You're too walled in, my dear.
Too uptight, hard on the frills.
Wrapped in suspense, you are.
Are you a fallen star?
Inside your shell, I'd climb.
If you would say you're mine.
Just some moments of your time.
You need to be unwrapped; involved.
Unshelved, who wants to be on call?
I want to hold your hand, if I can.
Author notes
4. Come a little closer honey I want to touch you.
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF forward contest of Rifkins I won gold! by Topaze.
1000 points, ended July 1, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Feel Free...
Comments
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a good piece of poetry - i like the confinement in the beginning line, it sets the tone off nicely, the added my dear gives a smile there too. i guess we can all become uptight at times in our lives. suspense is good, it gives an air of mystery. i like the fallen star imagery that could be looked at as light or dark i think. i like the beginning too of the second verse, it makes me think of the ocean. ah love pops into existence in the poem now with hearty language. time is precious to all but it is often given freely. a sweet wrapper tone there in love's smile. a good ending with the offer.
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Ian, I treasure this comment more than you can imagine for reasons that one day soon I may share with you hahaha sometimes things are just right on time lol
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