give me pleasure
give me pain
end my sorrows
as i end the rain
nothing lost
nothing gained
all that cost
is our pains
take it away
make it gone
before my day
goes right to wrong
in the end
i'll thank you much
make you my friend
and say as such
then i will walk
from my bed
giving a talk
to those dead
looking down
watching from high
making it shown
that i said bye
A contest entry
- Give me what you've got by Sound of Madness.
450 points, ended June 30, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
You let the rhyming constrict you, but otherwise, it isn't too bad. I wish you much luck in my contest.
-
Interesting rhythm to this piece, It seemed a little bit forced in places but all in all, a nice job. Interesting message you have conveyed, Best of luck in the contest.
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