Ashley's prettier than you, you know...
With her glam lips and perfect thighs
Boy, and Keegan's got you beat by a long shot-
She's brilliant AND looks great in a bikini.
You'd better get an edge, little girl-
You're nothing but a dolly
(Who needs an ugly dolly?)
Don't worry, dear, we can help
Just let us paint you in the standard colors
And strip off half your clothes...
What? Don't you want to be wanted?
Expose yourself, hon, it's the thing
Drop your pants, drop your mystery
Drop your elegance, drop your dreams
Use your wit to earn friends
Use your body to earn love
Don't worry about the humiliation-
It fades...
And if not, there's always
Another relationship
Another distraction
To help you feel "more like yourself"
(More comfortable in the life
That doesn't quite fit
That isn't quite yours)
Yes, yes
Bare it, share it,
Pass it around!
Let everyone have a feel...
Good, good, now you're powerful
Can't you feel the power?
Don't buy the lies!
Come away, child...
Let's run from this place
To the One who will heal you-
The life you're living is much too small
For a heart so wild-
Of course you don't fit in!
Haven't you guessed, child?
You were made for bigger things!
Come, He waits, with a robe of strength
To wrap around your naked shoulders
And a love wilder than anything you've tasted
So hang on tight, child...
Author notes
The "He" throughout is Christ-- I know firsthand how wonderful it is to be pulled from a life so small it pinches, and into adventure and beauty.
Written December 30th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Broken Girl by Faerie.Princess.
300 points, ended September 14, 2006, 48 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 94 of 94
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wonderful! wonderful! This is packed full of truth. You have written a wonderful tale of promise found in Him. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Good luck and God bless.
Kathryn -
I really like your talent.
To -
* * * * *- 5 stars
I think this is great! I loved it. I so know what it feels like to have pressure like this and God has helped me in so many ways. Thank you for writing this!
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i love this poem and it really shows how todays society is. its a great poem, descriptions in it were written very well. great poem. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thankyou For Entering -
Thank you so much for the silver! I'm so glad you liked it.
-Glass
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I loved the words of encouragement that would appear to help the girl through these times. It almost seems as if there are two poems here, the first telling the girl to fit in, and the second telling her she is special.
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this is beautifully written, and very true as well. if anyone can save us from our downward spiral into society it is Jesus... lovely and true poem, beginning with a disturbing message but ending with one of hope.
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very good
So good! -
i feel like your talking to me. This is good, that means that this is a very good write. It had a flow that I like a lot. Poems dont have to rhyme but I hate it when reading them isn't smooth as it should be. good job.
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Wonderful depiction of the world sucking us in and making the turnaround choice to walk away from it. Unfortunately, this is a statement that holds true to most walks of life that appears to offer us the world, but only offers us small minded misery. I love your presentation of not only the problem, but the solution.
Well done -
Incredible, is all I can think to say.
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Slipper, as first I was a little baffled by the message, I was unable to comprehend. NOW I'm giving NO negative critism, I was only lost in the message. I thought it was very eerie, but in the end it all feel very well into place, and I read your author notes. good write in its intent. I wrote one called tranquility sing, you might like. image and Visions
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priceless
luv it!priceless. i really would enjoy it if you wrote more poems like this. it is really wonderful! very true. Jesus will except you even if you aren't perfect. excellent! please write more things like this. good job k i s s j e s s
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it didn't feel the poem was gonna end on that note, but a nice ironic twist that it did. just you had images of school girls teasing and taunting another, but I guess this may just be a message as to society preying on young woman...
overall a really good poem...enjoyed the read.
Jo -
lovely
Very good. I love the message. -
wow! that was excellent. keep up the great work!!
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Wow I am not a christian and there are million reasons that I share this with you but the first one is to say that this peice really moved me. To think of the protection of a greater good. You described the "Father" extremely well, and brought in not only my attentions but my added praise.
Well done I applaud you on addressing such moral issues that a person doesnt want to think about but is faced with almost every minute of everyday. I know that when I am in school i am amazed by the clothing difference between the age groups, and the worst part of is that mostly the younger generation are the ones that are wearing the most revealing outfits, not us older boys and girls. Thank you so much for a piece from the other side of the spectrum,
N -
I LOVE YOU! I LOVE THIS! I LOVE EEEEEEEEEEEEE IT!
