to express your thoughts
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What a picture you paint with your words! This is a fine piece. The story is well laid out and clear, yet open to interpretation (something I always like)
My favorite lines:
'catalyzing on my lonely anxieties
psychological attacks behind
fabricated passions
scatters emotional debris'
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Well comopsed.
My kind of poetry; enjoyed.
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"Secret documents
are seal in ecstasy’s ink,
my ways fall under her new world order."
- Did you mean sealed?
Otherwise I greatly enjoyed this piece
and am glad I saw it in the feature box.
That second stanza is so vivid and I also fell in love with some of the imagery in the first stanza. Some of the piece feels a little wordy in places, but it didn't ruin the experience.
I like this.
;
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This turned out great!!!! I love it!!!
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Words so hypnotically enticing. You amaze even the words you use! Awesome!
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