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beautifully magical
this was very good
it was unique
in a good way
don't worry
i enjoyed it
and congrats on the trophy
i hope you and i both win more in future times
but not to far away
lol
hopefully a new friend,
darkdesires666
remember
live your own life, don't let others live it for you -
nice
Your poem is really good. I feel like that, live like that. So do most of my friends, its sad that looks are everything these days. -
Beautiful, and sadly so true.
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I didn't care for the end because I'm not into the whole religion thing, but the message was great and one we all can relate to.
drop your dreams
I found that line to be hauntingly true. Very well thought out poem.
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excellent! more of this please. yesterday's feminists must be wondering why they bothered. here, in the UK at least women now have the opportunity to do ANYTHING. yet in a recent survey the found that 70% of 15/16 yr olds wanted to be glamour models? worse! 80% of them wanted to be 'famous'...they hadn't thought about why they would be famous e.g. excelling in their chosen field, they just want the notoriety. now you've got me started. excellent work!!
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Very beautiful write, with quite the beautiful message. I love the way you wrote this...and though I realize this is a spiritual write, I see it as a true look at society. A society that praises Christ, yet goes against most of his teachings. I'm not christian, but I find it quite ironic that most of the people who have formed these standards are...yet the standards are so far away from the teachings of the religion they worship. Interesting write!
Bestest of wishes and all that other mushy, gushy stuff
~Meli~
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What a gracious, graceful comment, Jayness.
Congratulations on your gold!
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simply... wonderful
This... is touching. I love it, because it conveys exactly what I feel. I'm sorry you didn't enter on time, because you would've gotten the gold instead of me. I wish you had, you deserve it. This... is just simply marvelous. Thank you for writing it, You have a real talent, and a love. I wish people could see so clearly more often, but sadly, it is not so. Keep writing, and thank you again for putting this up. -
Wow!!! This is an exellent poem!!! Very very good. I really enjoy ed it. Good luck in the contest!!!!!!
~me
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Excellent. Simply Excellent. Lies seep in our society everywhere, body image and lust such huge factors influecing everything, and everyone that allow themselves to listen. Your style was great, I love the use of different voices as different people trying to reach the person being spoken too. Thank you for entering, this was a really good poem.
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You pretty much hit the truth right there. That's exactly what society has become. Great Work.
~>Tu Leona<~ -
Great job on this. The bold and italics was an excellent emphasis on key wording. Congrats on the trophy.
take care
~whisper
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oh wow.. this is very powerful. I'm so excited to see another Christian writer on here!
I'm very glad to see how you've incorporated Jesus into your entry. I did the same thing with 'A Perfect Soul' which also is in the contest. Good luck.
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Oh, I agree! They are similar, aren't they? I love the line here: "And a love wilder than anything you've tasted". So many girls don't believe that God can satisfy their desire to be loved... I didn't belive it for most of my life. But now I do, because He's made it so real to me. And once you get a taste of the best wine, it spoils you for anything less, doesn't it?
in Christ
Rita -
Wow, wow, wow. This is so inspiring, and true, and beautiful. I was gonna enter this contest but now I'm too scared :S This is an amazing poem. From the word choice, to your layout, to your brilliant message
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this is a great poem...its so true and inspiring...full of emotions with an awesome flow...i love the chance from bold-italics-and regular font...it adds to the poem. GREAT WRITE!
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This is so truthful. It reminds me of someone I know. I also think it's funny that people always say they are different yet they stay the same. Good job on this. Best of luck toi you in the contest.
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Bravo! This piece is well-written and well expressed. Keep up the good work
Love
Janine -
this was a great use of wording and examples! the concept is really great! i like the use of names to begin with, it puts a much more personal touch to it, gets attention! and the end is hopeful, that's always a good way to end poems, makes them tell a story.
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ga
Thanks for enterning. This was good. I liked the line "Don't buy the lies" Too many people brainwash girls to look the same. Good poem, good use of bold words. -
This seems an accurate betrayal of many women in our society today. They don't all become prostitutes of course, but seems like so many women are dressing to be sexually provacative and to attract attention. The rule in our house is that we dress in such a way as to not attract undue attention to ourselves. This means that we are neat and clean and to the extent we can be stylish, but certainly not provocative! If I've told the kdis once, I've said 100 times, make yourself beautiful on the inside and it will shine out and make you beautiful on the outside too.
Thanks for expressing this so well in your poem. -
I like how in the beginning... your words are pulling the reader into the "fantasy world".. the world where everyone is just so darn perfect, it makes you sick. Or.. at least that's the "show" they put on..the lives they "try" to lead. And.. in the end, HE is covering up all that was lay bare...and helps her through... Awesome write. Bit of inspiration and humor all rolled into one. Excellent!
~Aimee
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I have already commented on this, but I think it deserves another appluad!
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cool
This is cool. Great message too. It's good you didn't give in to all of that peer pressure and got into something else worthwile. Religion has always been a safe thing for me to think about and go to for help. Awesome poem!
~Cassidy~ -
I love this, the whole dang thing. It's amazing how we humans seemed to start society to help us know how to act, and it became this powerful monster which dictates every aspect of our life. People every day seem to be losing their individuality and selfs to "fit in". I love how this just says, "be yourself" in a way that seems kind of new to me, as we've heard it so often that it easily becomes one of those old sayings no one really listens to anyway. And I love how you added religion as kind of a safe haven to get away from it all. Thanks so much for a nice read.
God Bless,
Amanda -
Great work!
No matter how good you look on the outside - what you are in the inside will always reveal to people who you really are.
Great writes ! Enjoyed! -
wow, that was probably one of the best poems I have ever read./I think alot of teenage girls feel like that, like they will never fit in, I think every teenage girl should read this poem.It's so true, thanks for the inspiration, I believe god has a bigger plan..
Wild Cherry
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Well done, and nicely written! You did very well on this poem I liked it very much. I'll be looking for more!!
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Well done, you've written that superbely! I love the way you've used bold and italics so effectively, too. It's true as well, I find it really depressing, especially on young female pop stars, that women are encouraged to flaunt their sexuality.
It's the best feeling in the world when you find your niche. I'm glad you found yours! -
A beautiful and inspirational write that would benefit all selfconscious females. I myself always think about what I should do to "fit in" too, and this poem is like a breath of fresh air. Although I'm not Christian, I still appreciate this piece of work. It's very impactful with so much power. Society is always laying so much pressure on women, telling them to act a certain way and look a certain way and I'm glad to see that there \are\ people who won't stand for it. Keep writing and inspiring!
-Nicole
Edited on Mar 10, 10:56 because ''. -
You words strike chords of the wrongs that society today portrays as the right things or the accepted things. There is so much pressure these days to just do what everyone else is doing because it's considered sexy or cool. You put all of this into perspective and turned it around. Very good job, it's a wonderful piece of work.
Edited on Mar 06, 11:39 p.m. because 'spelling mistakes'. -
Don't let the machine run you! (sorry, had to add that comment)
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OH YEA!!!!!!! IM GIVING YOU TEN APPLUASES! This is the best poem I've read in a long time on here. Just the way it flowed and the sarcastic manner it was written in. This sounds like the way society plays on women all the time and it depresses me, but to read this gives me a little more hope for our female race. Man, you just pinpointed how I've been feeling about society today. And truthfully, I didn't see how lord came through this at all, but maybe that's just me :-\. but this was wondrous and truly succeeded to touch me. Now if only we could get other teenage girls to feel this way. STAND UP AND FIGHT! DON'T SIT DOWN AND TAKE IT!
~Satine
Edited on Mar 10, 8:42 p.m. because ''. -
Oh, this is such a good poem. Praise the Lord, for He saves us from positions like that, and He'll be with us through the hard times. I loved the poem, it was amazing, it really showed what was important in life.
-JadedDreamer -
I am so glad that you did not fall prey to this world and was pulled back by the hand of Christ. He truly does know what we need and is there to save us just when we need him to be. I can definitely relate. Now a days this is a world that is so easy to fall into and so hard to come out of and the humiliation never fades. I hope the message you have within this poem touches lots of people and saves many.
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Sounds like the life of every teen girl in today's society.
It sounds so patronising to them I'm sure but it's true.
Great rythm to this, fast paced.
reminds me of my poem "Innocent Clay Minds"
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I'm glad you aren't scared to show Christ through your writings. Nice job on this one. Very strong, sometimes spooky in a deep kinda way. anyway, Its a good one!
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christ may feature strongly in this poem but i really enjoyed it. the tedious world that we live in today, that for some reason showing more flesh makes you more popular, its just another stature for control.
The flow of this was excellent. it rolled effortlessly along. The rhymes i didnt notice so much at first but they became prominent further along. and the message, so true. Excellent write.
stay safe
~rixi~ -
Excellent write! And so much different than any other poem I've read here. You play with words in a such enjoyable way!
Very well done!
Mari
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This is an excellent poem--expecially for those of us who are spiritual. Even for those who aren't, this is still a very powerful write. I love this: "(More comfortable in the life That doesn't quite fit That isn't quite yours)", it's lovely. I hadn't even realized that you were in this contest, but now I am glad that I did. As I said before, this is excellent. Good luck.
~~Jaded
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spiritual
talk to Christ he knows the answers.this is innovative and spiritual.you show a lot of us how at times of confusion,God can guide us.good luck -
This is terrific, awesome, truthful, superb, thought provoking, and did I say excellent yet? I loved the flow, and the message. Powerful write. Bravo!!!
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Oops, I think I wasted a click. I forgot I've already read this one.
It is well written and the subject well thought out.
Absinthe -
I think within every person there's a longing for purity, along with a feeling of "I'll never make it, I'm too weak/bad/hurt/etc." Who, if they had the choice right in front of them, would choose a life of pointless, hurtful encounters that end in emptiness over a life spent with "one true love" and being the knight in shining armor, or the princess being won?
It's just that we're driven by fear and ache to settle for less from ourselves and our lives. I was never able to stay pure until Christ revealed his love for me, and the depth of it. Finding I was made for more was an amazing experience. I'm still getting used to the joy of it. I'd tried to come to God before but it wasn't like this-- it's wilder than my most passionate relationships, and gives me this incredible strength. I'm totally impressed with God's reality and the way he pours into me things I thought I'd never have. -
Your poem was simply excellent; it rings true on all accounts. It really is too bad that more people do not share your viewpoint. Good luck in future writings and all that you do!
Your Cerulean Dreamer,
Michele -
Best sermon I have heard in years and I'm a preacher! Very eloquent and flows so quickly I could not tell I was reading a poem. You caught the voice of the Prince of this world with all his clever twist, the Louder voice at the end was the one I was hoping for. Truly an amazing write>
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I absolutely love this. It reminds me of a time past when I was playing Beatrice in Much Ado about nothing. My double was an inch bigger in the bust and an inch smaller in the waist. Pissed me off so I lost ten pounds just to look better than her in the dress. Sure like that was worth anything.
Don't place your treasure where it can rust and theives steal it, lay it up in heaven where it cannot be taken away. (paraphrased from somewhere in the NT.) Great Poem I love it. -
Oh my gosh you did an excellent job with this, this is a really amazing piece, I have seen so many girls my age start wearing less and less clothes getting more and more popular.. but at the same time more miserable. I just want to smack them back into being themselves but you can't change a person who doesn't want to be.
-Carina- -
I loved the fact that you tied the Lord into this poem. You have hit the nail on the head with this poem. So many girls wish to be someone different, someone "better" in their eyes. Well penned. *sonya*
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i love ur flow and crisp, critical attitude...this is perfect for a girl who i know right now, perhaps i should show it to her...i especially LOVED this part:
Yes, yes
Bare it, share it,
Pass it around!
Let everyone have a feel...
Good, good, now you're powerful
Can't you feel the power?
mesmerizing... -
Wonderful write, you have such an edge at the begining that it was just awful. Not the way it is written the feeling that it creates, it's ashame people actually do go through stuff like that in this life. But you left it all on a hopeful note that if someone in that possition read it they'd know that it doesn't have to be like that. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Doesn't have to be a belief in god either, can be someone that they know or have met. This was a brilliant write. Well done.
Natalia -
That was so awesome and it's so true
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This is awesome...such an amazing and powerful write. You did such an awesome job with this and I really love it. I love how you painted the image of what a girl's supposed to look like and what guys normally look at first; the looks. Such an amazing piece, I really love it!!
Much Love,
~*~SuGaR~NeDeN~*~ -
oddly enough, though I am in no way a subscriber to the bible, the verse is quite accurate and parallel to my subject matter in unspeakable odds. well thought of.
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great
GREAT WRITE!!! I abosoulutly love this peice!! Its really filled with truth about how girls usually try to be something different then themselves to fit in with people, they do a lot to their bodies n everything juss to look like the models n a lot of peer pressure on waht ur suppose to look like. Great write this is a good peice for girls who you are struggling with this!!
Keep up the good work n take care
Steph
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this is great..so true. its lovely to read poetry like this, and it really is what the world is like. How many times have we heard how much prettier so-and-so is than us? it disgusts me..Great write! I'm glad I read it..
-audrey- -
This is a great poem. It's such a wonderful spin on how young women are epected to look and behave in today's unrealistic and harmful society.
The sudden change in content, starting with "Don't buy the lies!" is great-it adds so much to the poem than just sticking with one type of content or the other.
The lines in bold are really effective, and this whole poem just really makes the reader think.
Great write. good luck in the contest. -
Sharp+
Amazing. Societal and critical, but you don't have to come out and bash them to do it. And spoken from a third person point about a victim of society, it's just great. The parentheses are used just enough to give a sense of human storytelling, adding even more to the poem. -
Great job, lovely ending. It's so like god, isn't it? Help the ones who are lost. Have a good day.
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mmm, i liked the message, if only it weren't spiritual (oh well, its by far the best spiritual poem ive recieved so far) i loved the flow, it was smooth and the comments about society were all too real, good luck in the contest
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Wonderful
Its a wonderful piece of writing and I hope you are very proud of what you wrote. The truth was spelled before my eyes when I read this. -
"dont buy the lies" that line stuck in my head for the rest of the night after i read it, so i desided to come back and let you know how good it is and real it seems! you have a talent! dont ever let it go! congrats. on the excellant write! keep up the good work! ~katie~
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So wonderful, I love poems like this. So true, isn't the world sad sometimes? Awesome write, it's the truth, and people should wake up to that. Good luck!
Cheers,
Ennie -
sounds so wonderful, always one that is the prettiest, and one that has it all. no flaws that anyone can find on the outside. Great write. Thank you for sharing.
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Outstandjing
YaY!! More people should write about stuff like this so all those dumb "popular" people can wake up and smell the Folger's. -
excellent
An exceptional poem. Your words strike a blow to this sad fashion love/hate relationship that the world seems fixated on.
Don't buy the lies.
That is tough. Only with a huge self confidence or a powerful support group is one going to get away from this.
Keep up the great writes.
John -
this was beautiful, i look forward to reading more of your works, keep sharing!!
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Fabulous
How incredibly hopeful!
I enjoyed your upbeat tale
Aren't we all like this, in our own way?
I think from your other comments that the answer is a definite yes!
Fabulous write -
Wonderful! (I'm sure you've gotten a lot of this.) This is so damn true. Oh I'm just gushing! I feel a real connection with this writing! Thank you so much for sharing.
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ooh, i loved this poem. this was so pretty. i loved reading this, u've got a talent for writing let me tell u that. awesome!!
Pretty x0x Baby -
Very good write!
Mari
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applaud
Oh WOW oh WOW!!!!!! This is more then true! You've captured so much in this write, if only people weren't so faint to take notice in such lies. Sure when they do it is far much too late to turn back... What power is there in sharing what you are especially in that kind of way? There isn't any, the risks and emotional pain isn't worth the time!!!! Love is not what everyone thinks it is...it's so sad the really give thought to it like you have, thank you for finding more than perfect words here. Keep writing because I know I'm not the only one who has gained insight from this write. You have a strong voice...let it be heard. Thanks again and take care of yourself always ~Star -
Great poem, I really like your view on this, it made an intresting poem. Keep up the great work! Happy Holidays!
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I loved this at first,but loved it even more as it ended!I will have to read more of your poems!
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Wow...beautiful poem. The ending really was the icing on the cake
Come, He waits, with a robe of strength
To wrap around your naked shoulders
And a love wilder than anything you've tasted
So hang on tight, child...
I loved those lines, they were so powerful, so meaningful, it was wonderful. -
oh this was amazing and absolutly beautiful I just loved it and Im so glad that you featured it so I got a chance to read this lovely poem. So thanks for sharing with us we folk.
SKY
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